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Am I considered to be attractive?
#1
Hello,

I shall be honest with you. It has has become a great struggle for me to make use of apps like Tindr and Grindr just because I am barely getting matches/attention. Most people around me tell me that they think I'm beautiful, handsome/goodlooking and I am a type of person that does attach a significant amount of value to the way I'm looking.

I'm realizing my insecurity increases as I use these apps, even if it's solely used for 'superficial reasons' in which you would like to get some attention or a nice conversation with goodlooking/interesting individuals. It simply doesn't happen. Other gay people around me they use it and they mentioned it can be an ego-booster. But for me, my self-worth was actually influenced by this and I'd never imagine it would.

I've been single since March this year (had my first relationship at 25 and it wasn't a good one/ I'm 26 now) and up until now I haven't done anything when it comes to men (despite using apps, going out pretty much etc). I'm feeling lonely and not wanted since I've recently also been rejected by someone of whom I thought he wanted me as well. Our friendship was quickly dissolved after that and it makes it even worse. Sometimes I can be confident in the way I look, but deep down I'm constantly questioning things I maybe shouldn't.

The reactions I get from around me is that I'm too picky and too reserved when it comes to men. I know this attitude is actually a result of those rejections I've had before, and the confirmation that never happened in which someone was truly interested in me. But it may be because they just don't want to hurt my feelings.

I'm perhaps a more slightly feminine looking guy and I prefer the somewhat more masculine men (not the macho types) and you know how that goes. 90% of the handsome masculine men are searching for the exact same thing. (I thought we weren't all monolithic?)

I will post some pics here and I would like you to give your honest opinion about my looks, about how I may be perceived inside your mind. And I would prefer the unfiltered truth. Am I aiming too much out of my league? (even though some of you may think such a thing doesn't exist?) I'd rather have honesty over silence.

Thanks for reading Smile

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#2
My honest opinion;

You are good looking and I would classify / stereotype you under the heading twink and bottom.

You're attracted / prefer "somewhat more masculine men" and you're on grindr / tinder etc.....

These apps are advertisements of yourself to the public, now if someone is attracted to masculine men, which is most people on these apps then you too need to be in the same category of 'masc'. There's only a few handful of masc men that are into twinks, fem, trans etc. Also the reply rate of these good looking men with nice bodies is very minimal.

I would say you're standards are too high for what you want. In order to get what you want, you have to be in the same mindset as the others at first glance. First impressions on these apps are everything AND men on apps don't give two shits about your personality. 90%+ of the time you're gonna get messages on grindr to hook up and they wouldn't be in your 'preferred' criteria.

Work on yourself, work on your body, gain some weight and tone. Easier said than done, but over the next few years if you really dedicate yourself to build that body then you will see an influx of like-minded people that will reply back or message you.

Though it comes at a cost, you might face the same dilemma but just with men with masc bodies.
#3
You look good. Any gay bars in your area? I think most gay men would find you attractive, even the "masculine" muscle boys. You might put yourself out there. Find some attractive masculine type at a bar and say hello. Get to know them and see where it goes.

Are there any gay social groups in your area that you could join to make some gay friends?
Use a condom.
#4
Meh, you look fine.
[Image: 05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp]
#5
You look pretty good.
Is this a brag post though? Tongue
#6
I'm not going to comment on your appearance because I think you're putting way too much emphasis on looks. From the other responses, it's obvious that you're not a toad and men don't run screaming when they look at you.

So........what's the problem? Is there something in your behavior or attitude that's turning guys off? You haven't written enough about you as a person for me to hazard a guess.

Looks may initially attract a guy, but they won't keep him around if there's nothing there to back them up. It would be good if you could talk more about who you are. Maybe share your online dating profile. Give us an idea of what's going on.

The most absolutely gorgeous guy I've ever met - and I'm talking about guys stopping and staring and forgetting their own names when he walks into a club - is married to a guy 12 years older than him, a guy who, if I'm being kind, I'd call plain. But when you get to know him you realize what his partner sees in him.

Looking forward to hearing more about you.
"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them..."
~~~~~~~~Bruce Hornsby,, "That's Just The Way It Is"
#7
Physical appearance is not the issue. People find self confidence very attractive. If apps make you feel insecure, don't use them.

What you think about yourself is apparent to those around you. So be strong in who you are, let go of past hurt, be good at something, keep meeting guys, and keep making friends. No reward without risk, so keep at it. You'll have some successes and failures. Learn from them both. Good luck!
#8
I'm not seeing any photos, you guys are talking about looks and I don't see any photos...
#9
You look fine....Most guys would probably find you attractive and then there are some that might not...

Confidence is a big thing for some, it can really change the tone and how things go between you and another guy... (or really anyone).

I wouldn't take the whole "you're a bottom twink" too seriously, yeah one may associate you as being a bottom because of your looks but that isn't always the case.

However, I do relate... While I'm not sporting a "fancy" haircut or the latest fashion I do worry about whether a guy finds me attractive... While I don't like putting a score on my looks or anyone else's, some guys, for instance yourself, are found to be better looking by the masses. In other words I would guess that more people in general would say that your handsome than say myself. Just the way it is.

That being said, you will probably find that you may get a lot more attention from guy, then again maybe not. Many reasons why someone might not message you, they themselves might not have the confidence to message you...might be something else about your appearance besides whether they find you handsome or not...

For instance I have seen cute guys on dating apps and part of me wants to message them but what I feel from their profile says I'm signing myself up for a mess most likely and just pass.
#10
You're good looking guy, don't doubt yourself, I'm not experienced guy but based on what I've seen for so long, appearance is just the door we usually knock, but after that only what is inside becomes useful to carry out a relationship !

Also, think to go to the gym, you can work on your body, I myself started to go te the gym 3 months ago Smile


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