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Calling all bisexuals and others for advice
#1
A friend of mine came up to me tonight and told me that he has been involved with this one guy friend. He told me that his friend recently admitted that he is bisexual. He said that this guy he has been involved with would talk with him about gay stuff and all.

These are some examples to give. His friend told him that he has seen a Playboy and Hustler magazine but he has never seen a Playgirl magazine even when he was at a place that sold those kind of magazines. My friend told him that he has some and said that he would be happy to show him them sometime and the guy said no that's ok. How come he would bring up about not seeing a Playgirl magazine and from what he said to my friend it sounded like he is interested in seeing them or otherwise why would he bring it up.

My friend also told me that he only tells him that he likes doing stuff with him and that if things end with them he wouldn't do anything with another guy. He also randomly stated to my friend that if he did find another guy that he would end things with him. He claims that he doesn't look at guys like he does girls. Why would he state that if he found another guy that he would end things with my friend if he isn't into guys at all? If he says that he is bisexual how could he not be interested in guys at all?

He stated that he is bisexual and that he knows people have said things about him about being gay/bisexual. He said to my friend that he wouldn't do anything with guys only him but in his last conversation with him he said that a few years from now I might go to the other side -- meaning that he would be completely gay. Why would he make those kind of comments?

I am trying to help out my friend and has anyone else on this forum gone through similar feelings in the past? It would be helpful to get some help.
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#2
For what it's worth I know a lesbian who claims to be bisexual because she ONCE fell for a guy hard (but it didn't last long at all). But being a stickler about labels and realizing she COULD be attracted to a guy she insists on calling herself bi despite that it was just a fluke. Perhaps this guy is doing something similar.

IMO, most people who are gay or straight are more like 90%, and can have brief flings, one night stands, etc, that goes against their orientation and still not be bi. But some people really get hung up over labels and the old "a thing IS or IS NOT" philosophy that if they're not 100% straight or gay then they MUST be bi.
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#3
I think we worry to much about labels also. I identify as bisexual because of a strong attraction I have to both sexes. I feel I could have a relationship with both. However something inside me has always made me feel that I would end up in a committed relationship with another man rather than a woman. I don't feel this changes how I identify myself since the circumstances may find that I end up encountering a very special lady who I will share my life with.

How we define ourselves is more important then how others define us. No one should feel beholden to call themselves anything that they don't feel is right for themselves. The person in question may be feeling some confusion over their attraction. In the end though how they feel, the attractions they form, and the way they express it is deeply personal.

Sometimes we are surprised by our feelings, but in the end we have to be who we are and base our identity on how we feel about ourselves.
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