Eight is equal to capital "d"

[Counselor]

Hi. I've been thinking about touching penises while masturbating since I could do both. But being raised in a Christian home didn't go far to help the denial, and now I'm almost thirty and about to go through a divorce with an amazing woman that can't stand me right now, but always showed me that being who you are will make you happier than being who you think everyone wants you to be. Right now I have to take her word for it, since I haven't really seen the evidence yet, but not feeling like I'm always trying to keep myself secret has been a huge relief. Now I'm here, looking for support/information/laughs from other people with alternative sexuality.

And just so this isn't another welcome thread, I'll ask a question: from what I've read, "gay" as a term indicates a subscription to a specific gender role in the traditional binary, is that correct?

[pellaz]

welcome to the forum

[7Chakras]

There really isn't any specific reason as to why someone turned out gay.
You could say that you can't pass on a 'gay gene' because we can't breed,
but then again, we are entirely capable of breeding.
My father could have been a homosexual genetically and suppressed his urges,
and then passed it on to me. There is a possibility it could be inherited, but it isn't everything.

There is also a likelihood of childhood experience with friends or even family
that could have 'contributed' to your turn out.
During development as a youth one could be coded to be straight,
which is how it typically is, have several traumatic experiences that shift the 1's and 0's
out of place and replace it with a forced homosexuality.

Very rarely, but I can see a traditional heterosexual have so many bad experiences
with his mother, girl friends, wives, and woman altogether that he has become so sexist
he changes himself in order to not be hurt by them anymore.

There are many different possibilities the could lead one to becoming gay.

[Counselor]

7Shakras:
Did you mean to post this in a different thread? If not, I agree with you, as long as genetics only carry a disposition, and emotional experience colors that propensity until a sexual identity is established. My question was more about the slang terms, like the difference between "gay" and "queer" and the affect gender has on those terms.
And thank you, pellaz, i'll be careful. :grin:

[Almac]

Hi Uncarvedblock what a wonderful way of describing yourself. I would loved to have answered your question which is a good one, but I don't feel qualified to do so. Although for my little bit for what it's worth, gay mean so many things to each individual. from a Straight acting gay man to a feminine gay person, no-one person is the same thankfully. :confused::confused:

[7Chakras]

Maybe I am not understanding your question Uncarvedblock,
and maybe I have been drinking too much.
When you ask what is the difference between "gay" and "queer", there really isn't one.
If you do not mind, would you rephrase that question please?

[Counselor]

So the terminology doesn't carry much weight around here, then. Okay, that makes it simpler.
And thank you!

edit: sorry 7Shakras, I missed your post. Some people in the gay community refer t their sexuality as queer to specify that they don't subscribe to a gender role. I didn't know if the language had changed so that gay indicates gender roles, if queer does not.

[LateBloomer]

So the terminology doesn't carry much weight around here, then. Okay, that makes it simpler.
And thank you!

edit: sorry 7Shakras, I missed your post. Some people in the gay community refer t their sexuality as queer to specify that they don't subscribe to a gender role. I didn't know if the language had changed so that gay indicates gender roles, if queer does not.

Welcome.

I've seen the word queer used mostly in a political context as it seems some gays have tried to "recapture" the word so that it doesn't have the original derogatory connotations.

Sort of how blacks sometimes use the N word, much to the consternation of their community.

A rose is just as lovely by any other name.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

And just so this isn't another welcome thread, I'll ask a question: from what I've read, "gay" as a term indicates a subscription to a specific gender role in the traditional binary, is that correct?

That would be incorrect.

See I am a guy who is male who is into males - no gender 'role' here.

The most noticed gays are the flamers.



Chris Kanyon - Gay (dead now, sad story) But Gay.




John Amaechi - ^^^ - Gay too...

I doubt you would walk up to either of these men and think of them as anything approaching 'female' in form, style, build and behavior. These are 100% men.

The typical 'gay' you hear about is about 20% of all gay males. The majority of us are all men, into construction, sports, hunting, etc. we are doctors, lawyers, judges, farmers, engineers, etc. etc. etc.

We do not play gender roles in bed.

We are two people of the same gender having sex.


Gay is much more than just an act of sex. Being gay means you want to be with a person of the same gender - much as you were with the wife. This goes beyond acts of sex.

It is acts of love, commitment, sharing, companionship, yada yada yada.

Two penises touching may sound gay, but its not. That is just sex.

[Counselor]

Lol, wow, I'll have to remember to post carefully and very clearly.

A little background on me: I fell in love with my best friend from high school, and if he was gay and would have me I could die I unreasonably happy. But he stopped taking to me at the end of high school over rumors that we were a couple, which he didn't tell me for almost a year after we graduated. Then he stopped talking to me again a short while after that when he was going to college out of town.
I'm still a little in love with him, which is why I only rarely mentioned him to my wife, afraid she might catch on. I've always had trouble loving my wife, but if He were to ask me to bleed, I'd ask him "how much?" In high school, I did everything possible to talk to him every single day, tell him a joke just t to see him smile.

I'm certain it isn't just the sex I'm I interested in. Making my wife happy never thrilled me the way out did with Him. With her, it was appeasement for the guilt I was harboring for stealing glances in public, for wishing. I would tell myself "at least she's happy," and I would be jealous. It never registered on an emotional level when I made her happy, but it made my chest swell to hear him laugh.