i actually realized i was at least bi when i was just a little kid. I knew i was different. I knew i was attracted to both sexes. It was until high school when i started to become more attracted to guys though.
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watching Steve Austin when I was in middle school helped me realize it .. I remember how I would hide my boner so my dad wouldnt notice
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LateBloomer, I am in the process of seeking help. Good advice. What you said about growth is true. I'm so glad I'm not the person I was 10 years ago.
Being honest with oneself is the best way to form an identity. My problem is that the numerous contradictions in my sexual preferences alone make the truth rather elusive. One one hand, I could feel attracted to male genitals. On the other hand, I've thought about girls ever since I was in kindergarten and all I could think about as a teen (the time before my genitals lost feeling) was T&A. Just thinking about it would make me cum hard. The thought of kissing a girl is sort of enticing, but the idea of kissing a man is kinda gross. Kissing in general is not something I've ever really craved doing, which puts me at a disadvantage, relationship wise. Then there is the giantess fetish, which was the most powerful fetish I've had. Ever since that went away, most of my stronger sexual urges did as well. Now sex seems like something I don't really want to do anymore because I don't know how it's possible to feel pleasure with numbed genitals and absolutely no libido.
So, as you can see, I bounce between straight (my earliest sexual memories), bi, gay, and asexual. It's tough to figure out what my orientation is because I can honestly say that I haven't always felt an attraction to just males, or that I am always even interested in sex at all anymore.
I guess where I'm going with all of this gut-spilling is that I'm confused. I'm thinking about calling a LGBT therapist (when I get some cash) to set up an appointment and talk about all of this. I want to make it clear while I'm on these boards that if I really am gay I don't want to stay in a closet. I want to help develop my identity through stories and discussions no matter what it is.
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gfxtwin Wrote:LateBloomer, I am in the process of seeking help. Good advice. What you said about growth is true. I'm so glad I'm not the person I was 10 years ago.
Being honest with oneself is the best way to form an identity. My problem is that the numerous contradictions in my sexual preferences alone make the truth rather elusive. One one hand, I could feel attracted to male genitals. On the other hand, I've thought about girls ever since I was in kindergarten and all I could think about as a teen (the time before my genitals lost feeling) was T&A. Just thinking about it would make me cum hard. The thought of kissing a girl is sort of enticing, but the idea of kissing a man is kinda gross. Kissing in general is not something I've ever really craved doing, which puts me at a disadvantage, relationship wise. Then there is the giantess fetish, which was the most powerful fetish I've had. Ever since that went away, most of my stronger sexual urges did as well. Now sex seems like something I don't really want to do anymore because I don't know how it's possible to feel pleasure with numbed genitals and absolutely no libido.
So, as you can see, I bounce between straight (my earliest sexual memories), bi, gay, and asexual. It's tough to figure out what my orientation is because I can honestly say that I haven't always felt an attraction to just males, or that I am always even interested in sex at all anymore.
I guess where I'm going with all of this gut-spilling is that I'm confused. I'm thinking about calling a LGBT therapist (when I get some cash) to set up an appointment and talk about all of this. I want to make it clear while I'm on these boards that if I really am gay I don't want to stay in a closet. I want to help develop my identity through stories and discussions no matter what it is.
I'd like to respond more but I'm totally exhausted.
Right now I just wanna say I'm glad you got something out of my post.
Also, hang in there. Clarity comes to those who seek. You'll get it figured out eventually.
I'll share more after I get some rest.
LB.
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gfxtwin Wrote:Could it be the anti-psychotics that I'm taking?
This MAY be it. I've heard of people on psyche meds losing their interest in sex before (and some even list that as a possible side effect). Also, some psyche meds work like illegal street drugs in that the brain becomes dependent on them for any feeling of pleasure until not even the meds can do anything for you. It kinda burns your dopamine or whatever out of your brain, which is one reason I'll give them a pass unless I think my sitch is really hopeless to begin with anyway.
But there are asexual dating sites if such interest you. I've known asexuals who have had perfectly happy lives together. Though I have known of one case where one asexual decided she wasn't so asexual after all and left the asexual guy she'd been partnered with for years, so even they're not safe from a partner changing orientation on them.
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i remember being attracted to blokes when i was about 5, i once saw a naked guy on tv when i was around that age and i thought it was amazing, and in school learning about romans i thought the soldiers were so fucking hot. until i was about 14 i thought everyone felt that way but it was something they didn't talk about, and to some extent i still think thats true, i've had near sexual experiences with a few STRAIGHT men when they thought no-one would find out.
anyway i suppose it was around 13/14 when my mates would talk about tits and vaginas with enthusiasm that i didn't have that i began to realise that i was never going to keep up the pretence of being straight, it was too exhausting pretending to like that stuff all the time. i realised they weren't pretending.
i spent a few years in denial as per usual, after masturbating to gay porn i'd tell myself it was the last time, and went through some pretty horrible self hatred and self harm. i always knew in the back of my mind i was gay. one sleepless night at about 16 i just admitted it to myself to see how it felt, and thought if i didn't like it i'd go back to being in denial lol. i said it out loud, 'i'm gay', and it felt fine.
probably a fairly standard experience i'm guessing from the few gay people i know.
i told my best mate mathew first as i knew he wouldn't care, for a year it was our secret until eventually i told the biggest, hardest one of my friends, the one i thought would have the biggest problem with it, and he was fine with it and had my back from then on if i had any problems, and he respected me for being honest and having the balls to come out as gay as where we live is not exactly accepting and tolerant.
nice to hear some people had a relatively easy experience of this, in a few decades i'm guessing/hoping it won't even be an issue. xxx
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I always thought I was different and have always been interested in males but didnt come to the conclusion til I was in high school that I was fully gay. In the change room, I would stare at guys, watch straight porn but be interested in the guy only. so I've known for a long time. I hid it for years from my parents but people in high school knew and I didnt tell a soul and theyd call me a "fag" and such. I touched a guys ass by accident once and rumors spread like a dead fire. But you know what, Im happy being gay and I wouldnt change it for the world. 
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I'm glad that story had a happy ending, george! I think it's always gonna be a tougher lot in life for those who knew they were gay at a young age.
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gfxtwin Wrote:LateBloomer, I am in the process of seeking help. Good advice. What you said about growth is true. I'm so glad I'm not the person I was 10 years ago.
Being honest with oneself is the best way to form an identity. My problem is that the numerous contradictions in my sexual preferences alone make the truth rather elusive. One one hand, I could feel attracted to male genitals. On the other hand, I've thought about girls ever since I was in kindergarten and all I could think about as a teen (the time before my genitals lost feeling) was T&A. Just thinking about it would make me cum hard. The thought of kissing a girl is sort of enticing, but the idea of kissing a man is kinda gross. Kissing in general is not something I've ever really craved doing, which puts me at a disadvantage, relationship wise. Then there is the giantess fetish, which was the most powerful fetish I've had. Ever since that went away, most of my stronger sexual urges did as well. Now sex seems like something I don't really want to do anymore because I don't know how it's possible to feel pleasure with numbed genitals and absolutely no libido.
So, as you can see, I bounce between straight (my earliest sexual memories), bi, gay, and asexual. It's tough to figure out what my orientation is because I can honestly say that I haven't always felt an attraction to just males, or that I am always even interested in sex at all anymore.
I guess where I'm going with all of this gut-spilling is that I'm confused. I'm thinking about calling a LGBT therapist (when I get some cash) to set up an appointment and talk about all of this. I want to make it clear while I'm on these boards that if I really am gay I don't want to stay in a closet. I want to help develop my identity through stories and discussions no matter what it is.
Ok, I'm back, had a little nap. Hopefully I can put together a logical thought here....
I think the first thing I wanna say is, my 20s were a real bitch. It's a tough time even without all the identity issues most of us had to deal with.
My 30s were easier and I believe yours will be too. Like I said, if you seek some clarity you'll find it eventually.
Unfortunately for me now, in my 40s, things are getting rather muddled again as I spring back from a midlife crisis of sorts.
What's the point of all this? Well, life is hard, nobody maps it out for us. We just go through and improvise the best we can.
Sometimes we get hung up on the "shoulda", "woulda", "coulda" trap.
(I should like kissing but...)
(I would like to kiss but...)
If you're not into kissing right now, just let it go. You have the rest of your life to develop a liking for kissing.
And yes, though my 20s and 30s my sexuality experienced what I described as a "pendulum" swinging back and forth between gay and straight, even asexual. See, I chose the "bi-" label but I really don't think that's accurate. I usually feel gay OR straight, not bi. But this is the problem with labels.
Uh, anyway, I guess I'm off on a tangent. The original advice from everyone still remains the same, FIRST get your mind and body well with the help of a professional AND THEN slowly start chipping away on all the various issues in your life that you think need some attention. Just know that you're not the only person who is experiencing such ambiguity and eventually this experience will all help you gain in wisdom and perspective. So make the most of it.
Take care.
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i havent came out but it was when i was watching eastenders and christian explained his story and i just couldn't help but notice his bulge ! and i have been staring hoping to find other bulges ever since but it was kinda gradual cause i remeber sitting in an airport saying in my head i'd do her and her and her ....... oh and him and him again and then i'd do him again but it was more gradual than that sounds haha
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