I am in the exact same position that you are in. However, I can honestly and truthfully admit that I am one shallow son of a bitch. I will not date anyone who I am not attracted to.... it's just not going to happen. I can't fake attraction, so tensions will build and come up some time later in the relationship.
Honestly, I don't even know what I want in life anymore. Sometimes, I feel like I want to be in a relationship, and sometimes I feel like I want to just be alone forever. And I NEVER have casual sex or have random hookups with people. It's just now what I do. And as someone mentioned above, DO NOT rush into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. I, too, learned that one the hard way, after dating a guy who was a drug addict, consistently ditched me to do other things, and eventually cheated on me. So, take your time and wait for Mr. Right. That's what I'm doing... and so far, no luck... but I'd rather be alone than be trampled on by some disgusting whore who feigns interest in a relationship just for a quick fuck.
The worst part of it is (not to sound completely conceited....but I will come across as that way anyway), gay guys check me out so often, and I am NEVER attracted to them. It's really sad. And the ones who are attractive don't check me out. So, I either need to lower my standards, or just be ready for a life of quilting alone in an old cottage.
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@Dfiant- Sorry to lose you in all that, I tend to think too far ahead on things that are simple.
But I still must say that, though the "dating game" is/isn't an innuendo for a quick fuck, why must it be considered as such? Perhaps this is me being my naïve old fashioned self but, shouldn't people get to know each other first?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand people are people and have needs/desires and that life is short and that we can't get to know everyone before we sleep with them, but shouldn't there be a way to make it less frivilous and cheap?
I'm not one to judge, or atleast I try not to, but personally, a quick fuck is something that animals do and although we are under the catorgory of Animalia, we are also more than that.
Fuck who you want, as much as you want, for however long as you want, but what does it really achieve? Gratification on a primal level? Sure. But I think the point I'm trying to make (as I'm rambling again) is that, because we are human, we are able to experience more wonderful and fantastic emotions than, just a quick fuck.
I don't want you to think I'm some saint or something, but my post above explains why I think the way I do, and I think that's how more people should think, but individuality is something I obviously promote, so ultimately it's up to them, I just thought that I'd say this on the behalf of young people who think like I do.
Young people don't necessarily find older suitors desperate or gross or anything, but less compatable when it comes to a relationship, as common interests are usually part of a good foundation to a relationship.
A quick fuck is a whole different ball game, and that's up to the person. How one sees how desperate someone else is, is how vain that person is. I admit to some vanity, but that's normal for someone who is still "finding" themselves.
I mean well, so don't take me the wrong way 
It's a Libra thing I've been told :p
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QueenOdi Wrote:But I still must say that, though the "dating game" is/isn't an innuendo for a quick fuck, why must it be considered as such? Perhaps this is me being my naïve old fashioned self but, shouldn't people get to know each other first?
Like I said, it's just the way the world is, no it isn't right, but it is what it is and a majority of 'daters' are nothing more than playa's where people are a commodity and sex is a service.
Of course people SHOULD get to know each other, but fact is, gay or str8, men are mainly after satisfaction NOW without commitment.
It would be nice to find someone who is geniune in their endevours for a relationship, they are out there, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.
As for a previous question you asked, can a 20 year old and 40 year old have anything in common? Sure. My ex was 23, I thought he was 'the one' because we were so alike, but I was blind t the fact that he was a drug addict, alcoholic, liar and a theif until I was one the verge of bankruptcy.
So yes, a 20 and 40 year old can have so many things in common, but unfortunately most 20 and 40 and 60 year olds are in different stages of their life.
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guys seem like they dont know how to converse-few talk these days
all they do is have a device plugged into ears deep in thought, or having music drown out others
what do they miss along the way? maybe life
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QueenOdi Wrote:I can totally relate to you 'Love  . Especially the hit on by older guys thing, but I tried once to persuade one guy to date someone closer his age, cause we totally had nothing in common, but he just replied "I want someone young and fresh" :mad: .
Anyway, I believe that when the time is right, someone will just fly into your life and sweep you off your feet. Even if your not a romantic person  . It makes no sense trying to force it, cause it won't happen. At the risk of sounding totally corny, it'll happen, and "you'll just know".
Goodluck on your quest :biggrin: .
(by the way, woohoo fellow libran :p )
"someone young and fresh"-funny -like fresh meat?
get steve martins movie "the lonely guy"
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Where'sTheLove, I think the only way you'll find someone you are attracted to is by actually meeting them and seeing if you are really compatible with them in real life... No amount of Internet dating will replace that skin to skin experience. I wonder if you detest this means of procuring a love interest to the extent that all encounters that come that way will be automatic disasters? I sense that you disapprove of this means of meeting a person and yet you are left with little other choice since you don't go out.
What I advise, more often than not, is getting out there, not for the dating, but just for the socializing: joining a sports group,or a dance group, or a drama group, or a cooking or painting or hiking group (anything that you enjoy doing or would love to learn to do) and in the end you'll meet someone suitable who is into some of the same things that you enjoy. If you have some regular friends, male or female, you might ask one of them to join you on the venture. It makes it easier to socialise in a bigger group.
I have met a lot of people through dancing, singing and drama, which goes to show that it's possible without necessarily being looking for love. It's a very different thing from going to the meat markets that some gay sites seem to be.
Take care.
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dfiant Wrote:Like I said, it's just the way the world is, no it isn't right, but it is what it is and a majority of 'daters' are nothing more than playa's where people are a commodity and sex is a service.
Of course people SHOULD get to know each other, but fact is, gay or str8, men are mainly after satisfaction NOW without commitment.
It would be nice to find someone who is geniune in their endevours for a relationship, they are out there, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.
As for a previous question you asked, can a 20 year old and 40 year old have anything in common? Sure. My ex was 23, I thought he was 'the one' because we were so alike, but I was blind t the fact that he was a drug addict, alcoholic, liar and a theif until I was one the verge of bankruptcy.
So yes, a 20 and 40 year old can have so many things in common, but unfortunately most 20 and 40 and 60 year olds are in different stages of their life.
I pretty much agree with what you've said here. I guess my standards are too puritanical. Anyone of any age can relate, but like you said, people of different ages are at different stages in their lives and I think I was trying to say this? (I got so wrapped up in my "thesis" lol). Just more jumbled up :redface: .
@ Holland, well that's not exactly what he said, but that's basically what he meant. Wasn't funny at the time, cause he was coming off pretty aggressive, but looking back, I can laugh about it now . I will have to look for that movie  .
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No I can't say I ever had that happen to me.
But then I didn't go looking for love in all the wrong places.
If you do not want to be a piece of meat, don't put yourself out on the butcher's table.
There are a few - a very few, real gay dating websites. If you go to one and you see a lot of 'ME: Built, bottom/top, ISO well hung.....' then you are on the wrong site.
Gridnr ain't the way to go.
In fact the reality may be that using the internet to network and meet new people thus potential prey, erm, I mean partner, ain't going to work. You need to put yourself out there in other areas.
Got a hobby? Then find a real life meeting group - not an internet group, a group that meets in the flesh in a real live meeting place. Don't go there looking to date, go there to explore your hobby or interest, and meet people, make friends - yes even with the straights - many straights just happen to know a gay person and are often more than willing to set you up on a "date".
Staying at home and surfing the internet is not doing it for you, so stop trying that method and use other methods and routes, like the good old fashion face to face networking we did for thousands of years before texting became so popular.
As for 'attractive' - are you sure there is an attractivness quota here or are you out there looking for your ideal man?
Let me put this another way, I am not with the man of my dreams. The men of my dreams tend to be walking nightmares :o. I'm not saying the man I'm with is unattractive, what I am saying is he doesn't measure up to that old ruler I carried with me when it came to the 'ideal partner'. If anything he is a near complete opposite in every aspect that I had previously set for 'Mr. Right' in body type, height, hair coloring etc.
If you are having problems with finding the same man (i.e. same kind of personality conflicts) in relationship after relationship, it is most likely you picking these winners out of the barrel.
A lot of the physical characteristics we set on 'our type' is more than just body looks - its how that body is carried, mannerisms and other barely perceived things that the personality beneath moves that body with.
So you might want to assess what it is about those guys you find so attractive - really think about it.
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But I still must say that, though the "dating game" is/isn't an innuendo for a quick fuck, why must it be considered as such? Perhaps this is me being my naïve old fashioned self but, shouldn't people get to know each other first?
Depends entirely on the person. Alot of straight people think that two women or two men together is something they need to comment on as though it is something they need to control and regulate on some level...using alot of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". Some of them are "old fashioned" as well and use this excuse to discriminate and assume THEY know what is best for other consenting adults.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand people are people and have needs/desires and that life is short and that we can't get to know everyone before we sleep with them, but shouldn't there be a way to make it less frivolous and cheap?
I think people in relationships lying to themselves and each other is cheap. I think people worrying about their appearance is frivolous. Sometimes I DO judge them....
I'm not one to judge, or atleast I try not to, but personally, a quick fuck is something that animals do and although we are under the catorgory of Animalia, we are also more than that.
Animals dont' fuck each other over for $$$$...nor do they kill for fun/pleasure. Nor do they lie to themselves or each other. I think animals have ALOT to teach us.
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This is a subject that rings pretty true for me. I have the same problem - many, if not most, of the men attracted to me, I tend not to be attracted back to. It sucks, to be sure, but apparently it's not uncommon for many to happen to. And it doesn't just happen online - I've made a new friend recently during the monthly gay mixer socials here in town, and you can tell he's interested in me (one of my other friends even commented to me about this), but I have zero interested in the guy. He's nice and I'm cool with being friends, but relationship/dating? No thanks. I seemed to be doomed with this stuff.
But I'm going to keep trying, and like someone said above, keep loving and love will find you. You just have to be open to it and not resist. If I didn't believe in that I'd just give up, but luckily I do.
Take care and good luck!
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