The Bad Bisexual

[AlephNull]

I am a bisexual man, and I know alot of other bisexual people, but here is my problem. They all say stuff like "Bisexuals don't need relations with both genders to feel satisfied. We can be monogamous ", because they don't want to be stereotyped as confused or horny fools. Which I can understand...

But I, personally, do need both genders. Its not like I would die without having a relationship with members of both genders, its just that the female gender and the male gender seem to both bring something different to the table when it comes to relationships, and I enjoy both. Does anyone else have this "problem"? Also...

How do I deal with this when someone asks me "aren't bisexuals just really horny"? I want to be honest (that I do feel a need to be loved by both genders), without accidentally confirming their stereotypes.

[LateBloomer]

Interesting questions.

Obviously I identify (for now) as bi-.

I've written elsewhere that I'm not entirely happy labeling myself as bi- because my sexuality tends to "swing" like a pendulum (or "oscillate" perhaps....).

That is to say, I used to feel either gay or straight. Lately I've been seeing one guy exclusively (long distance) and to be quite honest, I happen to simply feel gay these days.

So I don't know what the answers are to your questions, but I think human sexuality is so *nuanced*--even fickle--that I'm reluctant to nail down what should be expected behaviors.

For example, back in my straight days, I think I could have been monogamous. And lately, I certainly aspire towards monogamy with this guy I've been seeing (if only he'd take that leap with me, but that's whole other kettle of fish). The point being, I think the real issue at work in your post is that of monogamy--or exclusivity.

Like I said, human sexuality is very complicated. Some are cut out for single long term relationships. Some of us simply aren't wired like that.

Not sure if that's helpful for you, but I certainly found it therapeutic to write it down.

Best,
LB.

[atb3591]

I'm bi, and its more of an appreciation for both genders. I like guys for being masculine and I like women for being girly. But it doesn't mean that's all I want. I'm in college and I'm allowed to have fun, right?

[pellaz]

my sexuality tends to "swing" like a pendulum (or "oscillate" perhaps ... human sexuality is very complicated. Some are cut out for single long term relationships. Some of us simply aren't wired like that.

I like a domestic home life maybe because my work has always been variable. No bandwidth to deal with both.

Whatever; really important to be honest with your self. If you lie to your self its a given you will not be clear with others.

We get a lot of junk growing up and general dis respect over all. Its a circle of this abuse we accept in our lives and treat every one we meet with cynicism. Gays dont love every one of gods creations.

[Story]

That's a really silly idea "you must be really horny because you are bi" that's not the case at all. Would you Say "wow you must hate sex so you are straight ?" (cuz women are fickle about having sex)
No that's not right either.
Being bi is not about wanting more sex it's simply the fact that you are attracted sexually and physically to both genders instead of one. That is what you should say.

[TheMetalhead]

I agree with Story 100% all bisexuality is is an attraction to both men and women. If you NEED someone of both gender to feel complete then that is your thing. Some need both and some want both, neither is more right or wrong. mile:

[Kiid]

I am a bisexual man, and I know alot of other bisexual people, but here is my problem. They all say stuff like "Bisexuals don't need relations with both genders to feel satisfied. We can be monogamous ", because they don't want to be stereotyped as confused or horny fools. Which I can understand...

But I, personally, do need both genders. Its not like I would die without having a relationship with members of both genders, its just that the female gender and the male gender seem to both bring something different to the table when it comes to relationships, and I enjoy both. Does anyone else have this "problem"? Also...

How do I deal with this when someone asks me "aren't bisexuals just really horny"? I want to be honest (that I do feel a need to be loved by both genders), without accidentally confirming their stereotypes.

My boyfriend is my. We are monogamous.

But everyone is different. You fell the need to be loved by both genders and that is cool. TBH I don't think that bisexuals are just real horny. I think men in general are just real horny.

[LateBloomer]

I like a domestic home life maybe because my work has always been variable. No bandwidth to deal with both.

Whatever; really important to be honest with your self. If you lie to your self its a given you will not be clear with others.

We get a lot of junk growing up and general dis respect over all. Its a circle of this abuse we accept in our lives and treat every one we meet with cynicism. Gays dont love every one of gods creations.

Ok.

Not sure how to respond, but I don't want to ignore your comments since you quoted mine.

I'm just not sure if you're disagreeing with me...or...are you affirming what I wrote?

I guess my point is, there are as many ways to love as there are human beings. Just because one guy chooses the bi- label doesn't mean every other bi- guy is the same.

[Inchante]

People are people and people have different wants and needs. That applies to bisexual people to. In my opinion, that is all you would have to say in response to people who ask that sort of question.

[SemperEadem]

I am a bisexual man, and I know alot of other bisexual people, but here is my problem. They all say stuff like "Bisexuals don't need relations with both genders to feel satisfied. We can be monogamous ", because they don't want to be stereotyped as confused or horny fools. Which I can understand...

But I, personally, do need both genders. Its not like I would die without having a relationship with members of both genders, its just that the female gender and the male gender seem to both bring something different to the table when it comes to relationships, and I enjoy both. Does anyone else have this "problem"? Also...

How do I deal with this when someone asks me "aren't bisexuals just really horny"? I want to be honest (that I do feel a need to be loved by both genders), without accidentally confirming their stereotypes.

You are right in both genders do bring something different to the table relationship wise. I was in a relationship when I was 27 with a woman. I was in denial and I had been burned really bad in a relationship with an ex.

I feel for you as you are treading a difficult path. More difficult then being just gay or straight. Folks gave me grief when they thought I was bi. However that was me. Anyways the relationship didn't work out with the lady which she was. More mature then me at the time. I was in delusional land.

Anyways I don't think you are horny. I think I know where you are coming from. maybe not though.

What to tell folks. Gosh, I told folks that I loved the girl I was with and they took me at my word as they were my friends plus they didn't like to think of me being gay and having to put up with other peoples narrow perceptions. I wish one or too of them had told me to stop deluding myself instead. I know they were thinking it. Anyways I don't think looking back that I was really bi-sexual so perhaps my story wouldn't help you as much as I hope it would but I'll leave it up. Because it might help somebody else.