Hello from Johannesburg :) Would you help me out I am in quite of a dilemma? :(

[Nikon1]

Hello there, I am new so I would like to introduce my self, I am Nikon from Volos Greece I got a bit of a dilemma that I would need advise on.

For 3 years ago I moved away from Greece to Johannesburg South Africa. I've been unemployed for 3 years and had basically no economy. I lived home until I was 21 and even then we had it rough at home. My father was ill suffering from occupational injuries in his knees, hips and lower back so he could not work and my mother is a simple housewife with no working experience and has no chance of ever getting a job. It has mostly been my 2 brothers that has supported the family.

I've always wanted to see the world and Greece economy right now... Is pretty much on the brink :frown: . It was pretty random that I went up here, searched occupation here and there and it was the first who simply replied back and from there I build up a friendship with the owner of a local shop through skype.

Anyhow I've known that I'm gay since I was a kid, can't say how and why although . But not a word has ever been said about it, another reason why I wanted to travel, but never expected this far :tongue:. I was only suppose to work a while in South Africa but I kind of meet my love and decided to move here for good.

My new life here has been heavenly, but I've really missed my family. I have visited them sometimes a year but during my time here they've never had the money to visit me. Until now.

They came over a week ago and shall stay the whole month. The problem is that I pretty much had to kick my boy friend out of the apartment during the time. My whole family has hinted that have meet someone, although I denied it was I ratter transparent and they pretty much know that I am in a relation, but not with what. They and my boy friend would die to meet each other but I am so frightened of they're reaction of my homosexuality. I love them with the bottom of my heart and I would not want to change that, as I know that all, anyways my parents are very religious persons :frown:. I my self believe in god but I don't see my sexuality sinful. But also the embarrassment frightens me. What should I do?

[pellaz]

first off welcome to gayspeak

this has to be your decision. You can easily not tell them anything right?

your self supporting with your own life. I see no reason you cant introduce the family to the boy friend.
-you spent your whole life thinking this through so dont expect the rents to jump on the same page right on. Patience and when they are accepting provide them some learning materials; books, move or two what ever. Take the time to educate them. Question; its they who are visiting you, make sure you show them a great time w/o stress. maybe have our boy friend introduced as just a friend, get serious at the end of their stay.
-boy friends come and go but generally they want to be part of your life. They get scornful if they are left out too. I say this because there might be some need for the introduction if you really like the guy
-talk to our mother or better your brother(s) first? Just they may be more accepting.

Everyone has their belief systems. All good.
Through time there have been millions of gods and thousands or religions, each claiming to be the true one religion. As a gay man mostly all religions hate us. You sound wise to this, that is you know which side the toast is buttered for you as a gay man. You dont need a formal religion to tell you what is right and wrong.

Embarrassment
you as a gay man would make a BAD husband in a straight relationship. You are who you are. The gay population is not going away and has always had a place in the sum of things Stand up and play the part, coming out to your family is one thing but you are still the same person you were to them. Dont be embarrassed to be an honest person. Create a loving supportive house hold around you.

[Nick9]

Hi and welcome to GS!


[QUOTE=pellaz;155051 maybe have our boy friend introduced as just a friend, get serious at the end of their stay.

Embarrassment
you as a gay man would make a BAD husband in a straight relationship. You are who you are. The gay population is not going away and has always had a place in the sum of things Stand up and play the part, coming out to your family is one thing but you are still the same person you were to them. Dont be embarrassed to be an honest person. Create a loving supportive house hold around you.[/QUOTE]

I like, what pellaz said and I think introducing your bf as a friend could work. You two will be together, your family may recognize some signs and it may tell you how they would react to the news. Fingers crossed it will be all right!

[East]

I dont' think anyone should settle for conditional love from their parents.

If you have to pretend to be someone else to get "love" and "acceptance"......you have nothing that is real anyway.....so what is the point?

The other problem...sacrificing for their "comfort" will hurt your own self esteem and self respect. You might not realize it now...but it WILL affect you down the road at some point and when you find yourself depressed and not liking yourself or respecting yourself very much...you can trace it back to this moment and how you decided to handle it....or notmile:

Just my opinion.

[monk]

^ Everything that East said. Great post!

[Almac]

Welcome to the forum and I have to agree with East and his post was great..

[zeon]

hello,
Firslt welcome to gayspeak and secondly being gay is not sinful because it is not a choice it as a walk of life and if god made us all unique we are made this way as he or she intended us to be... If your not wanting to hurt your family yet they want to meet your partner then why not be honest firstly and tell them your sexuality. The reason I say this is because that way it wont cause any offence to the one you love and if they react badly your the one who can deal with it whereas if they accept it then you know the time to meet your boyfriend is right... If they ask why your gay ask them why they are hetrosexual??? Its natures way of making people who they are

Kindest regards

zeon x

[Nikon1]

Our family has always been close to each other. Frankly I got no clue how they would take it as sex has not been a pleasant conversation, but as they believe in a god who thinks love is a sin I might be easy for me to judge them :redface:

Thank you all for your replies I can assure you I love that man so much, though many times of purposing to him but there is still doubts of it. Its pretty inevitable I guess. Although I am living by my own and far from them and its mostly them who I am not out to. Many friends had turned they're back, just hope they wont. But better going out slowly, not always best showing all cards at once :tongue:

[Rainbowmum]

First , welcome to the forum.

As a mother of two boys , one gay the other straight , I cannot fathom the idea of loving one less than the other.
I could never discriminate either on of them based on their sexuality.

Please remember that Jesus died for all our sins , not for selected ones.
There is a huge difference between mans word and Gods word.

Jesus does not discriminate.
Matthew 25- 45
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
Take care

[HollandofFrance]

hide it from them i guess