Mother confessor hear my confession

[iPromise]

Zack, appreciate the feedback. I think I must have mistakenly mentioned that I'm looking at a particular guy? I'm not lol, there isn't a guy in my life, nor is there one that I'm looking at. The guy I keep referring back to is the past, I hate going back to him, cause it's a sad story, blah.

But thanks for the advice ^_~

And Zet, I guess if you're 20+ and have no clue what you want to do in life is a possibility, no one ever talk about it that way though. But I guess I value time, and I have this feeling that there isn't much time we have, so we shouldn't waste it doing nothing, we should act and improve ourselves, the fact that we don't realize what we want to do yet, means we need to research our interests.

[East]

Like I said above, every guy I meet which I think is bad, I compare to my one and only true love (who all hell broke lose with).

I can completely understand that...I know if my lover left me or died...that is it for me. I am positive about that. No one could ever come close to him and it would not be fair to anyone else because I would measure them against him...and they would lose. BUT...I am old....you are young and that makes all the difference. It does help to be specific about some things and flexible about others I suppose. The more you are able to know what it is you want in a man the better off you will be. I don't think what you want is "wrong",,,,I prefer to think that maybe your perfect match possess the qualities that you are driven to look for.

[countyboy]

Okay, let me confess now. Firstly, let me tell you my experience thus far.

I met this great guy about two years ago, he's a psychology major, just like me, he has a plan for the future. We started out a friends only, but later on he confessed he had "feelings" for me and well all hell broke lose after that, a story for anyone interested another day.

He's the only guy I've ever truly love, fell flat for, why? Because he had a future, he had a plan, he was seeking out a great educational career.

I've met a few other gay guys during my time so far, but none was able to meet my expectations, none could have matched my love. I hated the fact that these gay guys I've met only was living in the moment, didn't care about school, about a proper education, and really didn't have a bigger picture plan for themselves. They were working at places you'd find high schoolers at (don't meant to insult anyone, I understand the hard times we're all facing), what upsets me is that they don't seek out more!

My experience so far with gay guys have made me discriminate against gay men who are not up to par with my love. Perhaps my only true love, he really left not only a scar on me, but an expectation that I'll forever look for in a guy.

Is that bad, terrible to discriminate agains guys who does not meet my expectations to have a proper life?

I have recently asked myself this same question. Is there any gay guys that have a good job, education, wants more than just a hook up? Where are the guys that are looking for a future with a best friend / partener? Its depressing when eveyguy it seems like I talk to lives day to day and has no plans.

[iPromise]

I have recently asked myself this same question. Is there any gay guys that have a good job, education, wants more than just a hook up? Where are the guys that are looking for a future with a best friend / partener? Its depressing when eveyguy it seems like I talk to lives day to day and has no plans.

Ah! Finally, someone else who thinks like me! I understand where you're coming from, and exactly my point! : )

Why is it that we're so hard to find? -.-' gosh people say this world is small, but dam it's hard to find that person. :frown:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Lets see. The markets tanked in 2008, that was 4 years ago, you are 22, that means you were what 18 when the markets exploded?

I doubt you were in the job market beforethe collapse. It was dog eat dog - sure there were more jobs, but lets face it if you act remotely gay you are not going to be hired by most companies. No they won't say 'Hey, your a fag, we don't hire fags.' But they just go ahead and toss your resume in the trash.

Right now and for oh about the past 4 years jobs have been far, far tighter. Now I personally haven't been out there looking for a job, and I am never mistaken for being gay (even at gay bars ) But I do know a few gay males who are slightly gay acting that have found it to be far, far, far harder to get a job than my straight mates.

Consider yourself lucky if you find a guy who does have a job - I don't care if that job is for "high-schoolers".

As for having one's act together. Most people are pretending. This isn't like it was 25 years ago when people were still going into one line of work for life. People are retooling and rethinking there options every decade, some even at a faster interval.

30 is the age when folk really buckle down and decide what to do in life. This is why a marriage in the 30's lasts over ones in the 20's.

20-something year olds are usually stupid, naive, and have no clue what the real world is like. That is what being 20 something is all about, learning, experiencing so by the time you hit 30 you have the data to really decide what you want to do in life.

Look, I had my D.Min. and a few other scraps of paper by the time I hit 24. guess what, Since age 25 I haven't exercised those degrees. I'm in 'high-schooler' work - Construction (General contractor, own my own business, in debt up to my eye balls).

Life happens - life changed my mind on a lot of preconceived notions I had about this planet in my 20's. I am not an active minister today because I no longer have any faith in the Church. I am not in nursing because I watched a dozen or so too many people die of terminal illness. Life experience changed my mind. I went back to the hard manual labor I actually loved doing when I was working myself through seminary and university.

This happens to a lot of people - a lot. My partner has a Masters in Law. Guess what, he works at Target and hasn't been in a law office as a law clerk since the mid-1990's (Oh he still has the student loan from Sally Mae). What happened? He developed seizures related to the heap of stress he was under. It was change the career or risk death. Choice, choices.

I have at least a dozen friends who have degrees that they do not use. In their 20's they thought X career would be cool. In their 30's, 40's and 50's they found their real passion.

Conversly, I knew guys in my 20's who were lay abouts, smoking pot, drinking, living off their parents that are now way up in business pulling down big bucks. One guy is part owner of a small thing called 'Facebook' (I doubt you have heard of it, few people every have). Another guy I know got in on the ground floor of Apple's Ipad, Ipod and other I-crap (The real reason why I hate I-stuff) he was shiftless and borrowed thousands of dollars from me. Now he is pulling down a 6 digit income today. (Yes he still owes me those thousands of dollars).

Times and people change.

You are 22. Do you understand that with the advances predicted in medicine over the next 25 years you will most likely live to be 120 or more? That means you have 5 times as much life ahead of you than you have behind you. That means all of those other lazy, shiftless 20-something year olds also have that much time - a century, to figure out what to do with their life when they grow up.

You have unrealistic goals set for the rest of the world. Stop it.

[iPromise]

hmm, Bowny great feedback.

I've never said that it isn't difficult to find a job, neither did I intentionally meant to insult anyone who have "high school jobs". I simply just wanted to confess my "unrealistic goals" I have for the world.

I totally understand your part about gay guys having a difficult time to find a job, but that's besides my whole point, I don't care if you're gay and don't' have a job, I do care though if you have no idea or plans for the future. Sure things are going to change five or ten years from now, I understand that, but I'm simply talking about the gay guys that I've met so far, I never wanted to generalize my confession.

You kinda make it sound like I am generalizing this to the whole world, which I'm not, or at least I didn't intentionally meant for it to be like that.

Either way, I'd love to meet an educated guy who simply have plans for the future... whether it's financial, further education, etc...

The guys I've met so far are far from my "unrealistic goals". Lol, perhaps thinking about your future and well being really is unrealistic, who would have guessed?

[AlephNull]

Lets see. The markets tanked in 2008, that was 4 years ago, you are 22, that means you were what 18 when the markets exploded?

I doubt you were in the job market beforethe collapse. It was dog eat dog - sure there were more jobs, but lets face it if you act remotely gay you are not going to be hired by most companies. No they won't say 'Hey, your a fag, we don't hire fags.' But they just go ahead and toss your resume in the trash.

Right now and for oh about the past 4 years jobs have been far, far tighter. Now I personally haven't been out there looking for a job, and I am never mistaken for being gay (even at gay bars ) But I do know a few gay males who are slightly gay acting that have found it to be far, far, far harder to get a job than my straight mates.

Consider yourself lucky if you find a guy who does have a job - I don't care if that job is for "high-schoolers".

As for having one's act together. Most people are pretending. This isn't like it was 25 years ago when people were still going into one line of work for life. People are retooling and rethinking there options every decade, some even at a faster interval.

30 is the age when folk really buckle down and decide what to do in life. This is why a marriage in the 30's lasts over ones in the 20's.

20-something year olds are usually stupid, naive, and have no clue what the real world is like. That is what being 20 something is all about, learning, experiencing so by the time you hit 30 you have the data to really decide what you want to do in life.

Look, I had my D.Min. and a few other scraps of paper by the time I hit 24. guess what, Since age 25 I haven't exercised those degrees. I'm in 'high-schooler' work - Construction (General contractor, own my own business, in debt up to my eye balls).

Life happens - life changed my mind on a lot of preconceived notions I had about this planet in my 20's. I am not an active minister today because I no longer have any faith in the Church. I am not in nursing because I watched a dozen or so too many people die of terminal illness. Life experience changed my mind. I went back to the hard manual labor I actually loved doing when I was working myself through seminary and university.

This happens to a lot of people - a lot. My partner has a Masters in Law. Guess what, he works at Target and hasn't been in a law office as a law clerk since the mid-1990's (Oh he still has the student loan from Sally Mae). What happened? He developed seizures related to the heap of stress he was under. It was change the career or risk death. Choice, choices.

I have at least a dozen friends who have degrees that they do not use. In their 20's they thought X career would be cool. In their 30's, 40's and 50's they found their real passion.

Conversly, I knew guys in my 20's who were lay abouts, smoking pot, drinking, living off their parents that are now way up in business pulling down big bucks. One guy is part owner of a small thing called 'Facebook' (I doubt you have heard of it, few people every have). Another guy I know got in on the ground floor of Apple's Ipad, Ipod and other I-crap (The real reason why I hate I-stuff) he was shiftless and borrowed thousands of dollars from me. Now he is pulling down a 6 digit income today. (Yes he still owes me those thousands of dollars).

Times and people change.

You are 22. Do you understand that with the advances predicted in medicine over the next 25 years you will most likely live to be 120 or more? That means you have 5 times as much life ahead of you than you have behind you. That means all of those other lazy, shiftless 20-something year olds also have that much time - a century, to figure out what to do with their life when they grow up.

You have unrealistic goals set for the rest of the world. Stop it.

Thank you. Couldn't have said it better. I have goals, but its not like I am 100% certian on how to excecute them. Listen...

You are not a bad person. just go out there, love, and get lost in love. If it doesn't work out? Oh well. Thats life. Move on.

[hoffster]

I feel like you were saying (to use your example) you don't care if someone has a 'minimum wage job' you just care if someone is settling on a 'minimum wage job' as a career... is that right? if so i think i see what you're saying.

i think you're just attracted to people with ambition and drive and I don't see anything wrong with that.

but as Bowyn Aerrow touched on... I'm in that early 20's age group as well. and finding someone with that ambition and drive may be hard.. I know i have drive and ambition, but, i'm in college, and for the moment i'm in college and i want to enjoy those moments while i have them. which i think is a normal attitude for college kids. so I think that's why it may be difficult for you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

hmm, Bowny great feedback.

I've never said that it isn't difficult to find a job, neither did I intentionally meant to insult anyone who have "high school jobs". I simply just wanted to confess my "unrealistic goals" I have for the world.

I totally understand your part about gay guys having a difficult time to find a job, but that's besides my whole point, I don't care if you're gay and don't' have a job, I do care though if you have no idea or plans for the future. Sure things are going to change five or ten years from now, I understand that, but I'm simply talking about the gay guys that I've met so far, I never wanted to generalize my confession.

You kinda make it sound like I am generalizing this to the whole world, which I'm not, or at least I didn't intentionally meant for it to be like that.

Either way, I'd love to meet an educated guy who simply have plans for the future... whether it's financial, further education, etc...

The guys I've met so far are far from my "unrealistic goals". Lol, perhaps thinking about your future and well being really is unrealistic, who would have guessed?

I wasn't ragging on you. It may seem that way. I do lecture a little. :tongue:

What is so important about plans for the future?

Consider the following:

40,000 people died in the US due to an auto accident.
Influenza and Pneumonia killed 52,717
565 tripped, fell and broke their neck (and died).
650 fell out of bed, off the chair, off the couch - guess what - they died.
1,307 fell off a ladder or down a flight of steps - yep you guessed it, they died.
877 were struck by an object (baseball, golfball, little things) they died.
3,482 drowned - a few of those in their own bathtub.
395 were electrocuted - oops.
80 died from venom from plant or animal (yep even nature has it out for you)
50 were struck by lightening - they had a shocking death.
302 from drinking alcohol.

http://danger.mongabay.com/injury_death.htm has the whole list.

Deaths Due to Unintentional (Accidental) Injuries: 97,900

That doesn't include the purposeful deaths (like murder).

I bet most of them had far extending plans, and I'm willing to bet that more than a few of them realized within moments of death that all of those plans were nothing, because they didn't go out and live life, putting off the living of life for after their work, their career, there whatever big plans they had.

Live your life while you can. Take love risks - sure they may not be 100% perfect - but then no man is.

[Zet]

And Zet, I guess if you're 20+ and have no clue what you want to do in life is a possibility, no one ever talk about it that way though. But I guess I value time, and I have this feeling that there isn't much time we have, so we shouldn't waste it doing nothing, we should act and improve ourselves, the fact that we don't realize what we want to do yet, means we need to research our interests.

As do I, life is short as you say. I am scared that I might up in 40 years only seeing back on this day and only see work, work, work, instead of outlive every moment in your life. But living under minimum wage brings you no freedom either. I've though my dream was to become a chef, now its shattered and I feel ratter confused of what I want in life as I went all out on it. Right now I'm just working in a Café down town, not that well paid but is better then Minimum wage. I guess I consider my self lucky although, as more then half of my class in chef school is still Unemployed from the beginning of this summer. Fortune can mean a lot of things, but there will always be people at the bottom even if they don't want it :p