02-25-2012, 06:53 AM
I'm a 19 year old gay man in Kentucky, and my coming out didn't actually work...
My parents are divorced, and both southern baptists. At the time, I thought I was about to move out, and I felt it was wrong to leave this part of my life without being completely truthful with them about who I was. That being said, I found it much easier to come out to my brothers first, and build up support that week before talking to our mom.
I waited a week for the right time, and I finally had a moment alone in the house that I felt was the best chance I was going to get. I stumbled a bit over what I was trying to say, but eventually I managed to just say the words "I'm gay." I was actually in tears by this point(I don't get emotional often) because My last great secret was relieved and I was going to be free to move on with the knowledge that I had kept nothing from her that she deserved to know.
But her only response was "Who told you that?"
I was 18. I was an honors student, My IQ was 20pts higher than hers. and she actually thought someone else had convinced me I was gay because no son of hers could come to this conclusion on their own.
I couldn't for the life of me think of how to answer that, so I simply left in tears. My college grants fell through, and I wound up not leaving home that year. But instead of this being some huge elephant in the room, my mother has continued on as if that night never happened. she tells me not to have girls in my room with the door shut, she asks me about the women I bring around(some of whom are clearly lesbians) and if I'm "involved" with them.
The night completely destroyed my plan to tell my father. He was always so proud of me as the football lineman I was in highschool. He's proud of my scholastic achievements. I don't know how he would react if he knew.
so I'm left at sort of a moral crossroads here. On the one hand, I feel my parents deserve to know their son. They invested years of their life into me, and it would be my greatest shame to repay their love with secrets. And on the other hand, This news would come as a burden to them.
I've left this issue alone for a year now, but soon I'll be heading off to college for sure, and I'm back where I started.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My parents are divorced, and both southern baptists. At the time, I thought I was about to move out, and I felt it was wrong to leave this part of my life without being completely truthful with them about who I was. That being said, I found it much easier to come out to my brothers first, and build up support that week before talking to our mom.
I waited a week for the right time, and I finally had a moment alone in the house that I felt was the best chance I was going to get. I stumbled a bit over what I was trying to say, but eventually I managed to just say the words "I'm gay." I was actually in tears by this point(I don't get emotional often) because My last great secret was relieved and I was going to be free to move on with the knowledge that I had kept nothing from her that she deserved to know.
But her only response was "Who told you that?"
I was 18. I was an honors student, My IQ was 20pts higher than hers. and she actually thought someone else had convinced me I was gay because no son of hers could come to this conclusion on their own.
I couldn't for the life of me think of how to answer that, so I simply left in tears. My college grants fell through, and I wound up not leaving home that year. But instead of this being some huge elephant in the room, my mother has continued on as if that night never happened. she tells me not to have girls in my room with the door shut, she asks me about the women I bring around(some of whom are clearly lesbians) and if I'm "involved" with them.
The night completely destroyed my plan to tell my father. He was always so proud of me as the football lineman I was in highschool. He's proud of my scholastic achievements. I don't know how he would react if he knew.
so I'm left at sort of a moral crossroads here. On the one hand, I feel my parents deserve to know their son. They invested years of their life into me, and it would be my greatest shame to repay their love with secrets. And on the other hand, This news would come as a burden to them.
I've left this issue alone for a year now, but soon I'll be heading off to college for sure, and I'm back where I started.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.