Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Extremely confused, need some advice (be warned, story's a bit long)
Ok, so I'll just start from the top. I'm a bisexual guy in high school who's been out for about a year, and have had this huge thing for this other guy, who we'll call X in this situation, for about 2 years. Over the last couple of years, he became very flirtatious with me to the point where it was beyond what any straight guy would do, including having playful nicknames for each other, constantly shooting each other looks during classes, overlapping legs quite a bit every time we sat next to each other, which was in almost every class, as well as smaller things such as always making a point to casually make body contact or touch me subtly when having a conversation. Basically your average cliched high school scenario, just with two guys which made it screamingly more questionable.

Now, it's also important that I note that when I came out to him as well as others, he didn't act any differently, and in fact began to make more frequent and obvious flirtatious actions such as increasing small unnecessary body contacts while talking, etc. About a year ago, he started dating this girl, and they quickly became talked about because both of them admitted to never really doing anything of a sexual nature with each other, which struck most people as pretty odd.

He broke up with this girl a few weeks ago, saying that there was someone else he was interested in and that they were "different". Now, those of my friends who knew how I felt about him quickly started to comment on how obvious it seemed to them that he liked me, which encouraged me to finally talk to him about it 3 days ago. We were just texting back and forth, which happened almost every night without fail, and I basically put it plainly that I had strong feelings for him.

Now here's where it gets troublesome and I need help. He responded saying that he was really flattered by that, and that although he wasn't sure, he had strongly considered the possibility that he was bisexual, leaving it by saying he was still a little confused. I gave it some time and later he pretty much flat out said that he liked guys as much as girls and that if there was any guy he'd want to date it would be me. Now I'm thinking I'm in the clear, right? Nope. Turns out there was some other girl he was currently pursuing, so I was like, whatever, and some what left it at that, with the understanding that he had feelings for me but currently had stronger feelings for this girl.

Fast forward one day, we're skype chatting and he says he told this mystery girl how he felt and she responded by saying although she had some feelings for him, there was someone else she was interested in (sound familiar, eh?), so I was thinking, ok, I'll give it some time and maybe he'll sort things out in his head and figure this all out. The two days in class after I broke the news about how I felt to him, he became oddly extra flirtatious, constantly talking to me, trying to move seats around so he could be next to me, doing more of that awkward leg overlapping business, and insisting we needed to hang out this next week.
Now I'm thinking, this mystery girl's out of the equation, he's told me he has feelings for me too and that he thinks he's bi, we should all be good. Not so fast though, he messages me tonight saying that he's really sorry but he thinks he's straight, and that he really wants to stay close friends. I tried to get more details out of him, but he basically shut down and tried to move on to just chatting about normal stuff, while insisting that he felt really close and that he considers me his best friend, even making a point of using the dumb nickname he had given me.

Anyone have any insight on what's going on? How do I still talk to him as just a friend, given that the only way I've ever talked to him is from that of someone who likes him? Should I just leave it and assume he's straight even after all the things he's done which no other straight guy would do? What does it mean that one day he comes out as bisexual, and the next is insisting he thinks he's straight? Help??

As you can see, I have all kinds of confused thoughts and emotions right now, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what might really be happening? cause I'm clueless at this point

TLDR - Guy gives me strong signals for years, does lots of stuff NO straight guy would do to another guy, tells me he's bisexual and likes me after I tell him how I feel, two days later is claiming he's straight and just wants to be really close friends.

Update (sorta): So apparently one of my friends talked to him only a couple minutes before he decided to tell me he was straight, and X told him that he was really confused and not sure. Since then, he's kept up the awkward leg touching, made a point of meeting up at a coffee place as just the two of us, and has multiple times mentioned wanting to hang out as just the two of us. On the other hand, he's complaining that this girl is giving him serious mixed signals (sound familiar?) and that he's not sure what their situation is, but for some reason he feels ok talking about it in front of me only a day after turning me down. He'll also occasionally go from being really chatty and flirty and outgoing to withdrawn. I don't know guys, I'm just really confused and advice would help at this point :/
I know this is going to sound horrible and it is probably going to be very difficult for you to hear and act on...but after you fume at what I am about to say, take some time to actually think about it.

You are being fucked about...BIG TIME, and that's not fair. He is going to keep playing these games with you because he has you hook, line and sinker, so he is essentially keeping you a hostage to your own feelings.

What you need to do is get away from this situation entirely, and yes, that means walk away from the greatest friend you believe you have in him, because to be quiet frank friends don't treat each other like that. You need to show him that you are your own person and that you don't need this bullshit in your life.

One of 2 things are going to happen:

1) you lose him as a friend, but that would be his loss and not yours.

2) Giving him the cold shoulder and distancing yourself from his is going to be like a bitch slap. You know the old saying 'You don't know what you've got till it is gone.'?
Well, it could be the wake up call he needs to learn that you want honesty and not fartarsed around with your emotions and he will either learn to behave like a friend and not a flirtatious slut dragging you into his game or he will learn what may be hiding inside him.

This won't take a day or two, it could take weeks because there is a process with his own sexuality that he needs to go through, he is very confused.

Now I am not saying 'Walk away and forget him', 'I'm saying take 20 steps back, don't let him flirt with you, don't get into long text message sessions, be polite when he talks to you, but don't say and thing more than you NEED to.
Sounds like X is trying to figure out his sexuality. There can me a multitude of factors involved and, it might be difficult for him to accept it. All you can do is be supportive and patient, and don't push for romance, let him sort himself out, and just be there for him.
This does sound as though X is adapting his own feelings and sexuality, and yes he knows you are there for him if he decides on that route. Come away from being romantically inclined with him and seek out someone else. You sound as though you're good friends, perhaps that's all you are destined to be.

Speak with him and say you like the closeness of the friendship however the physical contact isn't appropriate, it's appreciated but not appropriate if you're to be friends. Explain again you think you have feelings for him but feel confused with his come one gestures that lead to a dead end.
I'm just afraid that since there's this girl who he's also at odds with if I back off he'll just move on with her and forget about me. It's just confusing because even though this has all been very recent, he shows absolutely no signs of acknowledging any sort of a change in our dynamic and is going on as if nothing ever happened, as in he both continues to flirt and try to have long text conversations, etc., but still never brings up the topic of how he feels, even when I've offered to be there for him if he wants to talk multiple times...
Some people don't talk much about really personal things and, some take a really long time to get to that stuff. We each deal with emotions and difficult things differently. He may need to work it out internally before he can talk about it. Don't force the issue, just be a friend, and let him come to it in his time.
Ok, so what would you guys suggest I do? Just wait it out? If the chance presents itself when we are alone should I take the time to tell him how I feel about how he's acting, or would that be too pressing?
high school is not a big gay affirming institution. Congratulations of your being out, its a great thing for your self. I bet there are few guys like you. I hope you realize you need to move on. Leave your friend as is and enjoy his closeness. Find a proper giving lover in the mean time.

the thing I want to say is:
-unlike your friend you need to love the one your with. If and when you find that someone you have to find a way to avoid receiving his mixed signals and treat him as a friend. No reason to loose him as a friend.
-I find your friend a bit of a flirt. What makes you think he will treat you any different than his girl friends. He will cheat on you in your big gay relationship with him.
I remember high school crushes, ah the memoriesRolleyes. I had a close friend that would flirt with me like that, we even fooled around multiple times, he even tried to kiss me a few times. then the next day its like he had amnesia and didn't remember anything that happened so I thought to myself "well f this, this guy is psycho". we remained friends and still fooled around sometimes but I knew nothing more could come from it so I just left it at that. you have to learn how to control your emotions is what I'm trying to get at, (sorry I'm not good with words) and take the relationship for what it is. plus you could be finding someone that is willing to start a relationship with you instead of waiting forever for him to make up his mind and possibly make him a little jealousWink and keep in mind that some people will not figure out their sexual orientation until later on in life (late 20's and beyond), I doubt you would want to wait that long.
Quote:About a year ago, he started dating this girl, and they quickly became talked about because both of them admitted to never really doing anything of a sexual nature with each other, which struck most people as pretty odd.

He's a surgeon, that ain't right - he's a sturgeon.... no that ain't right either, what is that very rare, near mythical creature in the world? - not a unicorn, those are dime a dozen - oh a VIRGIN!!!!!

I did 'date' in high school, girls - but only to keep up appearances and I always made a deal about my being a gentleman and that my parents wanted me to wait until marriage. Well that was the lip service I paid to the lie. When a girl got pushy I suddenly found myself 'pursing' another girl - "Oops, sorry, did I forget to mention I have a thing for Wendy?"

I didn't date boys and as far as I knew boys were off the menu. Different times, different place, gay/bisexual was just not an option.

When I was 24 I was still a virgin. Then I met Robert. Aside from the initial impact of the flood of emotions of 'attraction' I had - some I hadn't had for anyone else to that point, there was the terrible fear that once we did 'it' I was committed to a path which I couldn't turn away from.

I struggled with the emotions and choices. I spent six months trying to balance out 'wants' against 'needs', trying to resolve logic errors between what society demanded out of me and what my heart wanted.

It took about 6 months before I was willing to go to his place and open myself up for 'it'.

Sex was the defining act. I flirted a little, enjoyed those all to brief moments of physical contact with him (like the leg touching thing) and the jokes and the smiles... but Sex lurked there between us - my fear of what it would mean if I did 'it'.

I was a bit more experienced in the ways of the world at 24 than when I was in high school. I also had a bit more knowledge since I did the whole college and university thing and had been exposed to the LGBT culture through work-related projects.

Had Robert entered my life when I was in high school I most likely would be taking a lot longer to resolve those logic conflicts and struggle with the whole thing for years.

I suspect that X is gay/bi but is terrified to commit to an act that may lead to sex. Sex is the point of no return. I also suspect that he is a virgin and is surrounded by the tales of sexual exploits that is common in high school and feels 'less than' everyone else since his secret shame is he is a virgin.

I'm not going to say what you should do.

You may want to consider talking to him face to face (don't you dare use technology - no phone, no text messaging, no emailing, this is a private conversation that should be done when you two are face to face) and tell him you would like to spend more time together and that means without having sex.

Tell him you wouldn't mind the occasional cuddle - but that doesn't mean you want to go all the way (have sex).

Create a 'safe space' for him. A space where he can explore his emotional side without having to commit to the sex act. Ask him if he thinks kissing on the lips is ok. If not, then say 'we don't have to do that, I'm ok with that'.

I suspect he needs time to explore the emotional side of 'gay' relationships to get a better idea of what he really wants.

Sure to people in the know and who are comfortable about their own sexuality is is evident that he is gay/bi. He may not see it that clearly and may feel that as long as he doesn't have sex with a guy he can still 'choose' straight.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

[Image: 57929.jpg?v=1]

Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
Star I'm always. Anonymous 4 329 10-11-2020, 11:02 AM
Last Post: Cridders88
  Presumably straight acquaintance... been chatting for months online. Need advice! cardini89 8 439 07-03-2017, 12:31 PM
Last Post: cardini89
  Newly out as bi - Need advice on my first guy dating experience! newtothis32 15 718 07-02-2017, 11:14 PM
Last Post: Camfer
  my story continues sam 0 114 07-01-2017, 05:04 AM
Last Post: sam
  I'm lost in chaos, need some advice Aquarius 4 325 06-29-2017, 05:54 AM
Last Post: Bowyn Aerrow

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)