I am in a straight relationship but I am not sure if he is straight

[hmmmm]

Hey guys,

I am really sorry that my English isn't perfect, I am from Europe.

Here is the problem: My boyfriend and I are in a happy relationship since 3 years.. At least this is what I thought. About two weeks ago, he became quite depressive and said that he isn't sure about his feelings anymore, and that there is too much pressure so we broke up. Since it's not the first time that he is depressive, I promised him to support him when making a therapy.. But we also tried to figure out why he could be depressive again. He said there is no reason.
This night am 2am he texted me: "I am depressive because sometimes (not often!) I feel attracted to men"
So I asked him why he thinks that. So he told me that sometimes he passes a man and feels attracted to that person, this is why he is confused and sad, because he also loves me??
He told me that every three weeks he thinks of a man when ..... you know what I mean. And that he would be interested how it is like to be with a man. And that he is interested in kissing one, but not having sex with one.

I am really confused right now. Do you think he is actually gay? Should I give him time to think about the whole thing and wait until he knows what he wants, or is it already clear?

Thanks for reading and hopefully also for your advice

[John]

Hmmm....I think there's a reason for him to have such feelings..I would say, every single man would have that thoughts... What he needs is time, to figure out things, and of course, he needs your help too.

[pellaz]

look at what amazon.com has to offer, i saw some publications out there dealing with a gay man in a straight relationship. Most of the thinking has changed in the last few years so get a recent text.

i can say if he is strongly gay there is nothing to be done abut it. It is not his or your fault. There is a lot of social pressure for a guy to have a straight relationship. This is why it is bad what some of the organized religions preach, why its bad not being completely out with at least your self.

is he bi? help me here someone...

gay straight or bi should not be a reason for depression. Consider looking for a professional therapist or the next therapist who can do more.

[hmmmm]

I am not quite sure about what he is.. and I am sure that he probably also doesn't know.
I thought that maybe someone here knows it better.
Probably he is the only person who is able to find out the truth. It's just so hard for me to wait until he knows what he wants, because I really love him.

I wouldn't exclude the depression because of his feelings, maybe it's really because he is gay and he can't stand the pressure. We will see :-(

[Almac]

I'm afraid your boyfriend is selfish, I just cannot understand how a man can tell a woman that he is attracted to men, most women I know would have gave up on their relationship, I think you will be on this man's selfish treadmill for ever if he carries on like this, to be blunt do you think he's worth it?? Oh and your English is good.

[Story]

[COLOR="Navy"]I'm afraid your boyfriend is selfish, I just cannot understand how a man can tell a woman that he is attracted to men, most women I know would have gave up on their relationship, I think you will be on this man's selfish treadmill for ever if he carries on like this, to be blunt do you think he's worth it?? Oh and your English is good. [/COLOR]

I wouldnt call that selfish, I call that honesty, he has these thoughts and as intense as they are he TRUSTS her to tell her these things. More than likely he his bi, unless he has big pressures from religion/family, few truly gay men would enter into a long relationship like this. The best thing you can do Is be there for him, it sounds like he's terrified about the possibility of him liking guys (self homophobia) which is pretty rampant among straight men. If he likes guys, he likes guys but that shouldn't diminish your relationship any as in the end it's about who he loves most in that case it's you. I think he needs to come to terms with these feelings but afterwards I think he will be ok resuming your relationship

[closetman]

It sounds more like he is Bi...

Obviously 3 years is a long time, so he could hardly be just using you as a sort of bluff to the others... Well it wouldn't make sense that he told you he was attracted to guys sometimes if he wasn't into you and only take you as an illusion to other people... However , i don't think any conclusion can be drawn unless you tell us more about how you two got together in the first place... could it be that he just didn't want to hurt you and it took him 3 years to pluck up his courage and confess to you? Were you the one to take the initiative to start this relationship?

I don't think straight guys that are sort of bi-curious would feel attracted to a guy...they may probably admire someone but attraction is something more physical in my opinion...Especially when he said he wanted to try kissing someone... for the sex bit...he is probably just denying the possibility of him being Bi... so he is against this idea at the moment.Simply say he is not ready to accept his own identity.

In fact whether or not he is Bi doesn't matter, helping him to make clear of his orientation would be the best help you could offer. So no need to worry about what you should do. And, you better prepare for the worst (i.e he wasn't into you, i understand such a cruel news it would be).It would come as a surprise if he turns out to find himself not into guys, or you'd not feel as bad if he finds himself more into guys. I wish you luck anyway....

[fredv3b]

I am really confused right now. Do you think he is actually gay? Should I give him time to think about the whole thing and wait until he knows what he wants, or is it already clear?

He is clearly confused. So you should not expect to feel otherwise.

Would you regret it if you did not wait to know what he wants?

Just my tuppence worth...

[Almac]

Now lets get into the real world, a man telling a woman in my part of the country that he fancies other men would lead to only one thing him being given the red card and booted out. Relationships are about mutual trust, not about a man who thinks he's got the right to tell a woman that he fancies other men if he does then get the hell out of that poor woman's life.

[zeon]

Hello there,
I would say the fact that your boyfriend admitted this to you firstly deserves some respect because you firstly know what possible outcome to expect... I think the reason why his becoming depressed is because his fighting his sexuality in order to stay with you and making himself a prisoner... He obviously loves you but also wants to be free and is scared you woulod get hurt hence why he wont break it... If your willing to allow him to lead his life then assure him that if his body and soul is to lie with a man your be alright with that as friendship is better than nothing at all and if you mean this then give him a bloody big hug and just say I may not ever be your wife if your with a man but i can at least be your fag hag (slang term for women who hang with gay men)..

Kindest regards

zeon x