Having a hard time understanding

[Rutstuck]

I'm really confused about myself I can't figure it out. I've had one serious relationship with a women and have had some great sex with women . I realized that I was getting turned on my gay porn and started watching it more often and later found myself fooling around with men a few times and I enjoyed it. The last sex I had was with a women and it was awesome! The way it happened the places we were fooling around the tub the pool I've never done that before and it was exciting. Before her I had sex with this one girl and I couldn't believe I pulled her and that she was down for sex so we did it and It was very memorable she was very beautiful.

Now the few guys I fooled around with it felt fun and it was exciting I told one of them I wasn't gay and he said that he thinks I am? He didn't know me and he said just because he gave me a blow job that I was gay. He said he wanted to kiss me so bad and I really didnt feel the same way because I just can't see myself kissing a man another guy tried to Kiss me but I stopped him because again I don't like to kiss men I'm not sure why im just not into kissing guys.




Now these were all spread out within the last 4 years and the last time I had sex was with a women who was very big and I guess it was ok I've had some fun sex with chubby women I actually like having sex with chubby women more than very skinny women.

Ok here's why I'm confused when I look at porn I look at gay porn more often than straight porn I feel like straight porn doesn't get me hard as fast as gay porn does and when I cum from straight porn only s little bit cums out. Its turned into gay porn and thoughts turning me on instantly and anything else I'm either limp or semi chub I don't understand this? Because when it comes down to sex with women I get hard so fast and I enjoy it I also feel like some people think I'm gay I don't have any real proof of them thinking this buty friend told me to come out of the closet in s joking manor and that led me to believe he might so sometimes I feel like I might act gay even though I've been told I'm straight acting so I act gay sometimes as in stereo typical gay voice or mannerisms? Haha

Got any advice on this situation maybe you can helpe figure it out? I'd really appreciate it thanks.

I do know that

[Eromir]

Sounds to me like you are mostly straight. Could be wrong of course.
Porn isn't really an indicator. Sometimes i get turned on by things i don't enjoy doing myself and find watching the things i do like very boring.
Sex is one thing, but can you imagine yourself being in a relationship with another man?

[pellaz]

-there are NO "stereo typical gay mannerisms"
-"all spread out within the last 4 years" bi, gay or straight, enjoy who you are today. You might want to be totally clear who you are for that significant one. For example a straight relationship will fail if you down the line, feel you now only like guys. Love the one your with if you bi.
-"I just can't see myself kissing a man another guy" very straight.

[Rutstuck]

I can't see myself being in a relationship with a guy but sometimes in my head I tell myself I'm gay but I'm notorious for believing things that aren't real what I mean is I spend way too much time in my head and so Ive told myself things and believed them and in the end they were just far from the truth. And also I do know that I get more turned on with gay thoughts and gay porn over straight porn so could that alone be a huge indicator that I'm gay? Because it's different when I'm actually having sex with a women plus i want to be with women and do get insecure around them especially if i feel I don't stand a chance with them . I've actually had women who i felt were beautiful flirt with me and I had to step back and realize it and when I did I felt a bit more confident about myself.

[Cunobelin]

You sound straight, maybe curious or confused. I've mentioned on here that I was married to a woman for four years, but we hardly ever had sex and I never wanted to have sex (one of the ways she pieced it together about me), and when we did have sex, in order to "perform" I had to think about men. If you are enjoying sex with a woman (or women), and if you initiate the sex with her (them), then you may want to look hard at that.

Now, this is a personal question: Have you ever been diagnosed with, or have a family history of, Borderline Personality Disorder? One of the hallmarks of BPD is extreme confusion over sexuality. My mother has BPD and when I came out, my straight mom told me she had two female relationships over the years, but hated them, and had a very hard time kissing or even holding hands.

[Pix]

I was reminded of reading this recently:

http://www.utne.com/Mind-Body/21st-Centu...addam.aspx

Men’s interest in women’s bodies is well known, but the next visual cue may come as a surprise. Men are more interested in penises than women are. An eye-tracking study found that, when viewing nonerotic images, men consistently direct their gaze to the male crotch, through women rarely do. In porn, the penis is always under the spotlight. On the adult website Fantasti.cc, the predominantly male users rate more than
1 million images and videos. Out of the 100 top-rated images, 21 feature close-up shots of a penis. And on all of the major adult video sites, “Big Dick” is a popular porn category.

And more specifically from page 3:

http://www.utne.com/Mind-Body/21st-Centu...spx?page=3

Anyway, just throwing that out there.

[pellaz]

being gay or bi; its not the porn. Three are no definite gay mannerisms and a stereo typical gay dosnt exist. Being gay, all you have to be able to love the same sex in a relationship and its difficult to see a successful relationship with out the sex. Kinda in that order.

I wold not try to put a label on it but you need to be confidant. What if you kissed that guy and you liked it...?

[Cunobelin]

being gay or bi; its not the porn. Three are no definite gay mannerisms and a stereo typical gay dosnt exist. Being gay, all you have to be able to love the same sex in a relationship and its difficult to see a successful relationship with out the sex. Kinda in that order.

I wold not try to put a label on it but you need to be confidant. What if you kissed that guy and you liked it...?

So true. The "stereotypical gay man" is one portrayed on TV. We aren't all Jack from Will and Grace. While I'm certainly not a "man's man" I'm not camp either. This certainly is not specific solely to me. Not all lesbians have buzzed haircuts and call everyone "bro". We aren't characters from some play.

[azulai]

It sounds like with those guys telling you that you are gay, it might be wishful thinking on THEIR part!

Maybe relax and try not to pigeon hole yourself. Experiment SAFELY with who you enjoy.

I really think we are all unique in our degree of sexual fluidity. Just be yourself. Where the lever lands is your personal business.

The fact that you don't want to kiss a guy or have a relationship: maybe explore if there are any outside influences there (cultural/religious/family baggage)?

I personally think that rather than using sex/porn as an indicator, it might be better to examine your internal feelings, emotional attachments and inclinations toward forming relationships.

Who do you want to snuggle with on a rainy day? Do you check out guys?

[Rainbowmum]

All you can do is be true to yourself,and feel comfortable in your own skin.
Once you have are comfortable you will also feel confident, and that there, is half the battle won.


We are all here for you, so keep us posted.