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Asexual... maybe? Advice appreciated.
#1
So... I've recently come to terms with the fact that I might be asexual. I mean, I'm not completely sure... but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I've always identified as gay and I've definitely felt attraction to men... but it's never been sexual. I've had sex once and, whilst I didn't hate it, I didn't like it. I mean, I know I could do it again... but it wouldn't be for my own sake, it would be something I'd endure for the sake of a partner.
As stupid as it sounds it never really occurred to me that sexual desire was an important part of what I considered to be my sexual orientation. I've had intense romantic feelings for men... but my ideal relationship would be one without sex. I just want someone to spend my time with, get to know deeply and just... lie next to, I guess.
I suppose my question is this. Assuming that I am indeed asexual as I suspect... is there still a place for me in the gay community? I guess I'm worried that if I "come out" as an asexual I'll be seen as an outsider... and I'm also a little worried that accepting the fact might be equivalent to resigning myself to a life without love. Whilst I could, as I previously mentioned, go through with sex for the sake of a partner, it's not something I could bring myself to go through indefinitely...
#2
Plenty will accept asexuals, plenty won't. Same could be said for all types of gay people, that is it can be very cliquish who want to shun certain types that they feel aren't real or "give the rest of us a bad name." No matter what, you're likely to run into a band of jerks sooner or later, the trick is not to let them define the entire movement for you. But those (of any demographic, not just gay) who cause us pain are the hardest to forget, so it's all too easy to let the jerks define any group or demographic that hurts us, while forgetting about all the better, even kind, people.

The default position is that whatever your gender and orientation, sex is expected. It's a powerful force, and many take it personally if you reject them sexually. This is compounded when a person is raised that their sexuality is somehow wrong or disgusting, as it leaves triggers for them.

If I were in your place, where I actually desired a romantic partner without sex (or at least minimal), then (regardless of my orientation) I'd actually try an app for asexual dating or local meetup for that, because that's not something you're likely to run into by chance.
#3
There are a lot of guys, at least in my experience, who have need of friendly relationships with other men. Then again, the gay community is composed of people; people aren't perfect. To me the most attractive trait another man can have is a healthy amount of self-love. I would seek these types of things. Dating sites can be filled with desperate guys who are often not ready for any type of relationship. Whoever you are and whatever you feel, you are the beautiful one. Self-reflection can be difficult, but I think you are on your way. Cheers


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