Disturbed

[jt139]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the responses. I did have a chance to talk with my boyfriend later that night and I feel a lot better about things now. I realize that one of the reasons I was so upset when he told me about this dream was because we were just getting ready to have sex, and this was a total turn off. His timing really could not have been any worse, but I have to take the guilt for not listening to him and being sensitive to his situation. I think that is one of the things that has been difficult for me throughout this relationship. I know that my boyfriend was raped but I don't like thinking about that and I don't often consider how it affects him or how it impacts our relationship. He had a breakdown talking to me about what he went through and the violation of trust he experienced; he reminded me that "this is my reality", and I guess I have to accept that it is part of my reality, too. I am going to try to be more understanding and supportive in the future.

[StarletHologram]

You know...he just had a nightmare, it´s not like if he has raped his little bro. I understand that you might felt shocked with this confidence, but I think you overreacted and were very rude to him. After all, he trusted you because he appreciates you. This kind of subjects are only shared to very close and beloved people, or at least that´s what I would do. I understand that there´s a precedent that may be seen as a threat, but if he would plan or try to stalk his little brother, he won´t have made the stupid mistake to tell you about it. I think is healthy to express ourselves, it´s like if we release the negative energy. On the other hand, if he was raped when he was a child, he may need some psychological support from a skilled person. I think that you may help him a lot if you talk with him about the topic and let him express what ´s in his mind, maybe go with him to see the specialist. And don´t be afraid, not every victim of rape turns into a rapist, it depends on how they deal with the problem and the sorrow, and how many support and understanding they get from loved ones. Don´t leave him alone!. And of course, if you need someone to talk about it to deal with this, I´m game. Cheer up!, and first of all go and find him, and give him an apology and a big hug.

[mrk2010]

Not to get too deep into dreams or anything because I don't have any idea about them. Maybe in the dreams he sees his little brother as himself because we often think of our younger siblings as helpless etc also his experience in conjunction with the particular age of his brother must be playing havoc with his mind. I can't imagine what he's going through but please offer him support and love. A dream doesn't make a child abuser, maybe he should consider councilling. I hope things get better for you both, try to stay positive and offer him as much support as you can :-)

[Almac]

[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Navy"]You had an understandable reaction to your boyfriend's admission about his brother. But I think there have been some very good posting on this subject and I would certainly listen to their coments...
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[TomStatic]

as long as it was just a dream he had then u did over react abit ha

[pellaz]

I think I slapped him and said "What the hell! That is disgusting. Why would you even say that?" He told me that he didn't know why he had that dream (he described it as a nightmare) and that he would never do anything like that, that he loves his brother, etc. He said he just needed to share this with somebody.

you fail
you should not have slapped him.

do you think he might confide in you more or less in the future, not.

dreams are really the human mind running open loop. he has no control over this. but you had control?

[Inchante]

I think it is disturbing, yes. But it doesn't sound like there is anything in your past experience to indicate that he is a pedophile, right? I don' think this is the case.

I once had a dream that my mother was blown up by a car bomb . . . that does not mean that I want to blow up my mother. I was horrified and disturbed by it. Sometimes dreams are just dreams and you have to leave it at that. If there is nothing to indicate that he would actually want to do such a thing, I think you should give him an apology and a hug.