Andy told me to introduce myself

[Person66]

I'm new to, to the forum and to being gay. You see until not that long ago I was str8, I had been only with women since I lost my virginity (to a girl) at 15, I never even thought of guys before. However my libido was suppressed do to this medication, and when I stopped taking it my libido came back and I began to be attracted to guys too.
Well I felt perverted and depraved, because I have never heard of anyone who's sexuality was so "fluid". I was also under the impression that being bi was a "way station" or that bis were just kidding themselves. Watching Fox News didn't help ( I thought it was funny but it was actually getting to me). That crisis lasted for a month until I realized that if I wanted to be with the kind of guys I lusted after, I should'nt wait 20 years. Also I had gay friends already and they all supported me. My friends were acually very actually very supportive of me,when I came out to them
One of these friend is gorgeous and when I spoke to him he told me he had always had a crush on me, then one thing led to another and he became my boyfriend. Now things are progressing faster than I has thought it would.
The only thing is my boyfriend once briefly worked as a model, and though I'm good-looking I'm no model, so sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer him. He even cooks for me. He graduated from cooking school, though he is now studying to become an engineer. He's always doting on me, I want to do something for him for a change.

[sneakyc25]

Welcome, and cuuuuuuuuuuuute story.

[dfiant]

G day persona and welcome. In time I think you when you become more accepting of yourself nad look back over your life in retrospect, you will come to realise that sexuality is not really that fluid and sexuality is more than likely anything from latent to repressed.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi and welcome P66
In time all will be clear , just relax and accept yourself .

[Person66]

Sneak, why do you think my story is cute?
Defiant, very interesting post. I don't think sexuality is very fluid, but fit me it appears that it is, I just figured that I'm weird. My sexuality could not have been repressed. From a young age my parents told me about gay men and that it was normal . Plus as a teenager I was very hedonistic, if I knew there was another waY to get pleasure I would have gon for it. Plus I was attracted to women from a young age. I had my first crush at age 5, I seriously was infatuated with my aunt's best friend and spent a lot of time with her. When she got engaged, I despised her fiancé, I would give him such a hard time, trying to make as many problems for their relationship. It worked too, he was like 'this kid is mean" lol, which caused her doubts about his ability to be a father she would say "is this how you're gonna treat our kids" (I still think hes an idiot). By 6 my curiousity lead me to do something very naughty involving voyeurism and naked women. I'm still ashamed of that. I always loved the company of women.
What do you mean by latent? I'm not that old. I thought that meant that you just start liking guys later in life (isn't that the definition of fluidity.
Please don't think that I'm one of those people who think bis are superior than gays. IMO its worse, much more complicated. Besides since I'm seeing a wonderful, drop dead gorgeous gay guy right now, I'm basically gay right now for all intents and purposes.
Thanks everyone, I'd love to hear from even more of you.
Later.

[fenris]

Hi and Welcome mile:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi Person66

Way back before I came out of the closet I was so far in my closet I actually didn't think I was gay. It took a personal epiphany for it to become clear that 'yep I are one'. Like meeting the right man.

Self realization is like peeling an onion, you remove a layer to find yet one more layer beneath, remove that and you find another layer.

To a point sexuality is fluid because our character and personality is fluid to a point. I have known Atheists who swore up and down that there was no God have a personal epiphany and do a 180 and suddenly become a 'true believer'. I have seen men of strong faith become atheist, losing all faith that there is a God. Such a profound change in view has a profound change of the personality of a person. An experience can change us profoundly for life.

Currently (and hopefully for the rest of your life) you will undergo minor changes and a few major changes as you learn more about this world you currently reside on and yourself. Do expect changes, from minor personality quirkiness to major chances in your stance on many issues. This is you becoming more than the sum of your programing. It is what being human is about.

While your parents may have been open to the idea, society teaches you that to be gay is wrong. Even our very language teaches us this now days. Gay is used a negative as in 'that car is gay' meaning its not a good car, not that the car is homosexual.

--> That is a disturbing trend that no one talks about the use of gay as a negative.

At school you most likely were introduced to many of the negative words that are thrown out - from cock-sucker to sissy and everything in between. So while your parents may have taught its OK to be gay, the rest of society makes it perfectly clear that it ain't. While you may have intellectually reasoned away these words and actions of others, you can be certain that it left emotional marks on you.

While now days society is talking about homosexuality, and is pushing a general message toward 'acceptance', the reality is the war still wages between the old world view and the new world view. It is a struggle of emotion and words, one which may not be won for a few generations to come. Just like the race war still wages on - while equality of races exist in law and in theory, we know that racism still decides who's hired and who's fired while no one will openly say 'because your black'... we know what is going on.

You are aware to one level or another of this ongoing struggle. You may not be consciously thinking of it, but you do feel it.

Yes to some bisexuality is a transition phase, it is easier for them to come to accept themselves as bisexual first since it has less stigma in many ways than being merely gay.

However a larger number of 'true bisexuals' flux between gay and straight as self applied label depending on who they are with at the time. Bisexuals are 'frowned upon' by both gay and straight cultures. Thus to make things easier and to keep arguments to a minimum, a bisexual person will claim the title of gay when with a person of the same gender or straight when with a person of the other gender.

We humans are complex creatures, we strive to be individuals while stay socially acceptable. Society is currently undergoing a lot of pressures to change, and has been doing so for about 200 years changing how we view equality and what it is to be human.

That change will affect everyone of us on our discovery of what 'I' is.

[Rawr]

Welcome to the forums.

[Person66]

Bowyn Arrow, what you said makes a lot of sense. In middle school/junior high I was ostracized and called gay all the time (they meant gay more as a negative, as you also mention, not referring to my sexuality, as they didn't know me at all). Thank God I came out of my shell in High School, incidentally that was another time when I went through a big change, going from a shy introvert to a fun-loving extrovert.
And who knows what was going on in my subconscious.
At 14 I also met a man who was gay and 20 years older. He never hit on me and was very respectful. I was shocked to find out he was gay, as he looked just like a normal man, you couldn't tell he was gay from looking at him. He was a good role model to have as he shattered all the pre-conceived notions and stereotypes I had about gay men (that they were all ultra-feminine and flamboyant). He's still a dear friend and we keep in touch.
Thank you so much Bowyn for taking the time to write such a long and interesting post for me.mile:

[sneakyc25]

I thought it was cute that you came out to a friend and he was into you, so ya'll started dating.