Asexual.... maybe?

[1122135]

Alright, this is kind of hard to explain so bare with me
Ever since I can remember I've been afraid of sex. I don't like the idea of someone touching me like that or having to stick my hand in nasty places. But, I have a boyfriend. An amazing boy friend that knows I don't like to be touched and is understanding. However, we've been dating for a year and he seems to be getting impatient. When we are together I feel eternally happy but when he tries to finger me I get one of those record scratch moments. I feel bad. I've been told I might be asexual but It's weird because I like men and women... just not sex

[Pix]

That sounds asexual to me. Asexuals can have an orientation of sorts but just not want sex with their preference, but often (not always) still feel a desire to bond and share their lives with a special someone.

However, FEAR of sex isn't a typical part of being asexual, and if it's this fear that's ruining your enjoyment of sex then perhaps you could benefit from some type of therapy to overcome your fear....though how you could find a competent therapist (or even just one who didn't make the problem worse) I couldn't say.

[Almac]

It sounds like you've got a form of vaginism,which a condition which affects a woman's ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration or even to the lesser extent being touched. You really do need to seek out the help of therapeutic counselling. (Psychological Services) In some cases those who exhibit such problems were either molested as children or raped.

[pellaz]

i find my self less sexual than i would like to admit. i love sex, i am good in bed. I love being touched tho so maybe a different issue than the OP. Its my personal project to initiate it more. My bf makes fun of me and just turns me over.

As a gay man i ignored who i was for soo long.

[AirBorn]

Asexual is an orientation like bisexual, heterosexual, etc., it is not a disease and therefore can not be "cured".

Now the fear of sex or what is making you feel afraid or nasty can be curred with professional help.

[pellaz]

Asexual is an orientation like bisexual, heterosexual, etc., it is not a disease and therefore can not be "cured".

maybe not, i am not a professional, it may be a lot of things:
recent article "Gay by Choice? The Science of Sexual Identity" MotherJones

[Aester]

As on the topic, is it only me to feel an awkwardness about sex? Im still a virgin and im not proud nor am i ashamed but as the though of exposing my self and having someone examine me just feels... creepy.

[Rainbowmum]

You really do need to address this with a professional.

[SleepTalker]

Like everyone else i think professional help would be the best decision. Maybe you could start by touching the other person and let their hands wander a bit, just a bit. Try letting the persons hand wander more and more as time goes on. I dont mean you should do it all in one night. Try it over a span of weeks if you have to. I think eventually you will start to relax and feel comfortable with the other person. Im no professional though. This is my opinion.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Depends on what you mean by "don't like the idea of someone touching".

Asexual people, real asexual people - are indifferent to sex.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/indifferent for the definition.

In psychology I believe the 'correct' term is apathy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apathy

Being asexual means you have no feelings - neither positive nor negative toward the act - you would just not be interested.

You are experience fear, you are emotionally invested to the act - albeit in a negative manner.

People who were children of abuse (all sorts, not just sexual abuse) usually end up having issues with sex in general. Many fear the act, not so much because of the act itself but because it is a form of intimacy. If there was abuse in your past, either in your childhood or from a domestic partner, there may be a real intimacy issue here, not a 'lack of interest' in sex.

If you have suffered from any form of abuse - be it emotional, physical, sexual from anyone you may want to seriously consider professional help to deal with the issues. I would strongly recommend going to a psychologist first. Psychiatrists tend to be to quick to write prescriptions which can really mess a person up when it comes to the mood altering substances most MD's pass out like candy.

A psychologist (therapist) will work with you, help you to figure out what is up with you, and then proceed to give you tools to work with your issues and 'deal with' common everyday things that may be exacerbated by per-existing conditions.

A psychologist will know if medicines are needed as part of the therapy - however they tend to hold off on having you on drugs for a longish while.

Fear of a thing is usually a 'bad sign' unless its warranted, like fear of drinking drano - there is sound reason to be afraid to drink the drano