Complete Life Make Over

[mrk2010]

Hey Guys,

I need some advice well more like guidance as I'm planning on having a total life make over, improving myself and getting rid of the negative things in my life. Short story short I have never been that confident a person since I was really young, I was the shy one and didn't want to ever talk to anyone and I feel this has affected me later in life with confidence and stuff. Also in terms of how I look I would say that Im not particularly good looking, some people have said I'm good looking but I don't see it at all, I dunno I just see me. Well when I was younger maybe 16 I was quite overweight I weighed about 20 stone which is about 289lbs even though I'm a big lad and quite tall this is quite overweight, I lost the weight and got down to about 16 stone and started doing martial arts, my weight since then has never shifted and I'm, perfectly healthy and do loads of exercise etc. As of late I'm not happy with the way I look I pick every little detail out about myself and I want to change it, my teeth, my hair, my body etc. Just when you see guys out on the gay scene they are stunning and then there's me not good looking at all. I know it's bad truth be told I want to be plastic, I want the perfect body, hair and teeth and then maybe I'll be able to attract more decent looking guys. I'm even starting a £250 course of teeth whitening tomorrow to achieve this. In terms of my weight the doctor has even said that for y body type I'm ok, but I want better.

Well that's the body issues over now to the more personal stuff. I recently had a rant on gayspeak about men which was totally stupid but due to a recentish bad experience I kind of have a fear, well I just don't like men and they make me angry. I'm just having this whole wobbler lately that I don't like men and the way I see them. It's kind of I hate them but feel lonely at the same time it's kind of like a destructive cycle. If I don't talk to a man I'll be lonely but only by talking to a guy in a bar or something I'll actually meet someone. I'm just up and down lately, (not in a depression sense) but kind of intense mood swings where I wind my self up really badly. My main thing is lately jealousy I get furiously jealous over other gay guys having relationships. It's weird, I think why can't I have that? I just think its making me an angry person hence my recent gayspeak rant which I apologise for. That's the reason why I want this life make over, start afresh and get rid of all this negative energy and remove people from my life who bring out this negativity

I'm sorry if this post isn't as eloquent as usual but I have a lot to say and it's all a bit over the place, I'm staying positive though. I dunno the main thing I want to ask is have any of you had this situation and had a total life make over?

Cheers,

Mrk2010 x

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So are you looking for the name for a good plastic surgeon, or are you looking for advice on which steroids to use while working out for the most gains?

What you need is not bleached teeth, and better hair and a tougher workout program and diet, what you need is a therapist.

Why can't you have a relationship with another person? Gee I wonder, maybe because you are so obsessed with 'me' that you are failing to see them?

Not to toot my own horn, but I was (and still am) one of those beautiful people.

If you are a half decent person who wants a real relationship, you ain't going to find that with the plastic people. If you are too perfectly good looking you will be beating off the perverts and most people who are too pretty end up becoming as shallow and perverted as the ones they are beating off them.

Fortunately for me my parents reminded me often as I child that I was a worthless piece of shit, I grew up to believe I was ugly, horrible, nasty.... Thus I never got the whole "I'm good looking, worship me" attitude that most of the beautiful people get.

Three years ago my partner made the mistake of posting a picture of me cleaning the swimming pool. I was wearing just a pair of swim shorts, sunglasses and a smile. He had about a zillion 'friends' since he plays the Facebook games. My picture became very popular very quickly and was commented with a lot of 'flattering' comments - suggestive ones, with ones telling my partner they can't believe that someone like him was able to catch me (inferring he is ugly or something) to one bodily asking to have a one night stand with me. One wanted nudes, this was followed by a dozen or so requests to get nude pics too...

This is what good looks gets you, perverts, sickos, people who do not care that you are in a long term relationship, or care that you may be emotionally attached. People who want to treat you like an object - a sex object, and have nude pics of so they can jack off to your image.

I forbid any image of be being posted on the internet. I forbid family and friends from taking pictures of me. It is self defense, after all I do not want my image being plastered everywhere and people doing things I don't want to think about.

Are you certain you want that?

Finding a decent person for a relationship when you have so many shallow people wanting to add you to their trophy case becomes extremely difficult. Even having mere friendships becomes a chore as you discover that many will befriend you in hopes that if they get close enough they will bed you.

You are never certain if people are sincerely interested in you or your body.

You will go out to dinner with your spouse and your in laws and the waiter will fall all over himself to serve you and pretend you are the only person at the table. All because he can't help fantasizing about getting you to himself.

At bars you will have strangers walk up to you, and run their hands over your body and make suggestive comments - all the time. Sure lots of free drinks are offered, but those are offered because they are trying to get your liquored up so they can drag you off to their cave and have their way with you.

And yes you will be able to surround yourself with the beautiful people, those who know they are beautiful and use it as a weapon - they are as shallow and perverted as all the others who want to fuck you as a trophy.

The 'normal' people won't take you seriously, they will think that your silence from some pain is your being haughty and snooty lording it over them that you are a beautiful person, so few normal people will want anything to do with you. They actually won't care if you are hurting, and they will think you have all the luck in the world and won't mind if you did just drop dead.

So even your chances with the normal people drops severely least ways for normal, healthy relationships, friendships, etc.

Chances are that since you are so into this 'good image' thing that once you attain that goal you will be as shallow and spiteful and mean as the sicko-perverts who are into body image and wanting to bag the next beautiful person.

So none of the above will bother you, you most likely will get your jollies knowing that your photos are the objects that strangers are jerking off too. You probably will get off on being the object of desire to so many, and most likely will enjoy being worshiped and having endless monotonous sex with an endless stream of people that that whole relationship thing will be the last thing on your mind, until you are getting old, wrinkled, grey then suddenly you find yourself expending a great deal of time chasing after pretty 20-something year olds that you find yourself being that creepy old man who fondles and caresses young flesh and makes suggestive comments and offers a house and a car and a lifestyle to them (if you can afford it) in order to relive your glory years and maintain the illusion that you 'still got it'.

But hey, this is your life choice.

[matty7]

not that a big hug will help but never seen u expose youyrself like this before , there's nothing wrong with goin with the full make over as u see on a million tv shows where they make u look younger or make u loose weight - if it helps the individual then im not judging at all - u can do the simple things first that cost less !! see a hair stylist , ask what new cut would suit your features , as for the gym ! got to one and ask for a programm for what u want but it does take dedication - a gym instructor will tell u what is practical and achievable for your size, he shouldnt give u fake goals - only reachable ones .. thats your body sorted ... i feel u have deep seated issues from been a child so why not a therapist - your mind needs training just like a body - there's no difference to a good doctor

[mrk2010]

I meant a whole life makeover not just looks, just getting rid of stress and removing negative things from my life. I wasn't expecting a load of sarcasm from members. You know what I'm just going to delete my account because I'm not getting anything out of Gayspeak anymore and instead of advice theres only sarcasm.

[Neev0]

I'm in the same boat as you. When I was younger I was very shy and had a poor self image. Which has stayed with me till this day. In my last relationship I felt lucky that someone that looked like them would be my friend, let alone be in a relationship with me. Now I'm single, and get jealous when I see people together happy. I want what they have. Like what was said previously, you should go talk with a good therapist. I started a few weeks ago and it has really helped me realize some things, and have more hope for the future.

[mrk2010]

I'm in the same boat as you. When I was younger I was very shy and had a poor self image. Which has stayed with me till this day. In my last relationship I felt lucky that someone that looked like them would be my friend, let alone be in a relationship with me. Now I'm single, and get jealous when I see people together happy. I want what they have. Like what was said previously, you should go talk with a good therapist. I started a few weeks ago and it has really helped me realize some things, and have more hope for the future.

I wouldn't say I need a therapist, (not that far extreme), I just need confidence, I'm a perfectionist by nature in everything I do and looking good and improving myself is next thing on the list from my degree and masters course.

[matty7]

sorry for my post then ,,, didnt think i was been sarcastic

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie the one thing that is essential to a life makeover is self esteem.
You know what you are capable of , you have already proven that you can change whatever you want.
Be proud of that, use that tool with confidence , and you will always be able to turn the tables.

Change is a good thing and is needed for growth, as well as adaptation.

Hugs sweetie.

[mrk2010]

sorry for my post then ,,, didnt think i was been sarcastic

I didn't mean you matty, it was the other one.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I meant a whole life makeover not just looks, just getting rid of stress and removing negative things from my life. I wasn't expecting a load of sarcasm from members. You know what I'm just going to delete my account because I'm not getting anything out of Gayspeak anymore and instead of advice theres only sarcasm.

You didn't say anything about stress in your first post, you focused on looks. Their looks your looks, good looks - Teeth Bleaching, body image, hair - nothing about stress, nothing about emotional issues - you came off sounding shallow and sounding like you think a new body will somehow buy you a new life.

You said: I'll be able to attract more decent looking guys.

And I wasn't being sarcastic, I was being brutally honest with you.

Looks - image, looks - your focus, not mine.

If you want to go in depth about the stressors of your life, the emotional complications then bring it on and I will play nice. You want to be shallow and ugly then bring it on, I will be brutal and mean and point out all the ugliness of being shallow.

Again, nothing I said was sarcastic - brutal yes, but upfront 100% honest with you. I actually do care where it appears you are heading, thus my 'mean' stance.

If I didn't care I would have passed it off or not even bother to post anything.