Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
I really need advice please help!!!
#1
IF YOU DONT WANNA READ THE WHOLE THING READ THE CAPS LOCKS AT THE BOTTOM

So i met this guy on grindr like a few days ago, and he was really nice, ladidida, you know how it goes.
Basically, we skyped a bit and then during the convo i realised how like, clingy he was. He was saying how he wanted to fly me to san francisco with him on a business trip, he wanted me to move in, skype him every day and take me out to dinner all the time... I was like wow man, i barely know you, this is weird.
Next day, i tell him it was really nice to speak to him but id rather not stay in touch and just move on, made some excuse how he was a great guy but i just didnt feel it or something. Like an idiot, i'd told him where i lived the day before coz he was gonna take me out (dont lecture me on how dangerous that shit is, i know already.) And he got really mad and said that he would screenshot the convos we'd had (most of which were not exactly PG) as well as some pictures id sent him and he would send them in the mail to my parents with no name so they'd open it and see it. (i live with them)
I was taken back and said, wow man, you're taking this way out of proportion, it's fine if we're friends i just dont think there's anything between us, im fine with seeing you couple times a month if you like but you know...
So now, im having lunch with him on thursday, and im actually a little bit freaked out. I've talked to him heaps, i know he's not mean and won't hurt me, but like, he's talking about the same things as before, like moving in and stuff, and i just want to forget about him...

BASICALLY, DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF A GUY WHO IS THREATENING TO EXPOSE YOU TO YOUR PARENTS (AND HE WILL DO IT), WITHOUT CAUSING SHIT TO HIT THE FAN
#2
You cant wipe a person off the face of the earth without possibly facing murder charges...
You should tell your parents you are being blackmailed...
Maybe time to come out?
#3
Short of going to your parents (not a bad idea, btw), you can go to the authorities. Not sure whether it would be the police, child services (or whatever the Australian equivalent is) or what. The point is, if someone is blackmailing you and 'forcing' themselves upon you in ANY WAY, this is harassment and *could* lead to something worse. This is not a 'nice person' and you do *not* have to meet with him ever.
.
#4
MikeW Wrote:Short of going to your parents (not a bad idea, btw), you can go to the authorities. Not sure whether it would be the police, child services (or whatever the Australian equivalent is) or what. The point is, if someone is blackmailing you and 'forcing' themselves upon you in ANY WAY, this is harassment and *could* lead to something worse. This is not a 'nice person' and you do *not* have to meet with him ever.

Will: Mike is on target here. The guy is a stalker. DO NOT make the mistake of assuming that he is harmless and won't hurt you. Adam kept saying that about a stalker he had a while back - right up until the guy showed up and tried to run me over. Stalking and harassment are illegal. I would urge you not to meet him, it isn't safe.
#5
Take Mike's advice and report this to the police. I am trying to figure out how you can say he is not mean, yet he threatened to blackmail you by going to your parents. That's is a prime example of meanness and it is stalking.

Unfortunately for you, I think you really need to consider telling your parents as suggested by Anocxu. You can report this to the police and they can talk to him and perhaps get a court to issue what ever equivalent you have in Australia to a personal protection order, The actions, however, short of physically restraining and muzzling him, do not absolutely prevent him from going to your parents. While they can do what they can to discourage him, it doesn't mean he will listen even if it meant he was breaking the law. The process of going to the police and then possibly going to a court, also prevent some difficulty of trying to do this and keep this from your parents when your official address is your parent's home. As long as your parents do not know about your sexual orientation, you will have to always live with the possibility he could say something, even a year from now when this is out of your mind. Having that talk with your parents is the only sure way to remove this threat.

On this subject and something to say to not just the OP but the larger closeted community at large, when you live in the closet but have put one foot into the gay world, you are forever at the mercy of someone else and in a way handed some control of your personal life over to other people. You can run into a mean spirited person who threatens to expose you, a mean spirited person who doesn't bother to threaten you and just does it, or you can run into a person who unknowingly exposes you having just assumed your family knew. There is also the possibility of them finding out by accident, like a browser tab left open or looking at your phone you just laid on the table. The closet comes with risks.
#6
Oooooohhhhh...this is my boiling point area....

When I was a little kid...and then as an adult.... and someone threatened to "tell on me" or blackmail me in any way......I IMMEDIATELY told on myself and then I confronted them and they were lucky if I didn't kick their ass or much much worse......

I would tell your parents immediately that you are gay and then tell pyscho boy to bring it on.....

Turn the tables on him. He is playing a power and control game with you...so take his power over you away from him.
#7
I agree with everyone else here. This guy is bad news and will continue to blackmail you to get what he wants.

You need to put a stop to this immediately before he does anything else to you. It's time to tell your parents that you've been messing around with a gay guy online and things have gotten out of hand and you need help.

Don't let this guy talk you into meeting him. Do not get into his car,,, and don't talk to him any more. He's not mentally stable and there's no telling what he will do to you or your family.

If I was you,, I'd tell your parents right away,, then with your parents help - contact the police.
We Have Elvis !!
#8
You need to tell your parents everything. You really need help with this. What if he kidnaps you or something?!
#9
well you obviously DON'T know how dangerous it is to give a guy like that your address so you're gonna get a lecture on this -- that was a stupid thing to do! you can't possibly physically get together with someone like that, but now he knows where you live. brilliant.

i don't really want to scare you any more than that but you're actually in a serious shit right now. you could have a lot more to worry about than just your parents getting some dirty screenshots where you have a starring role. seriously, what the fuck where you thinking? it didn't occur to you to tell him to meet up at the restaurant instead of forwarding him your address? that's basic common sense man.

okay. look, you don't have a lot of options. giving in to anything he wants is NOT an option. but there are some things you need to think about. for one, this guy has an obsessive personality. obsessive personality means, it doesn't matter whether you avoid him or meet with him, eventually it'll lead to the same end result -- unless you plan on doing everything he wants at one point you're gonna have to cut him loose and he'll react the same way as he reacted now -- with threats and blackmail to try to hang on to you. you'll still be in the same place just much worse because you've stressed yourself to put up with this shit. you cut him loose now, and you watch out for anything unusual at home. your parents finding out is one thing, but him starting to show up at your house, following you, anything like that is much much worse. this is why you don't give strangers your home address -- to avoid having to worry about shit like this. it's obvious the guy is out of his mind. sending a letter to your parents is probably the least harmful thing he can do right now.

just cut contact with him. you can't reason with someone like that. and talking to him, continuing interacting with him, that can get him even more invested in hanging on to you. it can be dangerous depending on just how screwed up this guy is, but this is the best option you've got. stop interacting with him and hope he doesn't show up. if he does show up at your place unannounced or tries to talk to you that's a sign that things can get a lot worse. if he shows up at your place, then you're really in trouble. you'll have to actually start thinking about how to physically defend yourself from this guy. see exactly how dangerous it was to give him such information? just hope i'm blowing this way out of proportion and he's just some weirdo who hopes to get more attention from you and will give up once you stop entertaining him. hope that's the case. because that is the best case scenario.

one more thing, you have to accept that your parents finding out about you is not a disaster. no matter how bigoted they might be or not. start preparing for that possibility too. what you're gonna say to them when they find out, and get a backup plan if you need to move out, things like that. if he decides to send them that information, there's nothing you can do to avoid that.
#10
Start tossing lies here and there to confuse everyone. If you do a good job at this, the waters will be so muddy that no one will know what to believe and what to not believe.

Or you can tell your parents some freak is spreading rumors about you and to not believe them.

Or you can come out to your parents and maybe they already know this about you.


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Presumably straight acquaintance... been chatting for months online. Need advice! cardini89 8 420 07-03-2017, 12:31 PM
Last Post: cardini89
  Newly out as bi - Need advice on my first guy dating experience! newtothis32 15 709 07-02-2017, 11:14 PM
Last Post: Camfer
  I'm lost in chaos, need some advice Aquarius 4 311 06-29-2017, 05:54 AM
Last Post: Bowyn Aerrow
  Grindr texting advice needed ... Sherman8D 8 453 06-28-2017, 12:01 AM
Last Post: Delishes
  Relationship Advice? kidchameleon 15 553 06-07-2017, 06:19 AM
Last Post: kai35

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)