How do I find a guy?

[countyboy]

I have a question and it may be a strange one. I am from a very small town and I do not know of any gay people around the area and neither do my firends. There are a couple "suspected" gay people but that is it. I am on a few online hookup sites but that is NOT what I really want. There is a large city three hours away that I go to every once in a while and hit the bars. I have horrible gaydar and I dont give off a gay vibe so I guess I am pretty much screwed huh? haha There has been a few guys I though might be gay but what do I do when I suspect? Do I just go up and hit on them? What if they are not gay? ugh... anyway why is this so difficult? haha Any info would be appriciated. Thanks

[LostGay]

Are you going to gay bars? Depending where you live, it can be very dangerous, even in this day and age, hitting on a straight guy, especially in a straight environment. If you are going to a gay bar, most likely the guys are gay. But even then most of the guys I found were just looking to hook up.

There are sites like Match.com, Gay.com, Eharmony.com that you can post singles ads on that aren't such hookup sites.

I can forewarn that even those sites have the guys just looking for a hookup so one of my tricks I learned to weed people out was I stopped meeting people right away, no matter how well we hit it off. I always told the guy up front that I don't meet people until I got to know them for awhile. That I like to talk online, or even on the phone, a few times before meeting them. Someone who is really looking to hook up is usually not going to invest that kind of time just to hook up. When I started doing this I saw my hookup people drop off drastically. When I would meet a guy, I would meet them. I wouldn't have them pick me up so I had a way to get myself home if I needed. I also would tell the guy straight out that I don't do the sex right away thing. That I didn't have sex with someone until I got to know them for awhile. The second filter for the hookup guys. When we went out, we went out. Not to the guy's house. We went to dinner, a movie, show, club, whatever. And a lot of times if the guy suggested a restaurant or club, I would say I wanted to go somewhere else (not in a mean sounding way) but it helped put them out of their comfort zone. A couple of guys I went out with that turned out to be hookups flat out said they would "frequent" a certain restaurant or bar. And if you really are serious that you are looking for a real relationship, as hard as sometimes it may be, you need to hold the sex thing for a later time. When I first started dating guys, many of them I felt like I hit it off and many times would hook up on the first date and never heard from them again. When I stopped doing that, it started showing me the guys who were in for the haul and who wasn't.

Wish you luck in your search. I know it is tough in small towns to find someone but it will happen someday!

[iPromise]

Hey look Countyboy and Lost Gay you're both Sagittarius!! lol. : )

Umm, so I'm not good at this gaydar thing either, I never really knew there existed one! ha-ha, neither do I know how to use it -.-'

Matter of fact it's difficult for gay guys, that's why you find most of us on online websites, we know we're gay, we're promoting ourselves as gay, and we know that only gay guys will be coming looking through.

But in a small town that can be difficult, you may or may not find anyone in range, sadly sucks :'(

With the above said, it gets even more difficult to find a guy who doesn't care about the zipper but appreciates a real guy who just want to chill, get to know you, and have a great relationship. Lost Gay totally said some valid stuff on how to weed out the zipper looking guys and just find the totally compassionate and caring type of guys.

We do exist, we're not all zipper hunters, so hopefully you find one of us soon. ^_~ good luck bud,