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Finally got around to joning
#21
fredv3b Wrote:Perhaps she still has the ideas and values she was brought up with, but isn't prepared to reject her son over them?


It seems that your lack of dating women is beginning to worry him. While I, generally speaking, would not agree with never telling your father, you need to choose the time carefully. Perhaps waiting till you have found yourself a good man and are happy with him? You would then be successful, happy and whatever stories he may have heard regarding endless casual gay sex clearly don't apply to you. You may be in a better position to convince him, not to regard your homosexuality as a personal failure, and perhaps to see you success and happiness in life as a personal success (even if it wasn't quite what he had in mind).

I think you're right on both accounts.

My father has said things like "well the only thing that's important to a father is that his son is happy." He's actually said the word "partner" before to me which is also a pretty big indicator.

He flat out asked me if I was gay about 2 years ago. At the time I was in denial so I said no.

in fact I've been in denial for a very long time. I was one of those hyper straight I'm only saying this for myself types that would randomly say "man I sure do love women!" .. for seemingly no reason. guh.. what a terrible existence.

Yea, ya know that's one thing that I actually joined this place for.. to help me find peace of mind in the "gay community" in so far as getting away from the popular culture image of homosexuals.. casual gay sex, rampant diseases etc. I was raised to believe in the traditional family and was taught abstinence and.. for obvious reasons.. have adhered to it's principles. I considered myself an average non-church going christian. Now all of a sudden of sorts.. that religion that was supposedly all inclusive now says I'm an abomination, a sinner and an insult to god.. and.. my abstinence that was supposedly so important is not unachievable thanks to state law.

At any rate.. I still want to be in a monogamous relationship and pursue the normal "boy meets boy" kind of thing.. I want nothing to do with "rent boys" or adult ads on CL or any of those types of things.. it's just deplorable!.. and tbh has gotten me down about the community that I am inevitably a part of.
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#22
The MOST interesting introduction to date (read by me). LMAO. I umm, am still laughing. I am delighted you "finally" decided to join us. Here, is an awesome bunch of people. I still don't get the denial, or latent thing, but I do understand them. Well WELCOME, and have yourself a happy time here.
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#23
Aaycle Wrote:The MOST interesting introduction to date (read by me). LMAO. I umm, am still laughing. I am delighted you "finally" decided to join us. Here, is an awesome bunch of people. I still don't get the denial, or latent thing, but I do understand them. Well WELCOME, and have yourself a happy time here.

I'm afraid I don't understand?

thanks though.
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#24
Yeah, most people don't understand my rants. I understand, one's need to keep who you are from people that will be monumentally condemning, because you just don't want the bullshit, rejection, or feelings of depression, etc. I know this. I also know latency... a need to finally stop living a lie and get on with who you are, for the sake of happiness, peace of mind, and self-respect. But what perplexes me, is your statement of "I'm 29.. just found out as of about a year ago (wow.. actually this month..) that I was gay.". You didn't say, coming to terms, ready to admit to myself, or otherwise any thing in the same vein. You said "found out that I was gay" which indicates a sexuality identity given to you by some serendipitous occasion. Which is not true as you have suspected, and struggled with this for years. That is why I loved your intro. I know it is hard coming to terms with your society condemning difference. But, HERE, there is no condemnation. And, therefore you can be honest here. We, will not judge you, unless you ask us too. And, in your intro. it is obvious you find it difficult coming to terms with being a homosexual, so you polished your self-revelation of homosexuality, with less than forthcoming words. I loved it, I found it fascinating!
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#25
Dville118 Wrote:I considered myself an average non-church going christian. Now all of a sudden of sorts.. that religion that was supposedly all inclusive now says I'm an abomination, a sinner and an insult to god.. and.. my abstinence that was supposedly so important is not unachievable thanks to state law.

May I ask which church you didn't go to? Have you considered not going to a different church? Perhaps one that is more gay-friendly?

If I were you I wouldn't get upset by defunct laws that nobody has bothered repealing.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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#26
Aaycle Wrote:]Yeah, most people don't understand my rants. I understand, one's need to keep who you are from people that will be monumentally condemning, because you just don't want the bullshit, rejection, or feelings of depression, etc. I know this. I also know latency... a need to finally stop living a lie and get on with who you are, for the sake of happiness, peace of mind, and self-respect. But what perplexes me, is your statement of "I'm 29.. just found out as of about a year ago (wow.. actually this month..) that I was gay.". You didn't say, coming to terms, ready to admit to myself, or otherwise any thing in the same vein. You said "found out that I was gay" which indicates a sexuality identity given to you by some serendipitous occasion. Which is not true as you have suspected, and struggled with this for years. That is why I loved your intro. I know it is hard coming to terms with your society condemning difference. But, HERE, there is no condemnation. And, therefore you can be honest here. We, will not judge you, unless you ask us too. And, in your intro. it is obvious you find it difficult coming to terms with being a homosexual, so you polished your self-revelation of homosexuality, with less than forthcoming words. I loved it, I found it fascinating!

lol, well I suppose I've had enough time to contemplate it that the final revelation is somewhat downplayed now huh?

my struggle with this was something that flew just below my level of conscious thought. Any feelings I felt or thoughts I had were quickly dismissed if they surfaced to my conscious mind as "sick fantasy" or envy or curiosity. I thought that I was a bad person because my thoughts would drift into such "unpure" things... but I eventually buried it within myself. After highschool I stopped trying to date in any way. Females males nothing.. I was.. asexual. I didn't talk about sex or sexual attractions, do anything that involved it etc. I just focused on my career and my material possessions..

which left me cold and unhappy....

it's not until really that I started meeting new people and moving onto other things that I finally broke free of that and started "living again" of sorts that it really all started to fall in place, and those little puzzle pieces finally formed the big picture to me.

what followed was a few months of shock, fear, horror, even sadness over a perception that something.. in my mind.. had "happened" to me.. I'd crossed the line into realization and I couldn't go back.. despite my conscious mind wanting to very badly.

I literally argued with myself in the mirror about it. I started taking vacations alone, stopped communicating with my friends and family.. I seemed to think I could escape myself... though I knew better.

Sitting staring out at the lake in my dream car hadn't felt fulfilling at all. It wasn't working.. and I knew it. I couldn't escape.. I couldn't drown my thoughts and suppress my realization with material possessions or vacations.. and it was foolish of me to try to do these things.

in reality I don't know what I was running TO.. I was only running from. What life was it that I wanted? Certainly, one would THINK it would the wife and kids thing.. the family man bacon bringer.. but.. I knew I didn't want that life, I've never wanted that life. In the end rational thought outweighed my panicked reaction and managed to calm me, though.. I admit I do occasionally have irrational panic attacks.

They literally come to my mind as "what if you're not gay and you just don't find women attractive and find men attractive?" .... then I can't help but laugh at myself..

I suppose I'm a mental wreck huh? Sad
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#27
Welcome to the forum! I didn't come to terms with my sexuality until I was 23/24 years old. It takes some time. Even right now, I'm still not really all that used to being gay.
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#28
Welcome to the site Smile
glad you joined
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#29
Thank you for your honesty, I knew you could do it!! Lol

My intent with calling you out on your conflicting emotions were to see if you were still heavily conflicted, about labelling yourself as a homosexual. Now, in this small step, you can begin to have it all.

A great loving relationship with a man, your dream car, and hopefully together you can build that dream house. Don't worry about the panic attacks too much. They will subside once you realize you are in a non-judgemental space, with understanding, loving, and accepting people.

Quote:I suppose I'm a mental wreck huh? [Image: frown.gif]

Umm, NOPE! That is merely a projection from the lies you've been conditioned to. You are a normal, loving, and caring man. It is some societies that are bizarrely wrecked.
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#30
Thanks Aaycle.

Yea, I'm still conflicted about it. My thought pattern for the longest time was "why would this HAPPEN to me?" I couldn't help but look at it as if something had changed.. well, I suppose something did.. I stopped denying it.. or at least.. the cracks in the dam that I built around this had started to leak and were growing larger so to speak.. and I couldn't deny it anymore.

heh, finding myself in a non-judgmental space is going to be difficult.

btw I sold my dream car. It's a dream car for a reason.. WOW it broke a lot lol. I had to get out of it or it would have sapped my life savings just to drive to work and back. Still, I had half a year of it..
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