The point I was trying to say is basically you have to keep trying and you don't depend on those sites to be happy, because many of those out there will reject you (this goes for everyone.... what one finds attractive, there are 20 that dont). Rejection is only as hard as you let it be.
There are some average guys that always get the most attention because they have all the confidence in the world. Looks will grab some peoples attention, but it's confidence that makes them come over and say hi.
Use goofy pictures, smiling pictures, and just have a relaxed profile. Just show people that you are confident in yourself, if you aren't, well that's something to work on.
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Hi Guys,
I am listening. That being said, where I like you better be very good looking to get a date and/or sex and most want just sex.
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FutureRD has hit the nail on the head as usual, and Michael has echoed this sentiment in the past as well - rejection needn't be as personal as we usually take it.
The cold, simple logic of it is that not everybody is your type, so you're not going to be everybody's type REGARDLESS of your looks, weight, cash, cock size, skin colour, ethnicity, and so on and so forth - we're all different and we're all beautifully unique.
Therefore, just because somebody doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean that's a BAD thing - if everybody DID, you'd never get out your front door for all the fanmail and love letters.
HOWEVER, we do (I'm sure) concede that there is a big difference between rejection of the "I'm sorry mate, you're just not my type" kind, and the "Good LORD what the HELL do you look like !?!?!" kind, and so it's a lot harder to take personally and deliberately-directed rejection in a NON-personal manner.
That being said, have regard for how you portray yourself to others and, if you feel their comments are disproportionate to your approach, take appropriate action !!
If you're still unsure of what we're saying, give us the URL for your profile/s on these sites, and we'll give you our honest critique and pointers.
Cheers,
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
P.s. FutureRD - nice pic babe - love that dog  mile: xx
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Lol thanks Shadow, that's my partner's dog.
Rookie I read your profile. It came off depressing when you talk about the abuse, and honestly if I were searching for someone it would make me put on the brakes. I would question the neediness level, and needy is rarely attractive.
I would recommend not posting info like that, let that be something discussed after you start dating someone. Make it more positive and post positive things about yourself. Focus on what you like and what you like about yourself.
If anything, put down how you love sports, dancing, and hiking. Cooking is a fun activity that is only more entertaining when you can cook for someone or even better when they join in and help. Tell people about your good qualities, don't tell them you think you are not attractive. Tell them how you love life and make them think they would be lucky to just talk to you.
I just can't stress it enough, put positive info on there! Take a new picture where it shows you polished up, that will increase your appeal.
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FuturED talks a lot of sense Rookies. First you have to happy within then you find the right guy.
I dont find your gay.com profile appealing either. Nothing more important that a good heart but saying that and then expanding on a sad story ain't ideal either.Sounds like you have issues to deal with.
Because of that it makes me think you are not looking for relationship as you say. Or to phrase it better you are not looking for relationship for the right reasons but to cover your own insecurities. Not many would find that attractive or tempting.
Forgive if i am wrong but i also think you are in some kind of a race with the time and trying to recover the lost years when you were 14-26. You ve been honest which is good but is a lot of information too soon and you dont give a positive message there. I would say change your profile but i would first say change yourself the way futurED very nicely pointed out.
I had to figure out what FuturED said about profiles and dating myself. Nobody told me anything when i first came out feeling lost and insecure and start using internet sites to find someone, so i think you should seriously consider what is been said here because is good advice.
Another tip is to have more pictures taken of you. Preferably where you dont necessarily pose or not a lot but you look happy, well groomed and show different sides of your personality and what you like to do. A pic from a party you ve been, an activity you like doing would work.
Btw the site that futured says is not matchup.com is match.com. I havent used it but i ve heard is not too bad but have to have your credit card ready.
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both sites you can create profiles for free, it's only when you want to respond is when you have to pay... you can also send winks for free.
THis is one subject I feel that I can talk about. I tend to avoid giving advice unless I feel I can contribute. I had to deal with a lot of my own shit growing up.
I had to learn that life goes on, you learn from your mistakes and each day means a fresh start for a new start, nothing is set in stone. Just to let you know, I was not always like this.
In high school, I was the fat creepy kid that no one screwed with. I sat along the wall and listened to conversation and used what information I gathered to spread rumors of those that bothered me, so I esentially spent my HS years with 3 friends. I didn't date anyone and no one showed me any interest, but that was my fault. When I got to college I grew up and literally woke up and decided to change.
I read books, some being dorkier than others, and since there is a good chance I will never see anyone here in real life, I'll list some of the books that helped me or at least made me laugh. Anything from Michael Thomas Ford (especially That's Mr. Faggot to You), Finding true love in a man-eat-man world, and yes.... the MOST embarrasing book of all.... The Boyfriend Within.
None of these books were the answers I wanted, but all had tid bits I took with me and made me think. I also saw a shrink when I was younger to help cope with stress and anxiety and just recently was told by my doctor I show several signs of manic-depression and have been started on meds that seem to help.
You have to make the decision to change what needs to be changed. You can use your past as crutch and be miserable, or you can stand up and dust yourself off. We all had it rough, everyone got made fun of, there is always someone that has had it worse. The important thing is going to be is if you are the kind of person that lets your past keep you down, or do you finally let go and move on.
BTW my father mentally abused my sister and I both. He called my sister a fat lazy cow and called me a fat loser. He would scream and shout and put us down to "motivate" us to do better. He hated his job and since he couldn't take out his anger there, he took it out on us. I used to be beat up in grade school by those younger than me. In middle school I was picked on because I was bigger than the others. In high school I was picked on during my freshman year for acting gay and being fat. I grew up being picked on because I'm asian (nothing like hearing "Me chinese, me play joke, me go pee in your coke" all the time) and because I'm Jewish. I let all these people interfere with my life for far too long, I then learned that they only affect me when I decide to let them affect me.
So in summary. It's time to make a change, and you aint gonna be able to do that using a forum (we can give advise but that is about it). Take the initiative, be brave enough to make the changes you need to make to be happy with yourself and move on, whether that be shrink, doctor, or self help books.
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Again, futureRD is correct, as is Spotysocks ... it is you that has to take control over your own life and create a better impression of yourself, if you want to attract rather than repel the love you seek.
The vibe I get from reading your profile is one of profound delicacy. You're honest about what you want, but you portray yourself as somebody that's teetering on the edge between being pushed that little bit too far and going off the rails -v- just flat-out wanting to be loved, and so if I were single and came across your profile, I would have sent you an encouraging message, but I wouldn't look to get to know you romantically based on your profile - I've got to be honest.
It effectively says "I've got baggage", and most people want to get into relationships with people that are able to deal with their own emotional issues before getting into a relationship if that makes sense ?
At the end of the day you want to find somebody that's sympathetic to what has happened to you in the past, but who sees THROUGH that to the character you are, and falls in love with THAT - not somebody that dates you because they feel you've had a rough time in the past and wants to try and help you out with a better future, non ?
Respect yourself and others will do the same. If you're unable to get past your past yourself, then my advice is to just NOT post about it on your profile - you're not lying - you're just providing an opportunity for people to learn about you in a more conventional fashion - i.e. by asking questions of you, seeing what they think of you and so on ...
Never lie - just don't drown people with the truth, as it can be kinda "WHOA !! Okaaaaaaaaaaaay then" if you've just met somebody, y'know ?
I hope those are viewed as helpful suggestions, as that's how I intend for them to come across.
As the boys have already said, focus on your strengths - you want to portray yourself in the best possible light.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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I personally have never been one for website dating because i run a gay dating website myself, and also hated going to gay bars because its so "Fabricated" in a sense. You always have the popular group who are always bitching about guys etc... and also think there like the only fit guys there. And every year you have a new should we say "popular group" and the old ones are forgot about. So im not a fan of the gay scene, but i did meet my boyfriend online and we very happy and been together a year on the 14th February love him soooo much, we are also engaged now too which is great!
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