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Did anyone realize they were gay later than 20?
#1
Up until recently, I considered myself to be heterosexual. I have been attracted to and intimate with women, and enjoyed it on a physical as well as a deeper level. But a few months ago, I began to see things differently. I am not longer sexually (or in any other way) attracted to women, but rather men, and I have no problem with it whatsoever. The only thing that concerns me is my age. Although still young (22), it seems that in the majority of "realization" stories that I have heard or read, most people noticed their homosexual tendencies at a young age, some even before puberty. Granted I did have gay fantasies, it was rare. I want everything to work out, but I feel like this is happening for all the wrong reasons and I am lying to myself because it is happening so late. So what I am asking is how common it is for people to realize this at this late of age, or if anyone had a similar situation to possibly give me some advice.
anyways thanks for the halp
#2
Nowadays, it is extremely common for people to realize their sexuality at around your age. Don't worry, it's not "happening so late.". I was in the same boat as you. The only thing was, I was never ever intimate with a woman ever. I actually found out that I was gay when I was 13/14 years old. I kept it hidden for 10+ years and I figured that it was only a phase or a mistake. I wanted to maintain that I was a heterosexual male (sadly back in March of this year, I stated I was straight on another forum... big mistake). Then I noticed some gay tendencies later on. I ignored it and I forgot about my first true crushes back in junior high school.

I was getting signals that I was gay when I was talking to someone who was and I remembered my first true crushes back when I was 13/14 years old. I didn't come to terms with my homosexuality until I was 23 years old. It took me 10 years to finally come to terms with it. I'm still really not getting the hang of my sexuality after a couple of years of finally coming to the definite conclusion that I am gay, I guess that's why I stated that I was a heterosexual on another forum.

The best advice that I can give you is that go with flow and you take it easy with sexuality. It seems like you may actually be bisexual if you enjoyed being intimate with women. However, ultimately up to you to decide what your sexuality is. That's another thing... I remember thinking that maybe I was bi, but my attraction to women was not equal to men and not even a little bit of an attraction towards women.
#3
The short answer to the OP's question is that it's unusual but not rare.

However I think the word 'realised' is key here. It's a matter of finally making sense if confused thoughts and feelings, of abandoning that learned assumption from childhood that we are straight, and looking at the actual evidence.

Obviously, there are changes of feelings associated with that realisation. Relief to be free of disturbing doubts at the back of one's mind. Anxiety about the future. Unrepressed attraction to men. The absence of imagined/willed attraction to women. However I get the impression (tell me if I am wrong) from your post that your feelings towards women were stronger than that, so I am wondering if things are more complicated that simply realising that you are gay.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#4
There are plenty of stories where guys older than you find themselves to be gay. Plenty of older men who are married, or just never thought about it. Youre not alone Smile
#5
hello first you have 257 posts think it might be time to come out of the anonymous closet lol

two I came out at 25 so no you are not alone ..
not as rare as people think it is.
#6
fredv3b Wrote:Obviously, there are changes of feelings associated with that realisation. Relief to be free of disturbing doubts at the back of one's mind. Anxiety about the future. Unrepressed attraction to men. The absence of imagined/willed attraction to women. However I get the impression (tell me if I am wrong) from your post that your feelings towards women were stronger than that, so I am wondering if things are more complicated that simply realising that you are gay.

I have thought about this long and hard (no pun intended), and the only thing that I can legitimately think is the conservative nature of my household growing up. My mom was a religious nutjob, and everything was considered the demonic...my life was so restricted that even after being away from her for over 4 years now, I only recently began to realize how full of shit she was, and I think it screwed me up for the worse.

Cutieboy Wrote:The best advice that I can give you is that go with flow and you take it easy with sexuality. It seems like you may actually be bisexual if you enjoyed being intimate with women. However, ultimately up to you to decide what your sexuality is. That's another thing... I remember thinking that maybe I was bi, but my attraction to women was not equal to men and not even a little bit of an attraction towards women.

Granted my feelings for women were legitimate and sincere, I can't even imagine being with one at this point. It is sorta like a switch was turned off(or on) and that whole idea of a raising a family as a heterosexual is just so....unappealing and offputting. I havent been with a guy yet, but I feel so much deeper of a connection when I see an attractive guy on TV or when I am out with friends than I ever did with a woman.

Mr. Lonely Wrote:hello first you have 257 posts think it might be time to come out of the anonymous closet lol
Thats strange, Ive only been around here for 2 or so weeks, and only posted once or twice.
#7
All the anonymous posts get aggregated under one screen name I'm guessing?
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
#8
Mr. Lonely Wrote:hello first you have 257 posts think it might be time to come out of the anonymous closet lol

two I came out at 25 so no you are not alone ..
not as rare as people think it is.


It is marked 257 posts because that is how many anon posts there have been in total, not just by one person.



Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk
#9
Anonymous Wrote:Up until recently, I considered myself to be heterosexual. I have been attracted to and intimate with women, and enjoyed it on a physical as well as a deeper level. But a few months ago, I began to see things differently. I am not longer sexually (or in any other way) attracted to women, but rather men, and I have no problem with it whatsoever. The only thing that concerns me is my age. Although still young (22), it seems that in the majority of "realization" stories that I have heard or read, most people noticed their homosexual tendencies at a young age, some even before puberty. Granted I did have gay fantasies, it was rare. I want everything to work out, but I feel like this is happening for all the wrong reasons and I am lying to myself because it is happening so late. So what I am asking is how common it is for people to realize this at this late of age, or if anyone had a similar situation to possibly give me some advice.
anyways thanks for the halp

Indeed the majority of realisation stories are in teenage years. That's also what made it hard for me. I was 34 when I came to final realisation and acceptance.

I am actually in the process of setting up a site for folks that come to realisation or acceptance later. Anywhere post university years, because that's when the easy access to help such as school/college/university LGBT groups end and so that's when it becomes much more difficult.

When I came out I told a friend who was gay. He assured me not to feel silly or slow as a result of my age. He knows of men in their 60s who have only recently come out. Just knowing that, on its own, helped a lot.
#10
I only came to accept myself as of May 2010. I kept telling myself lies until then.


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