I love myself because I am a person with a big heart. I love the fact that no matter what someone's situation is, i will go to great lengths to help them. I also love that i'm a funny person, as one of the things I live for is making people laugh and seeing to it that they are happy. And I'm quite a comedian at times. I also love my nerdiness, and I'm highly proud of it. I've always been nerdy, but I see it as intellectual. And I love also that I'm silly. What makes me unique? Well, I'm musically inclined. I can sing very well and I also write and compose music. I'll share my music one day, but my true passion is becoming a private eye. I love crime novels and detective fiction, as well as crime shows. They are just interesting. I also love Doctor Who with a burning passion, I'm a sports nut, I do archery, I fence, etc.
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I'm proud to be a nice guy with a kind heart. I enjoy being a friendly guy and have zero problem to talk to strangers.
I enjoy making everyone smile and treat everyone equally. I enjoy cooking for my parents, my colleagues and friends. I enjoy buying snacks and meals for the security guards and janitors where I work.
I enjoy my humor side. I get more wacky when I team up my craziness with my good friend, Vincent and few others. We can laugh endlessly.
On last Valentine's Day, all of my friends expected me to have few Valentines but I got none. "My stock value plummeted down." I joked.
To add the wackiness, I carried a sign that prints, "Be My Valentine. Free of Charge!" during lunch time with my colleagues. Again, nada. I have no shame. 
I love my work ethic.
I love my stubbornness and strong will. I don't like to give up.
Despite my flaws and imperfection, I love being me.
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This is actually a really hard question for me to answer, not because it is awkward or I want to keep a secret, but it just feel like the answer is impossible for me to come to...absolutely.
As a teenager I was alienated becuase of my sexuality, I was ostracised, bullied and abused to the point I almost commit suicide, BUT i don't remember feeling depressed. I was happy with my very small social circle, I just didn't accept that I was treated so badly.
In my late teens and early twenties I had a lot of trouble finding work mostly because I was isolated through my teens and had bad social skills, I was painfully shy, but if someone took the time I would come out of my shell.
I don't exactly put this down to esteem or confidence issues, I put it down to trust issues, I simply had not learned how to deal with people that I did not trust.
To this day I do not trust, not easily anyway. I'm suspiscious of peoples motivations, but I have learned to deal with it in a way that I can socialise and eventually begin to trust.
I am also seen as a cold person because I can switch my emotions on and off. I don't care for my biological father, he didn't connect with my brother or I as a father should with his sons. He literally drank and gambled the house away before my brother and I were teenagers. I watched my mother struggle with 3 jobs to pay the mortgage and bills while trying to be a mother and a father to myself and my then deliquent brother.
I hadn't spoken to my father since 1989. At that time he lived anout 10kms away, he made no attempts to visit and he was never discouraged from visiting when my parents divorced in 1983. In 1989 on my 21st birthday I got a card from him, it was a birthday card you would give to a girl on their 21st, FFS the card had pictures of dolls on it. I was offended and angry and asked him to leave and come back when he actually finds a slither in the corner of his heart tha actually cares.
1996, 2 days before I was due to fly out and live in Japan for 1 year was the next time I saw my father. Here was me thinking he had somehow heard that I was going over seas and was coming to wish me well...NO...he was coming to ask me to look after him after he had surgery to remove a kidney that was cancerous. I flew out 2 days later and have not spoken to my father in 16 years. He is still alive as far as I know, but I feel zero connection, let alone any compassion for the man, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He knows where I live now but he has never made any attempt to contact either my mother, brother or myself.
I'm seen as cold because I cut off from him. I see myself as a person who doesn't tolerate shit and believes that blood is not always thicker than water.
I wish people could see the compassionate side of me more, but the things is I don't let people see that side of me too often. The people closest to me still don't know that in 2004 I drove from the Gold Coast to Gosford, a 9 hour drive, heading out at 11pm at night because a young fellow who was 15 at the time was thrown out of home and was living in a halfway house where he was the youngest person and was being abused. He turned 21 last September, we are still in touch, and we are still very very connected, I'm proud of him....ALL people know about that trip is it was a 1 week holiday, you are the only people to know it wasn't a holiday.
Do I love who I am? No, love isn't my strong point.
Am I proud of who I am? Definately. I have done things I am not proud of, but to err is human. How I have got to where I am now I am proud of.
Is there anything I don't like about myself? No, I am who I am. Dealt with a different set of cards things might be different, but those people that treated me like shit in my early years have tought me one valuable lesson, life without scumbags is easy and it is easy to have a life without scumbags when you surround yourself with people you care for, and people that care for you.
Life is not a game, it's a series of challenges....tests....lessons that ultimately shape your mind to what it is today, and todays challenges shape your mind for tomorrow. Giving up is not an option because the next challenge may just be the one that rewards you handsomly for the rest of your life.
If you don't like anything I have said, I don't care  lol
or maybe I do
Nah I don't
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I wouldn't say I loved anything about myself, but I suppose in spite of going through alot over my 19-almost 20 years from severe bullying, to being overweight, to failing in school...
I like the fact that I've managed to prove everyone wrong who felt the need to say I was a constant failure and wouldn't go anywhere in life - these being both family and "friends" as I'm on the verge of being the only one in my family to ever go to University and study for a degree despite my low-school grades. I like how I managed to better my self by going to college and being able to stick it to them so to speak.
I like.. how I've found the two things I'm partially good at - Photography, Digital Art/Design, which I can make a living off, and is something I love doing.
I like being short, "baby-faced" despite being ID'd all the time, because I can get away with wearing clothes people my age wouldn't typically be able to get away with as some would look silly in them - perhaps a silly thing, but to me, because I'm still a big kid I love it.
I like rebelling, short and sweet, I like to go against what people try to tell me to do or suggest I do, and do my own thing, mostly resulting in them apologizing and seeing why I've done such things etc..
hmm without sounded big-headed, I like how generous, kind, caring and sweet I am, regardless of who it is - friend or foe. It's quite funny to see the look on your foe/rivals face when you're terribly kind to them despite them being horrible to you.
I like how I now have a little tiny bit of confidence to do and be who I want, though at times.. I still shy away from being myself :redface:
Can't think of much more just now, but will maybe add some later if I think of any
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dfiant Wrote:This is actually a really hard question for me to answer, not because it is awkward or I want to keep a secret, but it just feel like the answer is impossible for me to come to...absolutely.
As a teenager I was alienated becuase of my sexuality, I was ostracised, bullied and abused to the point I almost commit suicide, BUT i don't remember feeling depressed. I was happy with my very small social circle, I just didn't accept that I was treated so badly.
In my late teens and early twenties I had a lot of trouble finding work mostly because I was isolated through my teens and had bad social skills, I was painfully shy, but if someone took the time I would come out of my shell.
I don't exactly put this down to esteem or confidence issues, I put it down to trust issues, I simply had not learned how to deal with people that I did not trust.
To this day I do not trust, not easily anyway. I'm suspiscious of peoples motivations, but I have learned to deal with it in a way that I can socialise and eventually begin to trust.
I am also seen as a cold person because I can switch my emotions on and off. I don't care for my biological father, he didn't connect with my brother or I as a father should with his sons. He literally drank and gambled the house away before my brother and I were teenagers. I watched my mother struggle with 3 jobs to pay the mortgage and bills while trying to be a mother and a father to myself and my then deliquent brother.
I hadn't spoken to my father since 1989. At that time he lived anout 10kms away, he made no attempts to visit and he was never discouraged from visiting when my parents divorced in 1983. In 1989 on my 21st birthday I got a card from him, it was a birthday card you would give to a girl on their 21st, FFS the card had pictures of dolls on it. I was offended and angry and asked him to leave and come back when he actually finds a slither in the corner of his heart tha actually cares.
1996, 2 days before I was due to fly out and live in Japan for 1 year was the next time I saw my father. Here was me thinking he had somehow heard that I was going over seas and was coming to wish me well...NO...he was coming to ask me to look after him after he had surgery to remove a kidney that was cancerous. I flew out 2 days later and have not spoken to my father in 16 years. He is still alive as far as I know, but I feel zero connection, let alone any compassion for the man, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He knows where I live now but he has never made any attempt to contact either my mother, brother or myself.
I'm seen as cold because I cut off from him. I see myself as a person who doesn't tolerate shit and believes that blood is not always thicker than water.
I wish people could see the compassionate side of me more, but the things is I don't let people see that side of me too often. The people closest to me still don't know that in 2004 I drove from the Gold Coast to Gosford, a 9 hour drive, heading out at 11pm at night because a young fellow who was 15 at the time was thrown out of home and was living in a halfway house where he was the youngest person and was being abused. He turned 21 last September, we are still in touch, and we are still very very connected, I'm proud of him....ALL people know about that trip is it was a 1 week holiday, you are the only people to know it wasn't a holiday.
Do I love who I am? No, love isn't my strong point.
Am I proud of who I am? Definately. I have done things I am not proud of, but to err is human. How I have got to where I am now I am proud of.
Is there anything I don't like about myself? No, I am who I am. Dealt with a different set of cards things might be different, but those people that treated me like shit in my early years have tought me one valuable lesson, life without scumbags is easy and it is easy to have a life without scumbags when you surround yourself with people you care for, and people that care for you.
Life is not a game, it's a series of challenges....tests....lessons that ultimately shape your mind to what it is today, and todays challenges shape your mind for tomorrow. Giving up is not an option because the next challenge may just be the one that rewards you handsomly for the rest of your life.
If you don't like anything I have said, I don't care lol
or maybe I do
Nah I don't
I love what you wrote Daz....I have alot of similar thoughts and maybe 10-15 years ago I would have probably written close to what you wrote
I especially like this:
Giving up is not an option because the next challenge may just be the one that rewards you handsomly for the rest of your life.
and this:
I'm seen as cold because I cut off from him. I see myself as a person who doesn't tolerate shit and believes that blood is not always thicker than water.
I cut both of my parents off completely...it took me along time to realize it but today it is one of the reasons I love myself but at one time I had to deal with the guilt and people thinking I was a monster for doing what I did...too bad they never gave a damn to do something to help me when I was little when I couldnt' help myself and had no choices. I hope you can get there as well. Just the action itself tells me that you love yourself enough to do that. It is a brave thing to do.
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East Wrote:I love what you wrote Daz....I have alot of similar thoughts and maybe 10-15 years ago I would have probably written close to what you wrote
I especially like this:
Giving up is not an option because the next challenge may just be the one that rewards you handsomly for the rest of your life.
and this:
I'm seen as cold because I cut off from him. I see myself as a person who doesn't tolerate shit and believes that blood is not always thicker than water.
I cut both of my parents off completely...it took me along time to realize it but today it is one of the reasons I love myself but at one time I had to deal with the guilt and people thinking I was a monster for doing what I did...too bad they never gave a damn to do something to help me when I was little when I couldnt' help myself and had no choices. I hope you can get there as well. Just the action itself tells me that you love yourself enough to do that. It is a brave thing to do.
I have my baby brother, my mother and a plethora of cousins on both sides as well as one true friend who all have my heart and I would kill for...IF ONLY i had that killer instinct
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It also heartens me to read what you wrote as you are one of the people I admire in GaySpeak. So glad you came back too 
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Thanks Daz...I feel the same way about you.
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dfiant Wrote:This is actually a really hard question for me to answer, not because it is awkward or I want to keep a secret, but it just feel like the answer is impossible for me to come to...absolutely.
As a teenager I was alienated becuase of my sexuality, I was ostracised, bullied and abused to the point I almost commit suicide, BUT i don't remember feeling depressed. I was happy with my very small social circle, I just didn't accept that I was treated so badly.
In my late teens and early twenties I had a lot of trouble finding work mostly because I was isolated through my teens and had bad social skills, I was painfully shy, but if someone took the time I would come out of my shell.
I don't exactly put this down to esteem or confidence issues, I put it down to trust issues, I simply had not learned how to deal with people that I did not trust.
To this day I do not trust, not easily anyway. I'm suspiscious of peoples motivations, but I have learned to deal with it in a way that I can socialise and eventually begin to trust.
I am also seen as a cold person because I can switch my emotions on and off. I don't care for my biological father, he didn't connect with my brother or I as a father should with his sons. He literally drank and gambled the house away before my brother and I were teenagers. I watched my mother struggle with 3 jobs to pay the mortgage and bills while trying to be a mother and a father to myself and my then deliquent brother.
I hadn't spoken to my father since 1989. At that time he lived anout 10kms away, he made no attempts to visit and he was never discouraged from visiting when my parents divorced in 1983. In 1989 on my 21st birthday I got a card from him, it was a birthday card you would give to a girl on their 21st, FFS the card had pictures of dolls on it. I was offended and angry and asked him to leave and come back when he actually finds a slither in the corner of his heart tha actually cares.
1996, 2 days before I was due to fly out and live in Japan for 1 year was the next time I saw my father. Here was me thinking he had somehow heard that I was going over seas and was coming to wish me well...NO...he was coming to ask me to look after him after he had surgery to remove a kidney that was cancerous. I flew out 2 days later and have not spoken to my father in 16 years. He is still alive as far as I know, but I feel zero connection, let alone any compassion for the man, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He knows where I live now but he has never made any attempt to contact either my mother, brother or myself.
I'm seen as cold because I cut off from him. I see myself as a person who doesn't tolerate shit and believes that blood is not always thicker than water.
I wish people could see the compassionate side of me more, but the things is I don't let people see that side of me too often. The people closest to me still don't know that in 2004 I drove from the Gold Coast to Gosford, a 9 hour drive, heading out at 11pm at night because a young fellow who was 15 at the time was thrown out of home and was living in a halfway house where he was the youngest person and was being abused. He turned 21 last September, we are still in touch, and we are still very very connected, I'm proud of him....ALL people know about that trip is it was a 1 week holiday, you are the only people to know it wasn't a holiday.
Do I love who I am? No, love isn't my strong point.
Am I proud of who I am? Definately. I have done things I am not proud of, but to err is human. How I have got to where I am now I am proud of.
Is there anything I don't like about myself? No, I am who I am. Dealt with a different set of cards things might be different, but those people that treated me like shit in my early years have tought me one valuable lesson, life without scumbags is easy and it is easy to have a life without scumbags when you surround yourself with people you care for, and people that care for you.
Life is not a game, it's a series of challenges....tests....lessons that ultimately shape your mind to what it is today, and todays challenges shape your mind for tomorrow. Giving up is not an option because the next challenge may just be the one that rewards you handsomly for the rest of your life.
If you don't like anything I have said, I don't care lol
or maybe I do
Nah I don't
Can I tell everyone another compassionate thing that you did?
I had a massive surgery on last December. Daz 'accompanied' me day and night via text messages when I was in the hospital bed. Mind you, I live in Malaysia and he lives in Australia. That really speaks how caring and a good friend Daz is.
I wasn't in pain but I was restless because I wasn't allowed to move. My back was aching because I stayed on bed for too long. My butt was kind of numb due to the same reason. So to have Daz around helps to comfort the discomfort that I had.
I know this may seem nothing to some people but I truly appreciate what Daz did.
I certified Daz as a very nice and caring guy. So to who ever ends up being with Daz as his partner/boyfriend, he sure is a lucky guy.
P.S: I would also like to say thanks to East for sending me a card and Rainbowmum for sending me text messages. Many thanks!
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I guess I should have come yesteday. Yesterday was a great day. Today there is nothing positive or lovable about me. One completely innocent text from my partner and I feel like throwing myself from the bridge. I hate how weak I apparently am. I thought the depressive days were over. I really need to find some distraction, the only bridge around is above the highway. Just kidding, Bowyn Aerrow has taught me a lesson. I just feel sick from panic and saddness. *sigh*
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