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Love Triangle Dilemma
#1
This is somewhat a novel, so if you actually read it all, thank you! It's just, there's a lot of little details. :/

So it all starts at this club...
I see this guy. He's just my type, he's tall, blonde. Super attractive (to me anyways). I have enough liquid courage in me to approach him confidently, and turns out he was eyeing me the whole night too. We hit it off, and over the next two months we start dating. And to keep things from becoming confusing, I'll call him M.
Now, he filled me in on his "crazy ex", whom I was to stay away from. Because he's crazy, right? I'll call this guy J. We go out one night and there's J, staring us down. J comes over and starts this huge fight thing, and I try to keep them off each other. Anyways, after that ordeal we go both go home. To our own places. Which is odd because we usually just spend the night at my place.
The next day, I don't hear back from M, all day. Also odd, because we can never really stop texting each other during work/school. Come 9:00pm, he texts me, in a nutshell, he's getting back with his ex... I was a little heartbroken.
They date for two months, then breakup. Big surprise that M comes crawling back. -_-
I allow it, but I never really got over his behavior two months prior. To make up for it though, he comes back to my hometown with me to meet my family. Him and my mother develop this bond that i cant even explain. It was a little frightening how much they liked each other. So this new relationship lasts about two weeks before I get a message from J. It's a super long apology and a friend request on Facebook follows. I tell M, and he says to block J and never talk to him. I keep the friend request standing, because in J's apology, he doesn't seem like a psycho. A day later, I see M messaging my other gay friend on Facebook. Little cute things like "you make me so happy". Lame. So I do a little digging, and sure enough, those two are starting something behind my back. So I decide to do some backstabbing myself. I accept J's friend request, and the next thing you know, we actually become friends. Then J tells me things about M that really make M look like a shady bitch. I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. Anyways M finds out me and J became friends, and explodes in my face. Then I call him out on his sneaky behavior.
The end result was me and J staying friends, and M out of the picture.
For another two months, me and J became really good friends. Wingmen at the bar, movie buddies, and we were both in college, so we helped each other with homework and whatnot. But we weren't interested in each other.
The time comes when J and M (surprisingly) get back together. So here I am, now furious with J. Disgusted with M. Shockingly, this reunion between the two lasts three weeks.
Then next thing you know, both are messaging me apologies and sending me little gifts like flowers, J even gave me a ring. They actually start fighting over me.
But I never had feelings for J. And no friend of mine has ever pulled anything like he has. So I pay no attention to what he has to say. But M, I have a weakness for. So now I'm very cautiously, spending time with him. Not giving him the wrong idea that we're dating. But he says everything was a mistake, it was all his fault, he wishes he just stuck it out with me. He says we fit perfectly, he loves me, and it hurts him to know he caused me so much trouble.
At the time this all sounds very sweet, and I kind of bought it. But I'll always feel he'll always be a shady guy. Like, how could I not be suspicious? Anyways, this is where I'm at. Considering M again. And J I haven't heard from in a while. Its safe to say I could care less about J. He is a little crazy I think. But, I know I might seem...desperate? Or my decisions may be clouded by emotions. I don't know. Which is why I need advice on the matter.
Be as upfront as you can, because I really need to know if this is a stupid idea, or if I should give the guy one last chance. Thanks!
#2
This reminds me of "drama couples" we seem to have in the lesbian community. Put short & sweet this is a couple that remains a couple but often breaks up with each other for short periods and gets a third party (in this case, you) involved that they can fight over. The one involved with the third person typically loves to tell horror stories of their so-called ex and make the person they're cheating with feel they're rescuing the partner. This creates drama which is the glue of their (the actual couple) relationship and they realize how much they love and want each other. This can range from like one who flirts with others to make her girlfriend jealous (thus going through the process in a single night) to those who take months to go through it (but like the one nighters, they do it over and over again).

In short, if they're pretty much doing the same thing then you are an accessory that they're using to keep their relationship strong (as they require drama). Neither one is interested in you, only in using you to bond with the other.

Why do some people require drama? As I understand it some need it because they always expect it anyway and feel extremely nervous until the "foot drops" and so they make the foot drop themselves. Others just need an extreme poke to feel their emotions, like feeling they're about to lose their lover (or be lost) to feel love and appreciation.
#3
WOW
this is like a gay version of a movie "HeartBeats"
#4
Neither J nor M know what the want. Or maybe they do...?

It is not going to end well. I would strongly suggest you unfriend them... Neither are 'trustworthy' neither care about your feelings.

Find yourself a nice boy, one who isn't into drama and who won't leave you to try his ex over and over again.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#5
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:It is not going to end well. I would strongly suggest you unfriend them
i agree; way too complicated prone to bad. Hit reset and restart with a new bf.
#6
Yup. Maybe they're a drama couple, or maybe they're both relationship-morons. Either way, wash your hands and be done with it because it's not gonna stop.

You won't be missing anything and they're gonna get over it pretty fast, sorry to say. They'll find someone else to replace you, because that's just how they're gonna act.
#7
Walk away from both of them and don't look back. You are being dragged into their shit and every time you go back to one of them you are continuing to allow yourself be dragged through the shit. To me it sounds like your are the rose between two pricks...errr THORNS.

They are NOT your friends.
They are NOT your potential dates.
YOU are a pawn in their petty games.
#8
I think I have some good advice for you...and it comes from years of hands on experience watching these things unfold and being played out in front of me....

...when someone tells you something nasty about their ex or even another person....listen CLOSELY as they are revealing more about themselves than they are the other person...doesn't mean what they are saying is not true but it helps to be an impartial listener so you can actually hear them.....

...the second thing...NEVER agree with one BF or lover when they are speaking badly about the other...NEVER! This is why...it is manipulative and when they get back together they will make YOU the villain! I worked in a gay bar for 20 years...I know the script better than the people playing the parts because I have seen it so many times. It is toxic and you should RUN..fast!

One other trick to beware of...when one person tells you intimate details about another they may be trying to get you to repeat it to the other person in order to control the other person...keep it to yourself. This is the product of jealousy and the desire to control and the one guy obviously got jealous when he saw you with his ex. They are using you in a game.

No matter what someone says about someone else in a relationship...they BOTH bring something to the table to contribute to whatever mess they are speaking about....you can count on it.
#9
Dude, i have one-word advice for you: RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, you've gone back and forth with these 2 several times! One time is an islolated incident - 3 times - that's a pattern!

Chalk this up to 20-year old gay men being 20 year old gay men (that's the safe summary of what's going on) and just move on. They BOTH know how to maniupulate you and will continue to do so. I hate to say this, but really, you're just a "place holder" in their lives. YOu're a conduit for them to work out their OWN issues and you're paying the price.

I'm betting you're a fun guy with alot to offer someone - do you think EITHER of these guys is worthy of you? Now, emotionally that's going to be tough to answer, but in your heart-of-hearts you know there's no real chance for a strong, committed relationship or friendship.

2012 starts in a couple weeks, take this opportunity to move on. Tell them both that you're moving on and ask them to respect the fact that you're going to make some "space" from them. Oh, that's not a request, it's more of a statement. Then jsut do it. Move on. Don't engage them in online chats, text messages, or chats in the bar. If you see them out (together or seperately) just smile, wave and/or nod, but just go back to doing what you're doing.

TRUST ME, they will find another "friend" to play the role you currently play - its something more between THEM they have to work out!


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