Moving on

[archubbycub]

Am I doing the wrong thing by still talking to him over text messages? I mean, it's not like I'm talking to him about getting back together or begging him to change his mind. I'm not even yelling at him or sending him messages telling him how much I hate his guts. The truth is I don't hate him in fact I wish him all the best!

I'm just talking to him about the everyday things like the musical I'm in right now and the play he is working light design for. He and I have a couple of tv shows we both really like as well and I've been talking to him about those. I'm just wondering if by simply texting him about these little things I'm not hurting myself and keeping myself from moving on.

I don't cry or get upset when I text him or even think about him, but I can't help but wonder if I'm not still in the denial stage of all of this! Damn life is confusing!

[dfiant]

can't be all together a good thing. Hard to move on when there is a road block.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hey Cub,

The only advice I can offer here is that the longer you maintain contact with him, the longer it will take you to break the emotional ties you have with him, and indeed he with you.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind as they say, and a clean break, as hard as that may be, is usually the best way forward.

Best Wishes.

OlderButWiser.

[lizzielee]

To be honest...........take the advice of many others here and stop the texting for your own good. It will be hard at first but it will make it easier for you in the long run. Trust me, I know!
I know I know it's hard.....but do yourself a favour and stop texting. This will be a small step forwards to your recovery. You are important here..........and I think that by still having that communication by texting, will hinder you moving on............
take care........you can do this!

[archubbycub]

Thanks everyone! Yeah it is hard. I mean he was my very first boyfriend. I shared everything with him. Even a secret that I have not told anyone else. But I'm going to take your advice and stop texting him because I definitely want to move forward. Standing still sucks.

[archubbycub]

I just removed him from my contacts on my phone and from my friends on Facebook. Not really a big deal, I know, but I feel like that will help me in this process. That way I'm not tempted to contact him every time I see him post something on FB or send him a text when I'm on my phone.

[Bricg1970]

This is one of the most beautiful and teachings readings I have ever learned, please read it and find why:

CLOSING CYCLES.- Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

[archubbycub]

Thank you Bricg! That was very poignant! There are some things he gave me that I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of. A scarf and a replica of a wand from the Harry Potter movies that he brought me back from Florida. I wanted to give them back to him but he told me to keep them. I know I need to get rid of them but I just don't know how!

[archubbycub]

Just found a letter I wrote to him not long after things started getting serious between us. In it I expressed to him all the feelings I had for him, even telling him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I probably shouldn't have read it, but I did and surprisingly I made it through it without crying. I thought about some how getting it to him, but then I thought better of it. So I ripped it to shreds and threw it away. Kinda proud if myself for having the strength to do that. Now if I could just do that with the stuff he gave me.

[Blue]

Well, why not baby steps? Box or bag the stuff he gave you but, keep it until you can get rid of it.