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Have you ever felt unlucky in love?
#1
Hello all.

So I'm not sure about everyone else, but I feel like finding a guy is the hardest thing I will ever do. I'm a decent looking guy, albeit a little heavy, but I'm intelligent, I have a great job, I"m very mature, and I'm completely self sufficient....so why is it so hard to find a guy who is interested in ME and not just sex?

Sex is great, of course, but I'm in the crowd that's interested in more. I want to connect with someone, I want to know what it feels like to be next to someone...I wanna know what it feels like to open up to someone.

I've gone out to gay bars/clubs, tried to converse with people. I've done the online thing. Everytime something looks slightly promising, it turns out to be shit. Most recently I met a really great older guy, who was really cool. We went to his place to talk more, and that's when I found out that he's married, and his wife just travels for work a lot.

In addition I once met a really great guy, close to my age, handsome and very cool. He too was in a relationship, so he took my number but told me that he wanted to hang out sometime. Weeks later I ended up moving 3 hours away, and suddenly he calls to say "i'm out of that relationship, and i wanna try dating you"......*facepalm*

I've had a few of these near miss situations and it keeps me wondering if its something I'm doing to keep ending up in crappy situations that are over before they even begin.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? How does one find a guy who is interested in more than sex? How do you continue to feel good about yourself when its so difficult finding someone?:confused:
#2
Being single didn't bother me because I had so many other interests and was happy with my social life without a significant other. So I'd guess find something that interests you to occupy you with and have patience. With luck your new hobby or interests might also help you meet someone who has more of a connection with you than a desire to jump your bones.

And I think if I were to seriously look for a guy who wasn't just into sex I'd stay away from bars and computers, or at least approach those meat markets with extreme caution (which of course can get you to seem stuck up, or even worse, a "challenge" so that guys will try to con & seduce you for the bragging rights to other guys). I think friends would be much better at setting me up with someone...though those can lead to the dreaded blind date.
#3
Yes, until I met my soul-mate.

It didn't happen until I was thirty-five, though.
Still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.
#4
Thank you guys for sharing. I've worried about this...a lot, so your words are very much appreciated.
Thanks again!
#5
I haven't run into too many people that haven't gone through what you are dealing with right now. The truth of the matter is I don't know anyone that hasn't gone through what you are going through. In some form or another. Some worse.If you can imagine worse. Sooner or later it will all change and you will have more happening than what you can handle. In till then you should take your friend Pix advice and find a hobby or something else to do. At any rate good luck....
#6
fr0sty Wrote:So I'm not sure about everyone else, but I feel like finding a guy is the hardest thing I will ever do. I'm a decent looking guy, albeit a little heavy, but I'm intelligent, I have a great job, I"m very mature, and I'm completely self sufficient....so why is it so hard to find a guy who is interested in ME and not just sex?

Has anyone else ever felt like this? sorta..except that I've never even met anyone .lol. I haven't and won't do the online dating/hookup thing. Never been to a gay bar/club (nothing close plus I'd be too afraid to go in anyway)

How does one find a guy who is interested in more than sex? no idea on finding a guy...

How do you continue to feel good about yourself when its so difficult finding someone? A boyfriend might be nice, but I'm perfectly fine remaining single (i should probably give up even thinking about it when i hit 40 :eek: later this year...)
#7
I don't hide that I'm gay, but it isn't usually the first conversation topic when I meet a new person either. I don't want one night stands, friend sex, etc... I want a relationship. To me we'd have to be friends and share enough of the same interests and activities before I'd consider a relationship, and of course he would need to be gay LOL.

When I meet someone new, I don't even mention sexuality until I get to know them as a friend. I don't hide that I'm gay, but I don't come right out and say it either. If he does, I make it clear that I am not looking for friend sex or one night stands at all.

Needless to say, that leads to a lot of solo with my favorite fantasy or cybering with friends that are into that but, that's fine with me. It's safe, healthy and, when I do hook up, it won't be just for the sex.
#8
72jay Wrote:Has anyone else ever felt like this? sorta..except that I've never even met anyone .lol. I haven't and won't do the online dating/hookup thing. Never been to a gay bar/club (nothing close plus I'd be too afraid to go in anyway)

How does one find a guy who is interested in more than sex? no idea on finding a guy...

How do you continue to feel good about yourself when its so difficult finding someone? A boyfriend might be nice, but I'm perfectly fine remaining single (i should probably give up even thinking about it when i hit 40 :eek: later this year...)

I dont think you should feel like turning 40 would stop you from finding something worth while. The word on the street is that there is someone out there for everybody! Its just such a process digging through all the b.s. to find that someone...its easier for some than others. I assume, then, that we are the others, lol.

What makes you afraid to go inside of a gay establishment? I used to feel similar, but then you realize that the only thing to be afraid of is being seen....and you have just as much right to be seen as everyone else, right? You seem like a pretty interesting guy, and i'm sure you've got a lot to share/give. Try not to rob yourself of that opportunity!Confusedmile:
#9
I am the "never say never" opinion when it comes to finding someone, and do totally believe the "there is someone for everyone" saying, but at the same time I see 40 as old and a time to pretty much give up(probably shouldn't but I do)...

I'm not out (don't wish to be. plus even if I wanted to be, can't due to where I live). I'm also fairly shy and not real good with the whole social interaction thing.

As for going into a gay establishment...Yeah its fear/nervousness...
Part of it is ofcourse the risk on being seen inside, and/or going in. (going alone is another big one)
But also going into a bar when you can't/don't drink, what would you do ?


That all said...I had the same fears/feelings of being seen/going alone on this:
I went to the Pridefest's in Denver and Boulder for the 1st time last year
and those feelings totally went away once I arrived even with tons of people there Smile
(in reality a risk I shouldn't take, but since I don't live in either city and really wanted to go I did. I also must say did enjoy it)

I see gay establishment vs the above as being different/more scary LOL
Something like Pridefest you can just go walk around/and watch the bands/entertainment/or whatever, and people probly won't even notice you. But in a bar/club I see it as you're allot closer to others, someone might notice you/you might actually have to interact with someone...
(I'm also totally clueless on anything dating/relationship related or even something as simple as being hit on)

Maybe some of my fears are unfounded like they were with attending Pridefest I don't know.
(this spring I went to the the Denver Pridefest again, and the parade too...while cool to see the parade I won't risk again because I almost ended up outing myself to my mother :eek: I'm somewhat tempted to go to Boulder's Pridefest this fall...but deff gotta be carefull)
#10
I wish I was that lucky, but I'm very shy and not into the bar/club scene. Plus it's hard to tell if a guy is just being nice or into you, and you dont't know which ones will over react if you ask if they are gay/bi. So now I'm just hoping to have at least one serious relatiomship before I die.


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