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Does my "straight" friend have feelings for me?
#1
So here's the story: I'm a student and was studying abroad in Spain last year and I had a friend who I met doing a "language exchange" with as he wanted someone to help him with his English and I wanted someone to help me with my Spanish. The two of us ended up hanging out on a regular basis and became close friends. For the sake of clarity I'll call him “Jose” in this post although that isn't his actual name.

Jose was always very friendly toward me and I thought nothing of it at the time, but since then I've begun to wonder if maybe he doesn't have feelings for me. The last few days that I was in Spain I stayed with him. I'd mentioned in passing once that I liked serrano ham (which is, for lack of a better way of putting it, Spain's fanciest ham) and so he went out and bought some specifically for me while I was staying with him. Additionally, he saw me to the taxi I took to the train station the day I left and hugged me. In our e-mails and other correspondences with each other he'll often write things like "un fuerte abrazo" (a strong hug). When we hung out while I was in Spain he would also often do things like buy my drinks for me when we were out

Males tend to be more demonstrative with their feelings in Spain; for instance I had another male friend there who at one point ended an e-mail to me with “abrazos” but he was never as emphatic about how much he liked me as Jose is, and I maintain no illusions that he was interested in me.

Jose and I have continued to talk via skype since I came back to Canada and he still often says stuff that's ambiguously romantic-sounding stuff like this to me fairly often. For instance it was my birthday recently and he said he felt bad that we didn't get to talk that day. He came back from vacation recently and he IMed me on skype. We ended up video chatting and he told me he was “very happy” to get a chance to see me.

Jose knows that I'm gay and it doesn't seem to bother him. That being said, he has a girlfriend. Actually, the way he found out that I was gay was when he, his girlfriend and I were all hanging out. She brought up the subject in a round-about kind of way, first telling me some story about a gay bar she and him used to go to before asking me if there was a girl I was seeing back home. Finally, after I said nothing that would let her know one way or another she asked me flat-out if I was gay and I told her yes. She then proceeded to suggest that we all hang out at the aforementioned gay bar at some point. She also mentioned that Jose used to have a gay roommate (not sure if that means anything).

A little context here just so you guys have the entire story. Jose works as a prison guard out of town from where he lives normally. He usually works 3 days a week there and hence has to commute a lot which probably makes it difficult for him to go out with friends all that often. Additionally, the city where he lives (and I was living in) is kind of a student town and hence a lot of people come and go. I was thinking that maybe the reason he's so affectionate toward me is because he simply doesn't have a lot of friends he sees on a regular basis and hence he likes to keep the ones that he has as close to him as possible. That being said, I'm not entirely sure. We hung out with another friend of his (also male) a few times and he didn't seem to act the same way toward him as he does toward me. The main reason I'm posting this is because I wanted to get an outside perspective on the situation so that I can get an unbiased opinion. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
#2
It sounds to me like he is the sort of person that loves his friends - platonic love - and he is comfortable expressing that mush as he expresses romantic love.

I buy things for my friends, send hugs in messages online to them, and sometimes even tell them I love them, if I know they won't take it as a come on or anything romantic. To me I think that's what your Jose is doing, just loving you as a friend.
#3
He most likely does have feelings for you.

Don't get all excited and start planning a wedding.

Straight men can love and even fall in love with other men. It isn't always sexual, in fact more often than not its not really sexual at all.

The difference between North American Males and Spanish Males you already pointed out:

"Males tend to be more demonstrative with their feelings in Spain"

As for the GF suggesting 'we hang out a gay bar' it may be very innocent and her way of telling you 'we are ok with gays'.
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#4
Sweetie , If he has feeling for you , I would say that right now they are platonic.
At any rate the man is taken right ?
#5
Well I say, what do you have to lose? You are seperated and only communicate through email. Just ask him? But only if you have feelings for him.
#6
If sexuality is truly "on a spectrum", then perhaps he has feelings for you and only for you, not other guys. Good luck with your love life
#7
My advice: ENJOY THIS WONDERFUL, INTERNATIONAL FRIENDSHIP!

You come from two different worlds, with 2 different lifestyles, and yet, you clicked as friends. I would NOT make any effort to advance the friendship past the level it's at now. He's from spain, right? Well, gay marriage is legal there so their perceptions of what being gay is, even in Canada.

I would celebrate this friendship, but not hold off on living your life as a gay man in Canada. PLEASE don't put off meeting/dating men locally on teh hopes that maybe you two might progress past friends...that wouldn't be a good thing.

EMBRACE THIS FRIENSHIP!
#8
i have a friend just like this as well. We hug and touch each other face A LOT, and we even take naps or lay in bed together. I used to be really torn over it, but once I came out to him and told him I was gay, he said he wasnt gay and we continued doing the same stuff anyways. I never told him how I felt about him but I'm getting over it slowly. I think some people have a weird way of showing affection, even if their not sexually attracted to someone. SOmetimes a platonic friendship can be so important that you may find yourself doing that stuff just because you genuinely love the person, and it doesnt mean its sexual or anything. My friend is also someone who doesnt have many close friends either and so I think that may be a reason too.
#9
even if he does have feelings for you , he has a girlfriend ... so you shouldn't do anything about it ...

i think his feelings are most likely platonic , though .


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