How do you all do it......

[dlboy53]

It just seems that some of us have a very hard time trying to find that special someone while others seem to get what they want without even trying. I don't know if its the fact that I'm not a photo genetic type person so I never have a good photo to show. I know I tend to be shy when meeting people but I think if given the chance they would find that I'm a caring person with a warm heart. I have heard people talk about grindr on hear and wham bam thank you sam they are with someone but me no response or a chat from anyone. So only leads me to believe that I'm of no interest to anyone. Maybe I'm one of those rare people that just are not met to be with anyone.

I know people say have patients but the right one will come along but my patients are wearing thin. right now I wouldn't mine a week long date just to have one and be dumped in the end.

Any pointers

[Kiid]

Time yes time. Just forget about wanting someone and let them come to you. I know it is the most annoying thing to hear. Just wait. In the end you just get tired of that lonely felling and stop. Well thats what I did. lonely gone and hello boyfriend. Also knowing where you are going in life can help too I think. Having something to do to keep you mind occupied is good. I keep my mind occupied by playing video games.

[princealbertofb]

Hello dlboy.... I think some of it has to do with luck, some of it to do with who you are and personality (it must be more difficult for shy people than for outgoing ones) but some of it might even have to do with being in a certain area of the country. I daresay if you lived in California the opportunities, even on Grindr, would certainly be greater than in Boise, Idaho. Patience is a virtue, indeed, but when it comes to relationships, you do have to do some of the work. It's not going to just happen if you stay closed in behind doors or in front of your computer.

A question: do you go towards people that you find potentially interesting when you see their profiles, or when they appear on Grindr... or do you actually wait for someone to discover your profile and then expect them to make the first move?

I believe that putting out your profile is probably not sufficient to sell your wares and the positive things that you could offer someone, kindness, warmth aren't things that transpire from a profile. You need to start engaging with someone.

So my suggestion, if you haven't already indulged in it, is to be a little more forward and actually invite some of the people you'd like to meet... Of course, they may not answer and you've got to be ready to take some amount of rejection or indifference, but maybe out there is that special someone whose personality you'll match.

Another suggestion might also be to engage conversations and initiate things with people who don't live on your doorstep. Maybe take a trip to other parts of the country, places where gay men go or are present in greater numbers. Of course, you'll still have to sort among the frogs and the opportunists, but the chances will be greater. Think of it as trying to have a baby without an IVF. You've really got to blast those spermatozoa at the ova for them to hatch.

The third thing is you've got to really be ready in your mind. Ready to follow up on some of those meetings and ready to start thinking ''Fuck it, I'm gay and the world can find out, it doesn't matter to me.'' It might make the difference between a one night fling with a stranger and a full blown relationship.

One last thing of importance, to me, is that you've still got to be truthful about what you're looking for, ie a hookup, or a serious relationship, or just say that you don't know where this is leading to for the moment... you're working on it.

Remember that there are basically two ways of finding that special someone: there's the struck by lightning way (love at first sight) but that's probably quite rare, and there's the more common love that develops between two people after they've first struck a friendship and foound a delight in being in each other's company... I believe that's probably more common, so maybe a friendship is what you need to strive for first.

In any case, good luck.

[Almac]

Hi dlboy, please don't belittle yourself, just because the right guy is not around at the moment it does not mean that sooner or later the right man may just turn that corner and say Hi and that will be it. So don't be to hard on yourself, or you will just be throwing out negative vibes to any one coming your way. Think positive and positive things may happen.. But for goodness sake stop beating yourself up....

[pellaz]

your location ... Boise ID is not NYC
Single gay men my age are difficult to find.
anyways take heart, someone is out there, take your time and enjoy
Would you volunteer at the LGBT Center?

[Pix]

In my experience, true relationships grew out of friendships, or at least meeting when one wasn't looking for sex/romance. Going to clubs and the like is looking for people who want to hook up. Even if they're after a relationship, they're probably in a hurry to snag you (or anyone that gets too close to them), and that's generally seen as sex, and it's also a recipe for disaster (though it can work out in the end). So my advice is to look for friendships, and then later look to what friends might be open to more.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi dlboy,
Believe it or not, I found my better half when I was not looking.
I had completely given up and decided that I would travel to the U.S for a break.

A friend of mine introduced me to Terry and we stayed in touch via letters and phone calls.
I had no intention of falling in-love and for many years I kept him at arms length , then somehow he snuck up on me and so did love.

I am still crazy about him, he is much more than just my husband.
He started off as a good friend and still is one of my best friends.
I think he knows me better than I know myself.

You will find your special someone , just give it time.

[sneakyc25]

I hear you man, not only that but I seem to crush on just about anyone who takes interest in me. I hate it and it makes me feel worse. In time everything will be better, I guess...

[pellaz]

I met my partner about 3years ago, odd circumstances put us together.
Things have been a eventful in our lives and he has been a friend and supportive lover.

I would like to think I chose wisely but had little to do with the process. We fell from the sky and landed in each other's lives.

[dlboy53]

worst part is I went for 20 years plus not caring about a relationship and now that I have discovered myself there is not one around to be had, and I don't even remember if I fancied anyone during those years either. That's the frustrating part about this whole thing.