how do others Know?

[dlboy53]

Ok this happened last night to me and took me by surprise. So it got me thinking and wanted to ask other this question.

How did someone you know know that you are gay, what gave it away?

This is my story:

Of course this happened last night at work of all places. One of the managers point blank asked if I was gay and if I was that it did not make any difference to him. So for the first time outside the bars or gay clubs I told him yes and we chatted for a bit. (For some of you that don't know I came out to myself a little less then a year ago). Even though this kind of shocked me because I have always acted straight and never considered myself the flamboyant type. So I asked him what gave it away, he said it was several things

my smile, said I'm always smiling and most guys don't smile (ok I can see this one)
my hair (ok maybe can see this because I use hair products a lot to spice it up)
my eyes ( have no clue on this one)
and my pants, because they are always clean (ok aren't you supposed to wear clean clothes to work)

What have you found out?

[pellaz]

my eyes ( have no clue on this one)

maybe he meant your attention is on the men not the ladies?

generally people know:
-never married
-camp behavior
-sports; "gays cant catch"
-homophobic
-wear a watch
-your from Boise ID and not a red neck
...

[sneakyc25]

I feel like the looks on people's faces can give it away. As well as looking into someone's eyes. Of course this is just a theory of mine.

[Pix]

There are a very few people who have an amazing ability to detect gays and all other kinds of people (not that such intuition is perfect), even when they aren't paying attention and don't care. They seem to be extremely rare, however, and I don't know how it is they do this.

I know I can sense bi and lesbian women by the way they look at me (whether or not they're actually interested in me), but I find myself at a loss of words to explain it other than "it's different" from how other women look at me.

My current partner said she recognized me and my ex for girlfriends because of the way we looked, smiled, and touched each other, though this was subtle and as far as I know no one else ever noticed. I figured the way we were would be like real good friends but she says there's a definite difference when I look, smile, touch my BFF. Though she did say (and this I find believable, and I'm glad this was subtle) that where she was certain my ex and I were girlfriends was because she frequently had a "possessive" look (she said her look was harsh on others and sometimes downright steely) when she was by me and looked at others, especially others who came near me.

[dlboy53]

maybe he meant your attention is on the men not the ladies?

generally people know:
-never married - ok I'm not married given
-camp behavior - not sure what you mean here but I love camping
-sports; "gays cant catch" I play several sports and yes I can catch
-homophobic - not sure what this has do do with someone noticing your gay or not
-wear a watch - hate watches
-your from Boise ID and not a red neck - what does big city Idaho have to do with red necks
...

Plus I'm asking what people saw in you that gave it away

[7Chakras]

Not all of these apply to homosexuals, but they definitely possess these traits more often than the typical hetero.

Clean cut(clean face, trimmed nails, moisturized, make-up, etc), Jewelry, Smile, Attitude, How you hold yourself(basically your stance), Never talk about woman(or vise versa), Hair, Anti-Racist, Walking, Clothes(expensive, specific brands, matching colors, etc), Speech(how you sound, proper english, how you speak to woman, how you speak to men, lisps, etc), Lotion, Built, Tan, More easily sociable around woman, Shaved legs, I already said clothes but it's important, Car, Food, Only hanging out with guys, etc etc.
Especially what sneakyc25 said, eyes are a huge part of it, not only from what you are looking at, but since the eyes are the window to your soul, you can come to a conclusion that someone is gay even if they do not possess any of the typical traits.

Just a few things that one can see in an individual that would cause their 'gaydar' to go off.
It is more of a subconscious assumption we make from our brain automatically calculating these factors into someone.
Homosexuals are more conscious, they are more aware of their environment, more aware of themselves, and in a sense, prime beings.
Since I understand some of the factors involved in one guessing another's sexuality, I have never been singled out, to answer your question.

[matty7]

they didnt in me - most were very suprised but didnt care.. but i can in others - especially the way ur boss says - "the eyes", mainly the way we look at other guys passing - they may follow the other guy even though they've past- straight guys would hardly even notice another pass at all !!

[dfiant]

It's not only gays that have the gift of a 'gaydar', but having said that, there are clues that intuitive people can pick up, as mentioned above.

I have never told anyone at my work that I am gay, I'm a typical bloke, I don't swish and I am not flambouyant, but I have been asked several times and always answered honestly. I have had 3 promotions since so it certainly hasn't hindered or , considering most of the other that share my position are straight, enhanced my carer path.

[zeon]

with me im like my father at times... A tad camp except my father is straight and im bent.... Bit like doing the maths on this one lol

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I can't think of anyone who has 'guessed' that I am gay.

Most people I inform don't believe me. I tend to have to convince others that I am gay, few 'assume' that I am. I had trouble in gay bars - many guys assumed I was a straight man 'trolling the bars'.

Even when I am with my partner (who is obviously fae) people assume he is my gay brother and not really my lover.