I came out to my mom

[Macedonian]

So, she thinks its just a phase (I'm 16 years old) because I've never had girlfriend I'm just in love with a str8 girl but we don't do nothing. But I simply know that I am lesbian and I want my mom to believe it (she rejects it as a fact) and told me that she want me to have a boyfriend to see if I am really a lesbian but I know how I feel about girls and I know that I don't like boys. I came up with an idea to watch the movie "The truth about Jane" together so she can see some things about us and maybe change her opinion. Or I schouldn't do it because I don't want to piss her off? (she is pissed off enough)

[pellaz]

you spent your whole life to figure it out. Give your mother some time to think it over. Than get her some reading material.

[Macedonian]

And she told me she does not accept my stile (I like sport stuff, not high heels and somethinf) and that I must go out with high heels and she pressures me hard. I don't know what to do please give me some advices!

[Rainbowmum]

She will come around , give her time.
Oh and conrats for coming out, proud of you.

[Thibideau]

Congrats on coming out first of all.

My advice is this. Change is hard for everyone and when you came out you changed the relationship you had with your Mom. There's going to be a period where you're both going to be trying to find your footing again because you both have to adjust to the new way of thinking. As long as you work at it and encourage healing the relationship, time will bridge the gap and the new normal will be you two coming back together as mother and daughter. Coming out, like coming clean, makes a hell of a mess. It takes some time and effort to get the crap out of the way, and once you do things are rarely the same again but at least they move in the right driection. Look forward, be honest with her, and be patient.

[fenris]

Like the others say: Give her time.... you are on a good way to find you and your Life and that is very important, too.

[Pix]

I'm 29 and I'd have some pretty sarcastic things to say in response to I need to try a guy...but you're 16 so there's even more pressure on you to act mature than there is on me, so I won't share my snarky comments (and being snarky--as tempting and understandable as it would be--isn't going to help you).

Generally speaking, kids find it easier to get along with their parents and get their way on things if they demonstrate a willingness to help around the house, taking an interest in their parents lives, getting good grades and staying out of trouble, stay polite, and possibly even getting some income.

The Truth About Jane looks like a good movie:

http://www.afterellen.com/archive/ellen/...tjane.html

I have no idea what your family dynamics are like and how much like an adult or kid you're treated like so I can't really make suggestions. If she's into making deals then maybe you could deal that you'll date a boy if she watches the movie.

That said...

How fair is it to a boy that you'll date him if you know nothing will come of it?

If she sets you up with a boy through family or friend then your ultimately rejecting the boy can possibly damage your mother's relationship with whomever she arranged to set the boy up with you which can have negative results for both of you as well as getting you both to resent each other.

If you must go this route perhaps it's better if you "cheat" and arrange to date a boy who KNOWS you're a lesbian (and isn't stupid enough to think he can change you) so you can hopefully satisfy your mom (assuming this is possible) while not hurting anyone in the process. Obviously, if you're not friends with any boys who know you're gay then this can be another problem...

Hopefully, while your sexuality is not a phase her denial is. Even fairly open minded parents can take awhile to get used to the idea that their own child is gay, and their not wanting to accept this may even be from a desire to not see you hurt by a world that can be cruel to those who are different (especially one filled with religions that condemn homosexuality).

And I don't know if it helps with the clothes, but if she's confusing orientation with gender roles then maybe you could mention the existence of femmes and lipstick lesbians (either humorously or matter of factly, not sarcastically). But it could be she sees that as a different issue.

Good luck. And don't forget--it gets better. Don't believe anyone who tells you these are the best years of your life.

[Macedonian]

Well the problem is I don't know any gay or lesbian in my town so.. that kinda sucks. My mom told me that is important for me if I hang out with my "friends" (they are not really my friends, they hate homosexuals and everything about it so..) and in the future we will see if I am lesbian or not. I didn't reply anything because I don't want to get into trouble. It is fine for now, if I have another issues I will post here again. Thanks for your advices.

[Jayd]

That's frequent for people to say it's just a phase. Sometimes you just have to be very persistant and tell them that it could be, but most likely isn't! You are who you are. And it's best to accept yourself. After acceptance, you can allow others the oppurtunity of accepting you for who you are!

Congrats on coming out. sorry that you mom just thinks it is a phase that will pass!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ever hear of the stages of grief?
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-s...and-grief/

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

While most people think of only the grief of a person dying, it applies to the 'grief' of most things in life, from losing a job, to divorce, from suffering personal injury to your kid coming out of the closet.

Rejecting the idea is called denial, and she is mixing it with bargaining 'Try a nice fellow, I'm sure you will like guys'.

These stages do not happen in the order in which they appear all the time, and often enough more than one can be happening at the same time. Some people also go back and forth, going from denial to depression to anger to bargaining over and over again.

It is a process that we humans have to deal with new realities and 'bad' stuff or those things we perceive as 'bad'.

Have to remember that for the 16+ years you were around and mom knew you were a girl she was building up this image of what your life would be like.

Things like you going to your school prom dressed in a fancy dress with a really good looking young man giving you a flower to wear - to your walking down the aisle in a white dress in a big cathedral to the waiting arms of a doctor or lawyer or some other 'perfect ideal' of a man who would give you the life she most likely dreamed she got.

Few parents consider the possibility that their kid is gay more than the usual "Well IF they are then I will love them." Inside they know that that ain't gonna happen not to them, because theirs will be the perfect storybook kid who grows up to have all the things they wanted but never had as wrote by the script handed out by society.

Suddenly you are saying that you might not be wearing a dress to a wedding, and it may be to a doctor or a lawyer, but SHE.... Prom may mean you are wearing a tuxedo and by golly what will the neighbors think?

In her mind it may also mean 'no grand-kids' no 'normal life'... She has to come to grips with a lot of things, rewrite that perfect story she has in her head about your life. Its hard to undo 16 years+ of fantasy and dreaming your life for you.