How to avoid being stood up

[MFax74]

Hello all,

I have a question. I've been talking to this really nice guy, via phone and text. We made plans the other night to meet for coffee--place, time, all good. As of now, it is set for tomorrow evening (Friday).

I say hi via text today, eventually I ask "we still good for coffee tomorrow?" After a while he responds with "sure." I say "I look forward to meeting you." He says "I'm kinda nervous."

I assured him I'm a nice guy, easy to talk to, etc... He replied with "we'll see." Then I told him I appreciate his honesty and he replied with "lol."

So now I'm concerned he's not serious... Which, okay, whatever. People get cold feet, have anxiety, are shy, etc....

But we've got a good 24 hours before we "meet." So figured I'd ask. I've been stood up before, and I almost want to just say "hey, are we good to go? Just let me know because I don't want to waste my time." In so many words.

Obviously, I am planning on this date. What could I do to confirm he will/won't show up?

Thanks all. If this date ends up NOT happening then your advice can also be used for future first dates...

EDIT: I should mention I've been stood up before... And was NOT expecting it at the time. This time I am half expecting it, but would like to avoid it if possible.

[InbetweenDreams]

Hmm...well this has happened to me too. Unfortunately the only way to tell if he is going to show up is wait and see. I have talked to guys who seemed a bit flaky follow through, and I have had guys who seemed great, talked a bout a bunch of stuff, thought we had some common ground and then they don't show up or cancel 30 minutes before we're supposed to meet. I have a lot of angering stories about getting stood up but here's my advice overall...

Don't get too serious about guys you're just messaging back and forth. If you make it to the 2nd and 3rd date and things are going well then it's pretty obvious he's serious and they like you well enough to keep things going. But a lot of times if you're just making small talk it really becomes hard to tell, sometimes trying to find out might make you come off a bit clingy or weird, so it is better to go with the flow and don't take it too seriously. There's a bunch of crap in the flower bed...

Hope that helps some.

[Camfer]

Have you video chatted with the guy? That can eliminate a lot of no shows. If someone is not willing to skype, that's a red flag right there.

One reason you can get stood up is someone uses fake/not current pics and then actually does show up at the date, but leaves when he sees you're real and he's not.

The best way to not care about getting stood up is to propose something together that you enjoy doing on your own. Then if the guy doesn't show, you just keep doing what you're enjoying, no big deal.

[InbetweenDreams]

Hmm I've never asked a guy to do a skype call or vice versa... I have seen guys use old pictures though...that's probably the most common offense... I mean I don't like to do selfies so I have pictures that are 6 months, 1 year old and what not...I look about the same.

[Borg69]

He's nervous. Give the guy a break. You're coming on a little strong pushing him to commit to meeting you. Give him 3 strikes.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=21075]Borg69[/MENTION] That's what I was thinking and I've done it myself a time or two. I get a little too excited and worked up...

[Insertnamehere]

Leave it be.

If you push it further you'll scare him away.

Theres plenty of reasons for a no show and most of them are not under your control.

You'll have to wait and see if he shows up.

[MFax74]

He's nervous. Give the guy a break. You're coming on a little strong pushing him to commit to meeting you. Give him 3 strikes.

Hm... You're right, but... I don't believe I'm coming on strong. If I acted on my thoughts in my first post, then I would be, but I'm not pushing him. I think the fact that he's nervous is what prompted me to start this topic--he seems really sweet and intelligent and I think it would be an awesome date.

Also... I feel silly asking, but what do the 3 strikes refer to? Sometimes my mind is a little slow on the uptake. D:

Skype is an interesting idea, but honestly I don't know if a lot of guys would be down.

I'll just let him know when I'm on my way to the coffee shop tomorrow... Cross my fingers.

[Cridders88]

The idea of talking to someone on a screen fills me with more fear than meeting them for a coffee.

Indeed, awkward silences are just killer. If the other guy is chatty and not nervous then it is not so bad. If you are both nervous and those awkward silences come, it for some reason makes me panic.

[Cridders88]

Hm... You're right, but... I don't believe I'm coming on strong. If I acted on my thoughts in my first post, then I would be, but I'm not pushing him. I think the fact that he's nervous is what prompted me to start this topic--he seems really sweet and intelligent and I think it would be an awesome date.

Also... I feel silly asking, but what do the 3 strikes refer to? Sometimes my mind is a little slow on the uptake. D:

Skype is an interesting idea, but honestly I don't know if a lot of guys would be down.

I'll just let him know when I'm on my way to the coffee shop tomorrow... Cross my fingers.

3 strikes essentially means 3 chances. Sometimes things crop up or something unexpected happens. But more than 3 times means time to move on.