Howdy-Ho

[DerJack]

In the spirit of the season I feel it necessary to say Howdy-Ho everybody from Mr. Hanky the 'Holiday'-poo.

All that being said, hello everybody at Gayspeak.com. I don't really know how to start... uh, well I guess sexual orientation and history behind is likely in demand. I consider myself an Anthroposexual (my personal fancy word for Bisexual), I've known that I've been attracted to boys since I was in Junior High (I also knew I was interested in girls, but that seemed 'standard' thanks to our Hetero-centric thinking). I was relatively closeted about it, sharing only with my friends. This was pretty easy considering I've always been an 'unusual' person and had a group of friends who were very open-minded, one of whom had already determined he was gay (he also introduced me to gay porn, which was slightly confusing at onset)

Within a year of first thinking these thoughts I approached a boy that I had a crush on (and understood was Bi) and asked him out (through usual note passed along by friend/Jr. High methods). He said no and that he actually wasn't bi and that I had had bad info and let me down relatively easily. With this early-on interaction I withdrew a bit and continued to chase a few other girls in my class (chase meaning to have a serious crush on and stare dreamy-eyed at whenever she wasn't looking [I'm not good at forward]) and ultimately ignored my feelings for guys, outside of porn.

High school continued in much the same fashion, though I never got the courage up to ask anyone else out. After such I continued onto college, where I continued my loneliness and came further and further to accept that I really liked boys. I would like to mention here, that I'm totally interested in guys as well as girls, though I've found that when looking at porn, I pretty much ONLY look at guys and often can't come to... cum when fantasizing about girls. There have been a number of girls who I've been very interested in, but as usual they're all just my type: taken.... I also readily scope out guys when walking around and sometimes have trouble noticing the girls.

At the very end of college I got up the nerve to ask out this really cute guy in my Watercolor class. He was tall and thin, had a nice wavy head of brown hair and a plain, but adorable face. He seemed to have style and had a number of mannerisms which seemed to me to be more effeminate than 'average'. And so finally I got up the nerve and asked him out, to which he replied that he was not interested in guys and hoped that I wasn't crushed to hear it. I was.... though not for long, I forgot him the best I could, and now have since graduated and moved an hour and a half away to a slightly more populace town. I have fairly high hopes and plan to put myself out there to be met, but have a crushing fear of not ever being able to decipher which guys I'm interested in are also interested in guys. And... in the end.... I'd really just like someone to hold in my arms and snuggle while.... well, while doing almost anything, I don't care I just want someone to be there....:redface:

To make the ending a bit less depressing, I look forward to having all of you fine people here to be there for me, and I'm very excited to make some new friends and have a complete outlet for all of my thoughts, as well as being there to hopefully improve others' spirits when needed.

-Der Jack
"Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been"