Complete Life Make Over

[Zet]

Wisdom is everywhere, wisdom is anything, wisdom is infinite...

But my suggestion is don't change to quick, and to much. I did in my teens, from being a geek to be a gangster, literally... All it did to me was leaving me as a rotten wreckage, All happened to quick, Who was I? After playing all the games, constantly changing identity I lost my self, my inner self. I still ask my self is this really me, or do I just act cool or whatever just to earn respect or something else?

YOU can never skip into the next chapter until you are finished with the last

[mrk2010]

You didn't say anything about stress in your first post, you focused on looks. Their looks your looks, good looks - Teeth Bleaching, body image, hair - nothing about stress, nothing about emotional issues - you came off sounding shallow and sounding like you think a new body will somehow buy you a new life.

You said: I'll be able to attract more decent looking guys.

And I wasn't being sarcastic, I was being brutally honest with you.

Looks - image, looks - your focus, not mine.

If you want to go in depth about the stressors of your life, the emotional complications then bring it on and I will play nice. You want to be shallow and ugly then bring it on, I will be brutal and mean and point out all the ugliness of being shallow.

Again, nothing I said was sarcastic - brutal yes, but upfront 100% honest with you. I actually do care where it appears you are heading, thus my 'mean' stance.

If I didn't care I would have passed it off or not even bother to post anything.

I did say in my original post that I wanted to remove the negative things, I want to be more confident in myself, less of a worrier and be able to balance my life better with regard to my education as I feel I dont have a good work balance and I'm riddicioulously over worked. The only thing I objected to in your post was that you made me sound like some shallow idiot, christ if I was a shallow idiot I'd be working in a tanning salon (well i say working looking at myself in the mirror all day) and not trying to get a PhD in microbiology. I only want that bit extra oomph to give me a bit more confidence in looking a bit better, not looking for plastic surgery. Basically I want to get negative things out of my life, people who put me down and people who are a negative influence on me, I may not have worded it the best way; but whilst doing that I want to improve myself to give me that confidence. But I am unsure how to go about this. I'm sorry if I habe offended you in any way.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

No offended people on my end.

[Jay]

Hey Guys,
I need some advice well more like guidance as I'm planning on having a total life make over, improving myself and getting rid of the negative things in my life. Short story short I have never been that confident a person since I was really young, I was the shy one and didn't want to ever talk to anyone and I feel this has affected me later in life with confidence and stuff. Also in terms of how I look I would say that Im not particularly good looking, some people have said I'm good looking but I don't see it at all, I dunno I just see me. Well when I was younger maybe 16 I was quite overweight I weighed about 20 stone which is about 289lbs even though I'm a big lad and quite tall this is quite overweight, I lost the weight and got down to about 16 stone and started doing martial arts, my weight since then has never shifted and I'm, perfectly healthy and do loads of exercise etc.

First of all let me congratulate you for your success in weight loss. Weight loss is not an easy task but you've made it. So congrats and give yourself a huge pat on the back.

Mrk2010, so some people say you are good looking? Please take their words and accept that you are good looking with pride. Other people usually can see things that ourselves can't see. Always do remember that we are usually the worst critics to ourselves.

As of late I'm not happy with the way I look I pick every little detail out about myself and I want to change it, my teeth, my hair, my body etc. Just when you see guys out on the gay scene they are stunning and then there's me not good looking at all. I know it's bad truth be told I want to be plastic, I want the perfect body, hair and teeth and then maybe I'll be able to attract more decent looking guys. I'm even starting a £250 course of teeth whitening tomorrow to achieve this. In terms of my weight the doctor has even said that for y body type I'm ok, but I want better.

I think a makeover like self grooming, changing hairstyle, wearing contact lens and changing your fashion style is fine. That's normal. But to be frank, even all these can't help you if you are lack with self esteem.

A true life make over actually comes from within you. What you are inside will shape who you are outside. What's the point of looking perfect from head to toe if you are cluttered inside?

My office is located right in the middle of gay spot. I see countless of gorgeous gay guys every single day. Perfect height, flawless skin, sharp fashion sense, slender waist etc. All of them are beautiful but y'know, the more I see them every day, the more bland and plain they become.

The main problem that I see with most of these guys is that they lack with identity and individuality because all of them 'look' the same. Everyone's chasing to look perfect and they do their best to hide the smallest imperfection that they have. That's a pity because your imperfection is essential to make you different and special from the rest.

Another thing. Most of these guys worry a lot with their appearances to look perfectly stunning everyday. You don't think there's nothing wrong with their self esteem over there? They are being driven and pressured by their surroundings and people around them.

If you think giving your appearance a makeover is what you need, go for it. Groom all you can with your appearance but don't forget to groom your self esteem and confidence too. Without self esteem and confidence, you are still the same guy before you've had your makeover.

Always remember that nobody is perfect. Perfectionism can paralyze your life and you for a long term. Realize your limits. Exploit your strengths and be proud with your strengths. Conquer your self esteem and you will defeat all you weaknesses.

If you need to talk in private, I'm all ears. mile:

[Nick9]

I meant a whole life makeover not just looks, just getting rid of stress and removing negative things from my life. I wasn't expecting a load of sarcasm from members. You know what I'm just going to delete my account because I'm not getting anything out of Gayspeak anymore and instead of advice theres only sarcasm.

Oh, please don't leave. I am sure B.A. actually really cares about you. Otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to answer you. Maybe he even shared part of his life with you, because he is afraid that you may experience the same and he wouldn't want that for you. So, don't feel hurt.

It's hard to express in English what I want to say, but I try.
You need to "turn on the light" inside you. To have the thing that makes other people say: There is SOMETHING about this guy. You don't need them to say: Oh, he is beautiful...
Try to walk with your head up, don't look down. Try to smile more, not just because you want to attract attention of a guy in a bar. Smile even when you are saying goodbye to and old lady in a shop. It will "charge" you with positive energy. The good feeling you start giving to others WILL COME BACK to you.

Because honestly, nobody wants to hang around jealous, sour people.

I was surprised the other day. A shopkeeper who saw me for like five minutes, told me that negative energy was pouring from me in waves. Yeah, I had been sad for months. I just didn't realize how much it showed. It came in sharp contrast with another short talk in different shop years ago. An old lady - stranger to me - came to me in that shop and told me, how good she felt because of my good mood. I was alone in the shop, I didn't talked to anyone and she noticed anyway.
People do notice and if you want them to care, you need to let that "light" on, even when you think that nobody is looking

[mrk2010]

First of all let me congratulate you for your success in weight loss. Weight loss is not an easy task but you've made it. So congrats and give yourself a huge pat on the back.

Mrk2010, so some people say you are good looking? Please take their words and accept that you are good looking with pride. Other people usually can see things that ourselves can't see. Always do remember that we are usually the worst critics to ourselves.



I think a makeover like self grooming, changing hairstyle, wearing contact lens and changing your fashion style is fine. That's normal. But to be frank, even all these can't help you if you are lack with self esteem.

A true life make over actually comes from within you. What you are inside will shape who you are outside. What's the point of looking perfect from head to toe if you are cluttered inside?

My office is located right in the middle of gay spot. I see countless of gorgeous gay guys every single day. Perfect height, flawless skin, sharp fashion sense, slender waist etc. All of them are beautiful but y'know, the more I see them every day, the more bland and plain they become.

The main problem that I see with most of these guys is that they lack with identity and individuality because all of them 'look' the same. Everyone's chasing to look perfect and they do their best to hide the smallest imperfection that they have. That's a pity because your imperfection is essential to make you different and special from the rest.

Another thing. Most of these guys worry a lot with their appearances to look perfectly stunning everyday. You don't think there's nothing wrong with their self esteem over there? They are being driven and pressured by their surroundings and people around them.

If you think giving your appearance a makeover is what you need, go for it. Groom all you can with your appearance but don't forget to groom your self esteem and confidence too. Without self esteem and confidence, you are still the same guy before you've had your makeover.

Always remember that nobody is perfect. Perfectionism can paralyze your life and you for a long term. Realize your limits. Exploit your strengths and be proud with your strengths. Conquer your self esteem and you will defeat all you weaknesses.

If you need to talk in private, I'm all ears. mile:

I'm a perfectionist by nature in all aspects of my life, this doesn't bode well :p

[pellaz]

be careful on that complete makeup. The new you may not be as expected. Look at what you like about your self and the bad. Work on some of the easy to do bad stuff.


You mentioned the weight loss you did. google search for body height weight ratios and set new goals. Nothing is more of a up life than looking in a mirror at a trim handsome you.

[ZackT]

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this has been said in some way already.



I'm one of those here who have told you that you are good looking. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, but I understand the perception you have of yourself. You said that you don't see anything special when you see your reflection, just you. There's nothing wrong with you, or your weight. It's great to strive for self improvement, but you've already had exercises in self-confidence and I thought those had paid off pretty well for you.

But nonetheless, you want to look better to attract guys. Either way man, appearances are a big part of life but they aren't everything. Boweyn Arrow said it pretty well, that if you ended up looking like a plastic pretty boy, you'd just get lots of shallow attention. I mean sure, there'd be good ones somewhere out there dreaming of you too, but they wouldn't make a move on you because they'd be feeling like they wouldn't be good enough. And do you think you'd really seek them out after you started getting that kind of attention? I doubt it, you wouldn't feel the need.

Teeth whitening isn't a bad idea though, I dunno the state of your teeth but damn I could use some myself. I took such horrid care of my teeth throughout my childhood, and even some of my teen/adult life. It's like my teeth are a permanent stained yellow or something, I am not happy about it, but I brought it on myself and I have to live with it til I can afford to get it fixed.

Your personal stuff, I'm not sure where you're coming from exactly. I had to go and find your other post (which somehow I completely missed despite it being several pages). I only read your initial thread-starter from it to save a bit of time, but I see your point. Too many people (both men and women) thinking with their privates. I'd imagine that amongst gay men, it'd be even more ramped up. After all, the stereotype is that men are generally more sex driven than women. Seems to me that men usually are allowed to be more open and obvious about it, women are taught to hide it. So, you take a bunch of guys who want to have sex with other guys and not really build anything more from it, and the result is tons of "open relationships" and flings and shit.

Not that I'm saying an open relationship is impossible, but what I'm talking about is guys who are "together" more for sex than anything.

You will be in a pretty bad way if you end up hating men though, because...well, you're gay, completely gay as far as I know, so you'd probably end up really depressed if you couldn't bring yourself to continue trying to find a decent man. And I do believe there are plenty of decent men out there, ones who aren't sex-crazed or douchebags. If you're getting tired of the gay community, that's fine man. Hang out with whoever makes you feel good, you'll eventually find someone like-minded to yourself and it'll be on!

It's ok to be jealous of other people who have what you perceive to be a happy relationship, but just remember they were once in the same position you're in. They had to find that somebody first.

[Jay]

I'm a perfectionist by nature in all aspects of my life, this doesn't bode well :p

Maybe it's time to break perfectionism, Mrk2010. Some people say perfection itself is a flaw.

For me, imperfection is what makes us human. Don't be too hard on yourself, Mrk2010.

[Scotty]

Hope it all works out for you dude
I was kinda shy when it came to meeting other lads. But I grew out of it matey. Mind you I was a horny little shit, and needed fun haha when I think back I really ought not have been having fun with done of they lads