Asking the top or bottom ?

[Gaydude3]

I am completely relationship oriented but I don't want to waste time if someone is not going to be compatible. I have done it too many times and it sucks for all involved.

How do you pop the question without sounding like all you want is a hook
Up?

[AirBorn]

Well I would say just don't ask the first time you meet. Assuming you want a relationship and not a hook up, sex should not be the first or even second thing you talk about. Get to know the person, develop a friend relationship with them, and then is there seems to be a growing connection, then naturally a more personable topic can be brought up. It shouldn't seem awkward, or like "your just wanting to hook up" if you have developed the friendship to this point.

[Gaydude3]

The downside is you spend valuable time with someone who may not be at all compatible. I guess I can always make new friends.

[pellaz]

It shouldn't seem awkward, or like "your just wanting to hook up" if you have developed the friendship to this point.

takes time to develop the emotional dependencies for a relationship so up front isnt it all about the hook up. Just ask, dosnt matter what they think.

[fenris]

The downside is you spend valuable time with someone who may not be at all compatible. I guess I can always make new friends.

Honestly and from my own experiences I can tell you : That can´t work.... if someone would ask me at a first date this - for a relationship - so unimportant question I would send him back home to learn about living ;-)
This top or bottom question is maybe interesting for a year in a realtionship but after a while when the normal life starts it is better to have a soul-compatible partner as a sex- ( maybe fetish ) compatible partner.
I mean : Do you really want to say someday in the future that your partner is a Tiger in bed but a a**hole in everydays life ? And the 100% compatible Partner is a wish... a Dream ... you know... the knight on his white horse.... but life don´t work so.... life is life and not a wish-concert or a pony hotel
See my post not as a insult ... it is only what life had teached me....

[pellaz]

Honestly and from my own experiences I can tell you : That can´t work.... if someone would ask me at a first date this - for a relationship - so unimportant question I would send him back home to learn about living ;-)

i just didnt want to say it up front

[Gaydude3]

Honestly and from my own experiences I can tell you : That can´t work.... if someone would ask me at a first date this - for a relationship - so unimportant question I would send him back home to learn about living ;-)
This top or bottom question is maybe interesting for a year in a realtionship but after a while when the normal life starts it is better to have a soul-compatible partner as a sex- ( maybe fetish ) compatible partner.
I mean : Do you really want to say someday in the future that your partner is a Tiger in bed but a a**hole in everydays life ? And the 100% compatible Partner is a wish... a Dream ... you know... the knight on his white horse.... but life don´t work so.... life is life and not a wish-concert or a pony hotel
See my post not as a insult ... it is only what life had teached me....

Fenris I wouldn't level it to a fetish or preference. For many including myself its akin to a sexual orientation. Just like I cant be with a woman I can't have a normal relationship if someone is not sexually compat.

[Kyle]

That's a great question. I have been in the same situation, You are looking for a relationship and you like the guy but sex matters too and if you ask that awkwardly you can destroy potential good relationship.
I don't have any specific advice, just when I met my last boyfriend I liked him very much and I told myself " The guys is handsome and we understand each other so well, don't think about sex now, in any case there will be a solution." and then after a week when we became friends and later we got closer and we were both ready to have sex soon in nearest future that conversation popped up itself.
So my advice is if you really like a guy it's OK to spend a week or two without asking that. If he's totally incompatible sexually then you loose two weeks of your time but at least you get a friend.

[Gaydude3]

That's a great question. I have been in the same situation, You are looking for a relationship and you like the guy but sex matters too and if you ask that awkwardly you can destroy potential good relationship.
I don't have any specific advice, just when I met my last boyfriend I liked him very much and I told myself " The guys is handsome and we understand each other so well, don't think about sex now, in any case there will be a solution." and then after a week when we became friends and later we got closer and we were both ready to have sex soon in nearest future that conversation popped up itself.
So my advice is you really like a guy it's OK to spend a week or two without asking that. If he's totally incompatible sexually then you loose two weeks of your time but at least you get a friend.

It's true Kyle I guess I just get impatient but that is the best way.

[jamiebfd]

I am completely relationship oriented but I don't want to waste time if someone is not going to be compatible. I have done it too many times and it sucks for all involved.

How do you pop the question without sounding like all you want is a hook
Up?

There is much more to sexual relationships than just anal sex.
I know Gay couples who dont ever have anal sex.
If you get with someone and love them... sex can be great without any penetration

However... You can always bring it up in conversation... Once you break the ice and have spoken about a few things, go onto sex talk, Ask them how experienced they are and what they have done before.

That way you come across as conversating, rather than a sex addict
lol