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Constant depression
#1
I am not sure what to do but I'm diagnosed with borderlines, as result I am almost always depressed but horrible moodswings. As example, I rarely get happy, or angry, but if i do... its intense. I know that depression will always be a part of my life, but the though of suicide loops infinite. I've not had an easy life, it would just be a relief to ease the pain. But do i really want to die? Forever is a very long time. The drugs reliefs some of the anxiety, but not enough, as the cause of my depression comes from many sources. All I see me as is just a failure, that will never get any pleasures, never a job, never succeed at coming out and get a boyfriend, never succeed at handling with my inner feelings, fears and dreams, never succeed money wise and will always be a burden for the society and my family. I just suck...
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#2
You have many different possibilities to get your depression under control. I think a psychologist or a psychiatrist you have and you should not stop to visiting him. For yourself you can try herbal Teas ( Basil : 1 Teaspoon / cup of boiling water/ 3 times a Day or Rosemary-Tea, same as Basil but the last cup 4 hours before you go to sleep ), Aromatherapy..... maybe with vanilla-oil, Light-Therapy - normally red- orange or yellow colors but.... in my case with cold colors Iceblue, Deepgreen, Deepblue.... it is very funny that the body reacts sometimes in a few seconds if you see the right color.
Yoga, meditation, go out into the nature, no porc, no alcohol
Talk about your feelings.... real friends have to listen so don´t ask and a real friend will never say "stop... I don´t want hear that"
A good medication is Amitriptyline

The Teas are named Basil (Ocimum basilicum) and Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis )
And .. to have a Boyfriend or not is not a Question of a Illness..... and I know that Wink

Important is : If you feel that the bad thought come up tell yourself "NOT NOW"... it works .. not in the first minute ... but you can train your brain to a reaction... try it.
Never let your Brain idle.... do something with your hands what your brain has to watch, play games.. better knit or crochet.... and you will see You are the Leader of your Brain and let not be your Brain the leader into bad feelings
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#3
well maby you could start liveing you life on your own terms sorry but when you try to live up to others expetations. And they seem to have been able to inpart some of thoes values into you
think about this and start listing what you really want out of this passage thru thois world
I am probaly a baad example i am not rich powreful and all that worldy stuff but i dont really give a damm my car gets there just like a new 500,000.00 car but i will not live by someone eles plan
or scocitys plans too i go too far but you can find a happy medum for yourself it.s inside you just dig it out just dont let others opinions yours too just try to find happyness in your life and in all things you do likr job and just every thing remember if you don't like it it will show in your work and just dont buy into scocitys games just try to live and find a little happyness for yourself after all it's your life.
guess i will quit repeating things good luck and seriously think about it
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#4
I also feel that you need pyschiatrist help with your medication, it would seem that your bipolar disorder isn"t being managed properly.

I don't think there is anyone on this forum that can offer you the support and help that you actually need. There is no shame in raising your hand and asking for help and I really do hope that you find the results that you need.

Please, contact a psychiatrist and get the best medical care and the best drug therapy available to you so that you can live your life unbound by your condition.
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#5
Drug therapy is only part of the treatment plan.

Granted in the USA the sole treatment seems to be drug the patient and walk away, the reality is that any patient with any mental/emotional health issue(s) should work with therapist(s) as well as use the drug therapy.

We humans are composed of four aspects, physical, mental (intellectual), emotional and 'spiritual'. We get sick in any of these areas and the other aspects respond. We can strengthen our emotions by strengthening the mind, the body and/or the spiritual side of us. We can boost our physical strength and endurance just by how we emotionally feel...

It also works in reverse. All of that never talk is your emotional aspect impacting the other aspects of your being.

Ultimately I can't tell you what it is you need to make you content in life. Do not try to seek for happiness all the time. Being happy all the time is as bad as being sad all the time... I believe its called mania.

Contentment with life is far easier to reach. Contentment is attainable and it is the root of real 'happiness'.

I have no idea what your complete diagnosis is.

It could be wrong - very wrong.

I was diagnosed as 'chronically depressed' and treated with drugs for that which lead to my going from mere melancholia to my making serious attempts on my life. I killed myself December 30th 1994 - to the point where I had to be resuscitated twice. Dead - as in the heart stopped, the lungs stopped breathing and had there been no heroic issues I would not be here today. (Nope sorry, no flames, no tunnel, no white light - sorry just darkness and nothing).

Why? because those drugs were the wrong ones. I have Seasonal Affected Disorder - AKA Winter Depression. I also have the opposite of summer mania. Too little light and I get cranky and a touch of the melancholia - too much light and I am bouncing off the walls. The drug therapy pushed me to suicidal hard - very hard.

It took therapy to arrive at a real diagnosis. It took a therapist working with me and listening to more than just 15 minutes of my answering specific questions before the pattern emerged that gave me the right diagnosis.

I take no drugs today. I take in light in the winter mornings (bright light therapy) and in summer I cower in the darkness, denying myself some light to balance out the mania side of things.

A psychologist usually doesn't have an MD attached to their name. As such they have worked with other therapeutic ways to deal with issues. A psychiatrist has an MD and will push the drugs because they specialized in treating all ailments as if they are chemical in nature.

Since you have many reasons, I suspect that your issue is not 100% chemical, thus will not respond 100% to a chemical solution. You need to address those other issues and learn how to deal with issues in day to day life.

Some of these tools may be like what I use:

I use 'meditation' to center my mind and to ground my emotions. I literally hug a tree to 'ground' myself. http://www.meditationescape.com/groundin...ation.html Talks about tree hugging Wink More often than not I just sit under the tree and converse with it. Trees are great listeners, have long patience and if you sit quietly long enough they will whisper support and strength to you.

Mind this is the same tree that I stop under each day after work. I 'stretch' raising my arms high above me and I mentally visualize myself hanging the work problems on that poor tree. To the rest of the world it looks like I am merely stretching.

Through the years I have learned how to leave my troubles hanging in the tree. Each morning on the way out to work I 'stretch' and visualize my collecting those troubles out of the tree. Amazingly after a night out hanging in the boughs of the tree, those problems and troubles are much lighter, greatly reduced.

I also stare deep into a candle flame nearly daily. I stare at the blue part just above the wick, that minor space between physical and flame. I let my vision go unfocused and perform what is in essence 'self hypnosis'. Letting thoughts slip through my mind as they please without grabbing a hold of any of them until my mind decides to make sense of the random data and reveal to me some minor 'eureka' thought for the day. It is deep relaxation and gives me a place to 'burn' negative emotions, and gives me a few minutes a day in order to 'detach' from reality and let my brain have a minor vacation.

I take things to God in prayer - more meditation, contemplation, whatever you want to call it.

Knowing your limitation is not the same thing as arguing your limitations. I suspect that you are arguing your limitations, and if you argue hard enough, sure enough they will be yours.

Diet and exercise, exercise and diet. This is the physical affect on the rest of the aspects. I personally eat healthy, I refrain from large amounts of added fats and added sugars. I have moved away from high processed foods like box meals (Hamburger Helper - a chemical wonderland right there). I moved to a diet higher in vegetable matter and lean meats instead of the grain based diet.

Aside from being regular as clockwork (a daily morning constitutional Wink ) I also maintain my body weight - I look good so can feel good (emotionally) about myself.

Part of the whole eating better thing lead to my keeping a kitchen garden that has, over the years, grown to be one of the main sources of veg in my diet. From growing bushels of beans I came to the point where I canned my own beans and tomatoes and carrots and..... This gives me a day a week to be out in the sun pulling weeds, hoeing between the rows, nurturing something that is living and having a yearly satisfaction in having raised 'babies' to adulthood and maturity. Not only does this do my body good in the food area, it gives me exercise and it satisfies me emotionally and spiritually and even intellectually since I got lots of books and read up on things like organic gardening, succession growing, compact gardening, etc.

You do not need to join a gym to exercise more. Exercise can be as simple as parking way out by the street and walking to the store doors, instead of fighting with the majority who are trying to park as close to the doors as possible. Exercise can be as simple as walking up one level of stairs and riding the elevator the rest of the way. Minor incorporation of more movement in you day to day activity is exercise - trust me if your just a little more fit, a little more physical, it can have a profound impact on your emotional aspect.
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