What I am going thru

[Jaenluv]

I'm just a regular guy, that has a lot going on both physcally and mentally. I have suffered from depression, and the need to have that right person in my life. Over the past 4 years I had been involved in a relationship that I had planned on being in from the rest of my life, naive I know. I broke with him and it really sent me to a different place emotionally. I begin acting like a average single guy, meeeting random guys and having sex with people just cause they wanted me. Actually met a couple of guy that i would have like to get to know. But i knew that it would ever workout, based off the reason we met. Within the last month of 2011 I begin opening up myself to wanting to believe in the love I have. I met this guy that I really like and he returns every bit of the attention I give. My problem lies with the distance btwn the two of us (this was also an issue wit my last relationship). And We cant see each other as much as we want, it then becomes a trying situation when I'm horny and want him. Because of the distance I have been look else where to fulfill my sexual desires. I don't think it's right, with temptation all around me, it really hard. ( I know some will say masturbation, but that I find so hard to do cause I don't get the satisfication I need.) Many night I fall asleep with a hard on, and wake up with the need to have the attention, affection, pressence of a man. I felt at one point in a past relationship that I had grow dependent on my lover, not for nothing but his affection & love. I don't want this neediness to be over baring on the person I am interested now. So as the days go by I try to occupy my thought with other things, things that don't involve him or anything that will bring on the sexual erruges-- not easy !! But this is me !!
I guess I came here to vent and have something to do with my thoughts...

[LateBloomer]

Welcome!



I can relate a little.

I'm also trying to take a long distance relationship to the next level.

IT AIN'T EASY!

The difference is, I'm a somewhat older than you and I'm not searching for anyone else at the moment (although I must admit I'm human, and I consider it, and even my long distance guy has told me to "live my life" --- which makes me crazy because I just want to be with him).

The other thing that is different is that I've actually taken steps to move closer to him...

I know...
Some people give me the old...

I'm an adult. And I know what I'm getting into.

I'm just trying to say to you, there are other people here like you and they are usually very supportive, but if you need some honest straight talk they can do that as well.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Story]

Distance is a big issue, especially if you're more vulnerable which you are. You just need someone closer where you have more time to spend with him and take care of your needs, it sounds like you and the other guy click but it ultimately won't work out.

I'd recommend a friend with benefits, that way you can take care of your needs until you find that special someone who is closeby

[wclark03]

Dan savage has a valid point regaurding long distant relationships. He says that there has to be and end in site for the distance. As long as you know after so long (say a month) that you will be together it is more likely the relationship will last. But if there is no end in site to the distance then it puts a strain on the relationship.
Imagine 4000 years ago there was no way to have a long distance relationship. There is a natural selection in mating rituals in nature. Naturally we are not meant to have long distance relationships but to have a companion that is there with us.
Look up the video on you tube video of Dan savage on long distance relationships. I can't post it fox I'm kn my phone atm. Gl

[zeon]

hello and welcome to the forum

kindest regards

zeop x

[pellaz]

... Actually met a couple of guy that i would have like to get to know. But i knew that it would ever workout, based off the reason we met ...

-if you like the guy why not pursue the opportunity. Its who they are not where you met. If i read this correctly.

[monk]

Welcome!

[Almac]

Welcome to the forum.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm just a regular guy, that has a lot going on both physcally and mentally. I have suffered from depression, and the need to have that right person in my life.

People are not to be used for medicinal purposes. Relationships based on 'need' to cling, or feel better for self rarely workout well.

My problem lies with the distance btwn the two of us (this was also an issue wit my last relationship). And We cant see each other as much as we want, it then becomes a trying situation when I'm horny and want him. Because of the distance I have been look else where to fulfill my sexual desires.

Love is a tricky thing, it often - very often, requires sacrifices and compromises. If you can't sacrifice gratification of the sex to wait for this guy, then you are unable to perform this aspect of a relationship and you should seek someone who either a. allows for this (an open relationship) or find some one who you do not need to go running around looking for extra sex with.

This latter may sound good on paper, but long term relationships see dry spells. Stress, work, general life business quickly kills the libido, and rarely does that work out to where both partners are too tired, too stressed out to have sex. More often than not one wants it and the other is not interested and they take turns playing these roles.

Many night I fall asleep with a hard on, and wake up with the need to have the attention, affection, pressence of a man. I felt at one point in a past relationship that I had grow dependent on my lover, not for nothing but his affection & love. I don't want this neediness to be over baring on the person I am interested now.

Its good you see that this is unhealthy behavior, but there are reasons why you are this way and by and large if you ignore the underlying problem, this symptom will persist.


All in all this is not the time for you to be in an 'us' type environment. I suspect you are unable to work on 'us' (a relationship) because you need to work on 'me' (which is you).

You need to work on the physical and mental/emotional issues you have. As long as you refuse to, or find reasons not to, they will continue to be a pretty big issue.

Now is a good time to set a reasonable goal of one year break from relationships - up too and including the messier 'one night stand hook ups' and work on answering the questions:

Who am I?
What are my needs in life?
What changes do I need to make in myself?

And similar ones as YOU think of them.

I would also suggest therapy to help you figure out where and how much influence depression has in your life.

There are sliding scale and even free mental health programs in the USA. No they are not easy to find. I suggest starting with the public health department in your town and go from there. Programs are different from state to state even county to county.