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Differences in relationships
#1
Here's a topic that I often think about.
How much difference can a relationship cope with?

Be it difference in wealth (poor/rich), career (jobless / successful), age (young / old), looks (fat / model type), lifestyle (untattooed / covered in ink), experience (virgin / "slut"), height (short / tall), politics (leftwing/rightwing), religiosity (atheist / believer), etc...

how much of a difference can a relationship take? How much similarity is needed to stand a chance?

I'm asking because I'm very different to the "norm" in many regards, so this topic is quite often in my head.
If you know of examples where there are vast differences, it would be great to hear about it.

Not asking it to feel better, I quite had a lot of insight in the past months, but would still be interesting to read about unsimilar couples.
#2
Well the short answer is it varies couple to couple....

I was hanging with some friends and had been on tinder which seems to have a higher caliber of guys on there but most all of them are far away. I told them that I would like to find someone who has similar interests that I have. They told me that you probably wouldn't want that because you would have a harder time doing things you like by yourself and that being opposites have their benefits... This coming from a couple who have been together for over 10 years, I'd say there's some merit to it.

As far as the phyiscal aspect, that varies, some guys like older people, some are "chubby chasers" some don't care what you look like or even have much of a sex drive.

You did seem concerned about your weight in another thread but I honestly don't think a lot of guys would consider you to be fat, I'd find that a bit hard to believe.

On the job stuff, it just depends. For those who don't have a job people may get the idea that someone is a freeloader or something. It just varies, some people like taking care of someone. People vary so much on what their needs and desires are, there's probably someone to fit almost any scenario.

Politics and religion are probably the stickiest for being vastly different and probably less likely than the rest of them.

Just remember there is no real normal. I think the best realization anyone can have is knowing that we're all a little fucked up and almost no one looks like a model out of a magazine...unless they are the model out of a magazine.

On the flip-side, people in general are very judgmental about all sorts of different things. Someone may think that I'm fat and ugly. Some people might think I'm a wonderful person while some think I'm a terrible person -- there's someone here on the forums who thinks I'm a terrible person for that matter. You can't make everyone happy, that's for sure. Some folks are completely compatible and some are like putting two beta fish in the same bowl.

I do think there is a degree of similarity required, how much depends on both individuals. Wish I could give a more concrete answer here but the only advice I would have is that both individuals will know when they meet someone who they fall in love with. It will simply just work, not saying there aren't bumps along the road but I think things would just click and that person would accept you for what you are as you would them.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#3
In my opinion and experience, all the differences that you list can be appreciated and/or over come easily if those involved are open to it.

The difference that matters is where the meeting of the minds is concerned. Morals, specifically. Although the moral compass of one person's and another's doesn't have to be perfectly in-line? I think it needs to be -close enough- in line to where on most moral/ethical issues, there is agreement between the two.

As for differences I personally know of? In a physical sense, [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] and I are extremely different. A lot of our interest are extremely different as well. Yet in spite of all that, we focus on those things we have in common, and choose to disregard (and/or appreciate) those things that are different.

After all, who wants to be with a clone of themselves (other than perhaps a narcissist)? That would be boring.
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
#4
My partner and I have had a good relationship with only one major argument in 2 1/2 years, we have a 6 year age difference which is very different to the 1 year age difference I've had with past partners, I think the age difference and the fact that he is older actually brings a level of maturity to the relationship as my previous relationships seemed to have peaks and troughs with this one being very stable.

If I simply looked at the points that you brought up for this thread than I'd say that me and my partner definitely differ in a lot of ways. That doesn't mean to say that the relationship won't work, the difference in hobbies and interests actually enables myself and my partner to broaden our views and even learn new stuff about ourselves. One thing that makes us work as well is that neither of us demands the other changes in any way and we don't try to force each other to enjoy the same things as the other one does.

So to answer your question, a relationship can handle a lot of difference as long as they have the right mindset and can respect each other's differences.
#5
CorsacReborn Wrote:the difference in hobbies and interests actually enables myself and my partner to broaden our views and even learn new stuff about ourselves. One thing that makes us work as well is that neither of us demands the other changes in any way and we don't try to force each other to enjoy the same things as the other one does.

So to answer your question, a relationship can handle a lot of difference as long as they have the right mindset and can respect each other's differences.

You described a major challenge in most relationships.

I'm seeing a trend where people date a carbon copy of themselves because it's...easier. Having hobbies and common interests is a quick way to bring folks together.

Staying together is really what matters...
Growth and dynamics seems to keep relationships solid.

Personally I would never date a carbon copy of myself.. it would really end in battling egos and competitiveness.

^^^^^
Some couples dig that sort of stuff..

CorsacReborn..
I love your post.
#6
Anocxu Wrote:You described a major challenge in most relationships.

I'm seeing a trend where people date a carbon copy of themselves because it's...easier. Having hobbies and common interests is a quick way to bring folks together.

Staying together is really what matters...
Growth and dynamics seems to keep relationships solid.

Personally I would never date a carbon copy of myself.. it would really end in battling egos and competitiveness.

^^^^^
Some couples dig that sort of stuff..

CorsacReborn..
I love your post.

You're right, people date carbon copies of themselves for ease. I find gay couples do this on much larger scale then straight couples do. Just remember what you see on the outside for other couples isn't necessarily what happens within their relationship.

When I was dating guys I tried not to limit myself too much (I still had some preferences), my partner came along at a time when I was using dating apps to try and make a few gay friends where I live rather then find more dates. We've had ups and downs like all couples but we've persevered through it all and I think it's made us stronger as a couple.
#7
Anocxu Wrote:You described a major challenge in most relationships.

I'm seeing a trend where people date a carbon copy of themselves because it's...easier. Having hobbies and common interests is a quick way to bring folks together.

Staying together is really what matters...
Growth and dynamics seems to keep relationships solid.

Personally I would never date a carbon copy of myself.. it would really end in battling egos and competitiveness.

^^^^^
Some couples dig that sort of stuff..

CorsacReborn..
I love your post.

I agree completely with this. For me, I would rather date someone quite different from me rather than a cookie cutter of myself. Someone else said it depends from couple to couple but I think it is from individual to individual. In any kind of relationship we have to compromise and change. The individual makes the change. It's a give and take. It would be immature not to. When I look at my circle of close friends, I see people with whom I share certain commonalities but also many differences. I like it that way.
I don't know how it would work out, however, if the two people had absolutely nothing in common.

I was dating a guy that I really liked but he was always pretty passive. While he was always ready, willing and more than able to do what I wanted, I preferred him to take the lead some of the time. It seemed to go against his nature even when I talked to him about it. It was the same with sex, he was very sexual but I always had to initiate. I got used to that, but one day in the shower, he pushed me hard up against the wall, grabbed my dick and kissed me hard, then told me "this is how it is going to be". It was some of the best sex. He actually began to be less submissive after that in the rest of our lives, too. I think we grow in relationships.


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