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Being bisexual is a phase? (Long story)
#1
Hi community,

I've had this everlasting thought in my mind, and it entangles my thoughts like no other. That thought is, "is bisexuality limited?"

The side-story:
My best friend and I, (at this point, we've only known each other since the beginning of the freshman school year, which was in August) month of September 2011. We're on the same floor during a band sleepover. Our talk is casual, everyday teen gossip, until I start mentioning guys. I admit that I'm bisexual to him and he just brushes it off. He looks at me with eyes of an angel and asks me how often I masturbate. I reply with "Every other day, I guess."

** I'll cut this shorter, too much details can be a bother.
I start masturbating under my sheets, and he joins too. He's constantly trying to find me red-handed by lifting the sheets up. I slowly work up my way into his pants, and quite honestly I don't remember how it happened. I'm jacking him off and he's giggling like a girl. The next morning we do the same.
This continues for about 5 months or so. It's a bit saddening because I'm not entirely sure why he stopped being sexual with me. A month prior to the end of our experiments he admits to me that he's bisexual too.

As you already know, we haven't done anything of the sort since February. He's much more friendlier to me than he used to, but of course he's cut off his bisexual side. A close friend of mine and his told me he had feelings for me back in December.
I asked him about this, and he didn't have any exciting for me to feed off of.
I sort of think he's back into me because he steals glances at me in class, teases me uncontrollably, and takes most opportunities to text me.
I'm pretty sure I've confused you all by now, but if you've put enough effort to reach this sentence I thank you a bunch. ^__^

TLDR; Best friend "used" to be bisexual, now is showing no signs of it and always talks about girls. When I bring up perverted jokes over text he reacts negatively but in public he hops on the bandwagon. Does he have dormant feelings for me, and is he still a little gay inside?

IF I LEFT OUT ANY DETAILS, just ask below. Thank you all for your review.
#2
" bisexuality limited " an excellent way of expressing it but the answer is no.
-sexuality as a whole is somewhat fluid
-bad to put other people's labels on things, will set you up for a fail
#3
He may not want to come out, might have been experimenting and, decided he wasn't bi, thouhg it sounds like he still flirts a little with you.

Maybe he's going through a roiugh time and just needs a friend. You really won't know until you ask him what's going on with him.

As for bisexuality being limited? No, while some peole to claim first bi, the gay in the prcess of coming out, it is also possible to be bi for life, or for a time and not ever be gay or straight. Sexuality is not set in stone so, it can and does change over the years.
#4
Hi Exo! welcome to GS. Wavey Your post indicates you consider yourself bisexual too but it sounds as though you are pretty enamored with this friend. The likely correct answers for you are "who knows?", "that depends," and "only time will tell."

There are no clear, black and white answers to the nature of sexuality. It is different for everyone and to define it based on generalizations often proves a mistake. What is true for one, or some, turns out different for some else or others.

For me, I understand that I've always been "bisexual" all my life. I remember having pretend play and lucid dreams involving desires, attraction, love and eventually sexual interactions with both male and female people and "characters" dating back as early as around five years old. I've lived my lifestyle as both solely "straight" and solely "gay" depending on my relationships because I've generally always been monogomous. I've never really used nor imposed the label of bisexual because it was/is not important to me but I've tried to always make it understood in all my relationships because it is a truth about myself. For being out with family I'm "gay" to them because I'm living with another man. But we are both bisexual and each could just as easily be satisfied and happy in straight relationships. Maybe I'll be totally gay by the time I grow up! LOL But I'm almost 50 already, so who knows. I must have been very rigid in my sexuality in a former life because I am truly fluid in my natural attraction in this one. Also interesting is how I find myself predominantly attracted to the sex with which I am actively engaged. I have been almost exclusively attracted physically and mentally to women while dating women and vice versa. And my favorite admission is how though my natural attraction has proven to be this flexible I've had some of the most intense sexual relationships where the monogamy is assured but the mental/emotional fantasy has been open involving the same sex (like fantasizing of being with a guy during sex with a female and vice versa).

To some this is uncomfortable and for some no big deal.

The point is, you have to discover and decide for yourself first. Once you are comfortable and accepting of that, dealing with others will not be as confusing. If you find yourself in a pattern of focusing on where others are "at" or coming "from" in your relationships while your own "place" is somewhat confused, then that could be problematic (maybe). It all depends on the details at the time and never according to some set of determined values and beliefs not shared with all involved people.

This fluidity of life can be a source of both rational and irrational living. Staying open, asking for feedback and being generally and genuinely interested in the process makes a huge difference. Xyxthumbs I find people who live according to a rigid set of beliefs, values and morals have far more mood and personality issues and concerns in my experience.

Sorry to ramble on, but it's that sort of Sunday morning. mmmm this coffee is excellent. Smile
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#5
heres how i take it and maybe your "friend" is having the same trouble. for most of my life, well honestly for all of my life i had to hide the fact that i was bi (leaning more toward guys) because of my parents. both my parents are retired military. Mom was a US marine. and Dad was US army. mom and dad both grew up in the south, what we call the bible belt. and in high school i had a couple of flings but when my parents started asking me about my friend i would pretty much act not interested in them other than as friends. my parents dont even know that im bi. mainly because of the fact that when i told them that i was Wiccan they both flipped shit and i dont even want to think of how they would react if i told them that im Bi. so maybe your friend is having the same type of issues at home as i did.
#6
I simply cannot imagine being a grown adult and having to feel obligated to hide my bf from my family because I don't want them to find out anything about my true self. I did not come out to my family. I simply have not hidden my bf from them. They all know because they've met him and witnessed our happy, stable and private life together. They've all actually gone out of there way to specifically include him in there communications and invitations, showing their acceptance without any need to discuss it any further. I do feel very fortunate in this regard but it has been so natural that it has made it difficult for me to imagine trying to hide it.
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#7
my mom is somewhat ok with people being gay (she lives by the If its not happening in my house i dont care mentality) but dad on the other hand is a complete and total homophobe.
#8
I don't believe my friend had much problems. He was a single child under the care of his single mom. I asked him if he felt bad that his dad left him when he was still in the womb, and he said he didn't care much about it or even thought about it.

Back then, I believe he had a lower self confidence. Now, of course, he doesn't have a huge ego but he doesn't have a small one either. He still comes over for sleepovers and maybe I'd like to give it another push.
We're less awkward than we were back then. Our bond has grown stronger without the consent and I prefer it this way.
#9
I know some people are really scared of these feelings. My grip on my sexuality isn't necassarily the strongest. Sometimes it is a phase, it can be conditional. I had a friend who did that stuff with me, we enjoyed it but he stopped, after a few months he didn't want to see me much after a while, thus was nine years ago he has a wife, I would never mention our things to her but he avoids me still. Some people are really scared of their feelings.
#10
First off, you're not alone! There are hundreds of thousands of guys and gals your age dealing with the same issue. Only time will really tell. If there's one thing we now know about "coming out" its that everyone does it in their own way on their own terms.

From a sex-only perspective, i belive that bisexuality is a reality.

From a love/life-bond/life-committment perspective, i belive that every person, in their heart-of-hearts will come to the full understanding and acceptance that they can only achieve life happiness with one gender. Can people go back and forth a few times? Yes, it happens alot. Usualy due to family/upbringing/religion, but when it comes to saying "I DO" to someone, i belive that is hardwired. And, coming to that understanding just takes time. Some folks always know, some take time to get there.

So, the best thing you can do is just keep being you. Don't pressure him and don't overthink it from your perspective. You have a WHOLE life ahead of you, and so don't put this friend on too high a pedistal. Take a deep breath, and just keep being you. If he wants a closer friendship/relationship with you, it will happen. If he dosn't, that's ok too. But don't let this drive you crazy trying to figure things out.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE!


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