Do you believe in God?

[countyboy]

I am not sure where to beging with this. I may be a little long winded on here because I have recently had different veiws on this.

Let me start out by saying that I was born and raised catholic. I was made to go to church and was an alter boy. I didn't really care for church and wasnt really sure if I believed in god or not then. From about 8th grade until I was about 17 I can remember spending many nights laying in bed and praying that I was not having the feelings I was having about other boys and would even cry myself to sleep on many occations for fear that I was gay. I grew up in this town that I still live in that does not have any known "gays" in the area and have heard many people through out my childhood talk badly about them and I sure didn't want myself to be gay. I guess my fear went to anger and I completly quit going to church and told my parents I would never go to church again and that there was no god. I didn't know why up until a couple of years ago but I am pretty sure I just figured if there was a god why would he put me through this? Every year my mom would ask me to go to church with her on Christmas which I refused. When people brought up god or jesus I would tell them flat out that there is no such thing! When you die you get baried and you rot, end of story! That is how it has been for me up about a year ago. I happen to find a guy that I had a descrete relationship with. He lived two hours from me so I would go there every weekend for about three months and I can say I guess for the first time in my life I found love. Something I had never felt or alowed myself to feel and it was great.mile: Welll I soon learned the hard way that love sucks and I got burned but thats another story.... JK, it was a great feeling and hope to feel it again. Anyway, there I was, in the closet, crushed and nobody to talk to about it. I found out what being depressed was all about. I couldn't even go up to my parents for dinner for fear that I would have a breakdown. One night when it was really rough my sisters 8 year old called me up and told me what she did at school and told me she loved me out of the blue. I definatly needed that on that night. Then I had one friend that would post theses sayings on her facebook wall and it was like they were all the right words that I needed to hear ( I stole a lot of theses sayings off her wall and you can see them in my albums on here.) Another night, I went to bed feeling completely down and out I turned my radio on and this song by Kid Rock that I had never heard came on "Faith" was the name of it. Listen to it sometime. Things right down to a fortune cookie in a restraunt that I got. I cant remember the message but it was dead on. It was just one strange "message" after another and it was getting creepy. I went to a christmas play for my neices and one of the kids on stage with a star role I reconized to be the son of a girl in my highschool class. She had struggled with cancer for a few years and passed about six months before. She had two kids. Then another class came out with a hadicaped child which had a huge smile on her face and was just happy to be there. I sat there feeling pretty selfish that night thinking about the two boys going through there childhood without a mother and the handicaped kid just happy to be there and me sitting there sulking because I was gay. When I finally quite feeling bad for myself I stopped and looked back at the whole thing. When I was down and out with nobody, was sombody looking out for me? I think so.... I don't know who or what and it's not like I plan on going back to church but it made me think. I live in a area full of homophobes. I am a masculine guy that has a ton of Homophobic firends. Was I put in this small town of closed minded people for a reason? Am I sopose to show these "freinds" that talk so badly about "queers" that the person they have always known and called there friend is gay? Maybe there is a god and maybe that is my challenge to make a diffenece so the next boy or girl doesn't have to pray and cry themselves to sleep and can go to bed happy with the person that he or she is.... I am not sure who helped me and is still helping me but there is something or somebody guiding me. This has been a rough year but I am one hell of a better person than I was a year ago because of it and have learned so much more about life. The important things.
Sorry to sound sappy and I hope I don't sound crazy, I am sure if I would have read this about six months ago I would have thought I was a freak.

[colinmackay]

I don't know if there is a God, however since I've never seen any evidence nor has any trusted source given any detailed evidence for any god or gods I tend towards the "no".

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

[fenris]

we have a horned God .... does that count ? But .. no panic ... our horned God is the Santa Clause of the Christians.... disarmed and "dishorned" in this Version :biggrin:

[countyboy]

Sorry, didn't mean to make that so deep and depressing but as you can see I have put a lot of thought into the whole god thing

[Genersis]

Nope.
I'm an atheist.
I don't believe in or worship any deity.
Never have.

Not to say there definitely isn't a divine being, if there is, it is either unaware of our existance, or doesn't wish to make itself know.
Either way, the divine being(s) definitely aren't Omnipotent, Omniscient and omni-benevolent. Perhaps they aren't even Omni anything?
Assuming they exist of course.
Until something presents its self to me to make me change my mind; i'm more then happy living a life without a god.mile:

[azulai]

Sorry, didn't mean to make that so deep and depressing but as you can see I have put a lot of thought into the whole god thing

There is nothing wrong with what you wrote. I enjoyed reading it.

eta: Well, I guess I should answer the question. mile:

I've struggled with this for quite some time. Still struggling.

I believe there is some great energy in the universe that just is. I don't think it wants to be worshiped. We just feel that energy and people try to explain it. But, it just is.

I've felt that energy and respect it but I don't pray. I've felt its protection.

I feel more comfortable with Tao philosophy and humanism. Both lift up rather than drag down. I'm kind of a nature boy, believing in Mother Earth and that everything has a spirit that should be respected. I meditate and enjoy dwelling in the light.

I think organized religion is about controlling people because it teaches people to accept things without questioning. I just don't react very well to being told what I have to do or controlled. And, questioning is my nature.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have a Doctorate of Ministry AKA D.Min (demin - demon - :o ) Among a few other useless scraps of paper....

I nearly, very nearly, became a Friar.

I spent a bit over three years actively ministering. In order to get your Demon -er I did mean D.Min is to actively be a minister for a period of time, back then it was 3 years (most likely still is). As a sponsored wanna-be Friar I did community work through the Society of St Francis of Assisi, I was in Sodom for a while where I lived at the Friary (San Francisco) were I worked with the brothers in 'missionary' work while I attended Seminary. Then I was sent to Gomorrah to do more work, at the time the Society didn't have a permanent house (they might still not) So Gomorrah was an out-reach city. Gomorrah - Las Vegas.

Back then I had more faith in the Church (The idea of Organized Religion) than I did in this God Person. In short, the Church broke my faith - the longer story is far more convoluted and includes my learning the truth about Organized Religion, the truth about the bible and how it is a propaganda tool, the truth that few of the men I respected and held as honorable (Brothers) were actually that honorable and a few other things.

I lost faith in the Church.

From that time on things in my life gets a bit tricky. Then I really started learning that there is a God and I got faith in God. A much different thing than faith in an organization.

I have other 'issues' from living life - my childhood is best forgotten - which thankfully I have successfully forgotten several years of my childhood, much to the angst of my therapists (mind that is plural) who insist that things far worse than I recall took place, ergo my waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat screaming (I still do that, about 5-7 times a year) and several other things.

I turned to alcohol then drugs - I dropped the alcohol once I learned the wonders of cocaine then methamphetamine. One good thing about meth, you don't sleep. I hate sleeping (See Cold Sweats and Screaming above).

There are other 'episodes' to my life. I have been places I do not talk about. I have dealt with 'issues' and 'people' (people is a loose description) that most folk never meet.

I survived these 'things', By the grace of God I am not in ward B bouncing off the walls.

By the Grace of God I am not dead (Well technically I died twice 30 December 1994 through overdose of 'anti-depressants' given to me under a faulty diagnoses.)

By the Grace of God I didn't end up in prison, institutions or dead through my drug use. I came close - real close, 6'2" pushing the scales at 139 pounds soaking wet.

By the Grace of God there is a lot of things that could and most likely should have happened to me that did not happen.

I do not believe in luck - it happens to often around me.

I survived a lot - and through my faith in God I have thrived.

I know through my life that there is a "God" - Maybe not the God as spoken of in the Bible, but some power, some 'being' that does act and react and does 'do stuff' for us humans. No not wondrous life saving stuff (not always), but stuff that makes this existence on this planet easier.

As part of my work with the the Friars while I was in Gomorrah (Las Vegas) I worked in a hospice like environment. In essence terminal patients with nothing left but a few agonizing breaths are sent home to die. This was in the 1980's - the height of the Gay Plague. I have seen what AIDS untreated looks like and what it does. I also got my first taste of what a society of Church Goers who believe and spout off about this eternal punishment and God not loving a person because they are gay. I have seen first hand how that horror is present with a person when they are dying.

It is not pretty.

I have seen death - not just from disease. I have seen torture (Indeed I have been tortured), I have seen the end result of the many depravities and horrors that humans can visit upon other humans. They call me cynical - trust me dear child, I'm not a cynic, I am a realist - I know what humans can do, I've seen a lot.

I can clearly recall the night that a man was shot with two bullets through the chest. I wish I could say I held his hand while he was dying. The truth is that I was doing my best to hold his blood in while be bled out while a group of stupid cattle decided to herd up and watch the man die. I had to scream several times to get one of them to move and make a call for paramedics. Damn useless herd just wanted to stand there and watch. Humans suck.

This man only wanted one thing, last rites. Without the proper tools I let him have his 'last confession' and Penance. While I am not Catholic, I do and did have the 'ability' to perform this for the man. Yes he died, he died before the EMT showed up, but he did die happier knowing his soul was safe in the hands of God.

He knew where he was going. A brutal sudden death was eased by the knowledge that he was going to God.

He knew there was a God - and I saw it in his eyes before he shuffled off this mortal coil.

The others who I ministered to while they sat waiting for Mr Death to walk in, most of them died happier knowing that they were going to God - God as they understood God.

The worse of those, the most unhappy deaths - were those who died believing that there was no God, or worse, that because they were gay that God didn't love them.

I have seen death descend into too many eyes. I have seen the potential horror, the fear, the turmoil that death can bring to those who have no faith, or who feel that millions of Christians telling them that they are gay they are doomed to hell. I have seen Godless death - it is not peaceful, it is not serene - it is hell.

I have also seen the peace, serenity and joy in knowing that after this life there is something more in those who had faith. They died, went to sleep and were at peace.

I believe, no, I know there is a God.

I do not pretend to know God's Plan for humanity. But I know there is one. No i do not understand how God would allow millions to die in a tsunami, or How God allows us to make war a pass-time. No I do not understand why there are terrible, debilitating, slow killing diseases.

All I know is that the knowledge, the faith in God makes it easier for many.

There is a God - even if he is just a delusion.

[Robin]

So many people have different definitions of what God is, of what the word means. Some claim God is not real but have rediculous ideas of what God is or what the word implies... others see reasonable understandings and still do not believe...

I tend to think that given that there is no proof of it existing nor not-existing, it is senseless to believe and just as senseless to not believe. it is possible.

i think as a Buddha once said...roughly 'One does not have to know of God or believe to follow the right path.'

Though i recognize that, that which we are in...the everything exists... I think of it as the Tao... How is the Universe not God like? Maybe it even thinks...does it not have brains?:humans in it...

[Maverick]

That has been a long time struggle for me. Gone to church (a few different denominations) and been very involved, even holding board positions. However. many many times I've questioned my faith, and then feel guilty about it. Like many others, prayed to God to help "take away" the gay feelings, but to no avail. Stopped going to church for pretty much 6 years now...

[Maverick]

Countryboy, I read your post, and I can so relate to what you've gone through...