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My "straight" friend?
#1
I am gay and out and single. A guy with whom I have been relatively close friends for a little over a year confuses me a bit. He's good looking and presents himself as straight. He's a bit of a womanizer and often recounts how many women he has slept with etc. I don't believe he is lying.

We used to spend a lot of time together: hang out 2-3 times per a week; talk on the phone 3-4 times a day; frequent texts and emails

There have been a few incidents that have confused me.

For instance:

1) One time he volunteered that he wore briefs and then dropped his pants to show me. I told him I know what briefs look like.

2) We used to go to the movies often together. He selected a French film that was advertised that it was about a murder in a gay cruising area. Halfway thru the film he got up to leave because he said he was uncomfortable.

3) Over dinner he told me that he keeps some pot in his apartment to "lure" women back to his place (ie suggests to a date that they go back to his place to smoke). After the dinner we were walking towards his places and he said "Do you want a puff?" I declined.

4) He recently met a woman and her gay friend on the street and they started chatting. The woman and her friend went to a gay bar and he went with them. He claimed that he left after a few minutes. But the next day, he asked if we could walk by the bar to see what it was called.

There are more instances.

The reason why I am posting is that I am very confused. He knows I am gay, so I don't know if he's just playing with me or looking for me to make a move (which I am very reluctant to do since he is always talking about his female conquests and I truly do not think he is lying). He's 35 and single - but as I said, he is always hooking up with women. And this weekend he is flying across the country to see a 26 year old girl he met (and slept with) earlier this summer. They have been talking everyday for the last 6 weeks and that's one reason why he is speaking less frequently with me.
#2
NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!! there needs to be a golden rule for all gay guys, don't chase after him unless you know he likes guys. a lot of guys are just comfortable with their sexuality and see nothing wrong with doing those things. others are either using you as a test subject or like the attention, either way no real relationship will come from this. plus while you're waiting for some sort of answer you miss out on other available gay/bi guys that are looking for a relationship.
[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]
Life sucks then you die 
#3
Excellent and sage point!
#4
Two reasons to not pursue this. First, you could just be wrong. Second, if he is gay or bi and is in the closet, you could bring unwanted pressure in his coming out process, something that is more difficult for some than it for others. If this is like most of these many straight guy threads, you are going to see people saying to go for it. I don't agree. If someone is struggling with his orientation and has remained in the closet, the last person he needs assisting him with this process is someone who's motive is a sexual or romantic interest.
#5
you are treading into things because of wishful thinking.
#6
Leave it alone. Especially if he is a closet case.They only confuse you. Believe me,I've dealt with closet cases before and it was hell on earth.
#7
i wouldn't make a move on him while he is busy chasing after women. he's 35, he should be able to figure out what it is he wants. if he wants sex with you, he knows you're gay and where to find you.

from what you describe, at best he looks like maybe curious, at worst he's completely straight and just trying to be gay-friendly or something for you. even if he was maybe curious, it doesn't mean he'd go through with anything if you made a move. and i think even ''maybe curious'' is a stretch. find a guy who is a sure thing. this one, the ball is in his court if he's interested in something, not in yours.
#8
I've been the possibly-curious guy you described. Still chasing women then, I'd do goofy things like you describe and goofier. I just wanted to come out to him (and go to bed with him) but couldn't do it, even though I'd already had anonymous man-sex. Now that I'm out to him, we just laugh about it.

Having been there though, I'd strongly suggest accepting him the way he is, go about your business and let him come out on his own.
#9
Im straight and heres what I think about this.

wburg24 Wrote:1) One time he volunteered that he wore briefs and then dropped his pants to show me. I told him I know what briefs look like. when us straight guys do things like that around each other and don't think there's anything sexual about it. Hew as just treating you the way he treats his straight friends.

2) We used to go to the movies often together. He selected a French film that was advertised that it was about a murder in a gay cruising area. Halfway thru the film he got up to leave because he said he was uncomfortable. I bet he told you what made him uncomfortable but you forgot to write that. Id be real uncomfortable sitting in a theater watching gay sex scenes with a probably mostly gay audience sitting next to a guy and not a girl.

3) Over dinner he told me that he keeps some pot in his apartment to "lure" women back to his place (ie suggests to a date that they go back to his place to smoke). After the dinner we were walking towards his places and he said "Do you want a puff?" I declined. my gay roomie and I keep a bar always stocked. If I invite a girl home for a drink its usually cause Im thinking about things leading up to sex. When I invite guys or a gay over its got nothing to do with sex. Why cant you just accept hes trying to teat you the way he treats his straight guy friends? What about my gay roomie inviting a girl back home? See how stupid this is?

4) He recently met a woman and her gay friend on the street and they started chatting. The woman and her friend went to a gay bar and he went with them. He claimed that he left after a few minutes. But the next day, he asked if we could walk by the bar to see what it was called.
This doesnt mean anything. Sounds to me like you are trying to weave your own fantasies out of nothing.

Has it ever occurred to you maybe to accept him as he is at face value?
#10
StingRay Wrote:Id be real uncomfortable sitting in a theater watching gay sex scenes with a probably mostly gay audience sitting next to a guy and not a girl.

see, i don't get this. why does it make you uncomfortable when you don't have any physical attraction for men? straight sex scenes don't make me uncomfortable, they leave me cold unless the guy is hot. lesbian sex scenes don't make me uncomfortable, they leave me unmoved. if i walk out it'd be because i'm bored.

does it make a difference if you're watching gay sex scenes with a guy and not a girl? my straight friends have watched through gay sex scenes with other guys and the most remarkable reaction out of them was them laughing at the sex parts.

not questioning your sexuality here, i just seriously don't get this.


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