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Need help about partner
#1
Hi I am 24 year old openly gay male, in dec 09 a friend of mine started hanging out within a week of hanging out he told me he was curious about guys and watches gay porn. We ended up hanging out everyday and spending as much time with each other within a week of telling me we fooled around even though I knew he had a gf at the time. Within a month we began dating even though he had a gf. After 5 months of dating me his gf broke up with him cause would spend time with me and rarely saw her a few days later he broke up with me but we still would spend 24/7 with each other. But no longer started messed around, I ended up becoming homeless and had to move to the coast within a week of me being there he packed his bags and moved to the beach with me. We spent a year living there and never spent more then a few hours without each other we messed around once while there. He enrolled I to school and I got a job which was only time we where apart, one day while at work I called home and found out a girl was there I left work but time I got there she was gone but I found a condom with cum he denied having sex with her. After that day he stopped talking to her and dropped out of school and I stopped going to work because I would have a panic attack thinking he would bring her or another girl over. We ended up fighting a lot due to boredom we had nothing to do at the coast, he got a job but didn't like being away so he quit work. We began fighting again he ended up planning to move without back home without me knowing. I found out and he left that night. We went from sept till November without talking I moved back within a few weeks of him moving back, I only stayed a few weeks it was hard being that close without talking so I again moved back to the coast when I arrived I became super depressed and began drinking a lot on thanksgiving I got into a fight with my mother which I lived with and my aunt and uncle that lived in same town Cody lived in came and packed my stuff n I moved in with them. I started talking to Cody and we began hanging out I ended getting into drugs and my aunt kicked me out so I got my own place Cody started hanging out with everyday again but I got bad into drugs and are relationship wasn't what it use to be he was using me to get high but it wasn't like it use to be, so in July I again packed up and moved back to my moms I got a job right away and got clean I didn't visit Cody for at least 3 months I then would go once or twice a month to see him. I began drinking a lot due to being. Sad at the beach and in march I was hanging out with coworkers and ended up getting laced, that night ruined everything I had I lost my job, my somewhat friends an i was arrested I felt humiliated and didn't leave home for at least a month due to that night. I decided to say screw it I sold all my items worth money and left to move back to the city. From the time arrived at the city we began hanging out. I found a job and place to live and Cody would hang out with me whenever I wasn't working, I lost my job due to fighting with manager and Cody then moved in with me. This was about April 2013 to survive and have money I began messing around with older guys Cody shortly after that joined, we ended up doing this for 4 months straight which every day me and him would mess around during it as well. I ended up spending all money on him and lost my place. We both became homeless and began sleeping outside in a tent during this time Cody made sure we Ate and stayed a float best as possible I was a wreck due to never being that down and out. Cody then convinced his parents to give him there junky car which we moved into while we where sleeping in the tent and car we got closer we began cuddling at night and you could tell we would do anything for each other we slept in the car and tent for close to 5 months. I ended up applying for financial aid and student loans which in September I received, I found out a close family friend needed money for his landscaping business which I invested most of the from my loans into since then we have came up a lot in life, we no longer are homeless and have a place to live we both are part owners in the landscaping business I gave Cody half of my half, we haven't spent a hour away from each other since I lost my job we still sleep in same bed and cuddle at night not as much when we where homeless but still cuddle at night. Cody says we are not a couple once so ever but we live and act like a married couple more then some married people I know even are money is in a joint account, we have only messed around twice since Christmas which bothers me we spent four months messing around everyday, but he declines me all the time. The only time we have messed around is when I made a move which he said stop but he was hard and I didn't stop and other time I was rubbing his back and made a move and when I started giving him head I pretended like he just woke up and didn't know I was doing it until then. He has a good time every time and enjoys it but chooses to jerk off I don't understand why he declines me and rather jerk off. I have brought it up to him and he tells me that he wants pussy that he craves to have sex with a girl but he knows I can not bare to even think of him with a girl let alone tell him that he can go fuck some girl. I want to cry just thinking of him taking off for the first time In months leaving me alone and know he is fucking some tramp. Especially when he turns me down. Cody was talking to this girl we met through landscaping which he would sext and send nude pics to as well as talk about trying to get together and fuck only once did he ever try to make up a lie to try and go meet her but I knew it was a lie and he dropped it right away. When talking to this girl he tells her he loves her, wants her to have his baby's and have a nice happy life together, as well sitting there talking shit about me an stuff that I would never say about him. Then I ended up freaking out saying choose me or her he ended up not talking to her as much and now they don't talk he does once in awhile text her but nothing like before. The things I want advice on is.

1. Why does he turn me down all the time when we have messed around before lots
2. Do you think he would ever leave me for a girl
3. Do you think he will ever make us official
4. How do I get him to put out more
5. Why would he say stuff to that girl he doesn't say to me
6. Am I wrong for feeling like we are together an preventing him from girls
7. What would you do and advice from a outside view
#2
He was forced to experience kind of romance with you. He's still confused about his sexuality, he's in love with you but refuses the idea I guess. Declining you every time means he's afraid of commitment, while enjoying being around girls he doesn't love truly.

I don't believe he'd possibly leave you for any girl after all you've been through. However it's a question of time, to let him identify his own sexuality, to discover what real love means to him...

In such case, try not to expect anything from him, for maybe your relationship won't go further than a bromance (you never had sex with him right?). I hardly believe he could make you official, not to say he'll never do it.

Curious guys are hard to understand, mostly they're confused about themselves and others. I don't want to ruin your hope though, but he'll repeat hanging out with other girls...

He isn't stable from inside, I can only advise you to stay patient, help him to get through this period. I know it's a lot to ask, for your endurance of past difficulties is mainly because of him.

I'm trying to answer all your questions, I hope I could help you somehow. Have a bright journey Smile
#3
Without hearing the other guy's side of this, it's a little hard to say for sure what's going on in his head. Maybe he's confused...maybe he's attracted to both men and women...maybe he's in denial. Maybe it's a little of all three, yeah? Whichever combination it is, it sounds like he needs the time and space to figure out what he wants.

Communication is the key to -any- relationship, so talk things through, ask questions, get answers to at least those questions he -has- answers for....though his back and forth makes it sound like he may not know himself what he wants, what he needs and what is going to make him happy.

Good luck, man. I hope you both find happiness
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#4
Dude... Breathe... Relax!!!

[Image: 220px-Pilcrow.svg.png]

Use a few of these! ^^^^

I don't think your friend is gay... I think he's either bi, or gay friendly. He doesn't mind being your buddy and hanging out, and getting off now and then, but he's not relationship material.
#5
Your question: 'Why would he say stuff to that girl he doesn't say to me?'

Your answer: ' Cody was talking to this girl we met through landscaping which he would sext and send nude pics to as well as talk about trying to get together and fuck only once did he ever try to make up a lie to try and go meet her but I knew it was a lie and he dropped it right away. When talking to this girl he tells her he loves her, wants her to have his baby's and have a nice happy life together, as well sitting there talking shit about me an stuff that I would never say about him. '

...which leads to your last question: "What would you do?"

I'd walk away. What kind of love is that? It isn't.
#6
We. Have had sex many times
#7
Br3ntwhite Wrote:We. Have had sex many times

That doesn't make him romantically and emotionally attached to you.
#8
I think Borg has hit the nail on the head.

Having sex and being in love are two very different things, and while there is a connection between the two, the first one (sex) does not necessarily indicate a desire or lead to the second.

What you have here is a Friends with Benefits situation. He's your friend, and he's getting benefits from the friendship: a roof over his head, some money in the bank, and a sense of normality in his life. As others have said he's not gay, but when your life has as much turmoil as he has had, any companionship, straight or gay is still welcomed.

Now you've gotten your life together, I think you should start the process of planning to move on to the next phase of your life. One that doesn't involve Cody.

Good Luck,
ObW
X
#9
Wow...I feel bad even thinking about telling you the truth....not a good sign.

Trying to be gentle here....I think you are completely addicted to him and addictions are serious business...and very hard to overcome. At this point...I think you will have to accept that he wants to be with a girl and this might be a favor to you as you can begin to escape the addiction.
#10
East Wrote:Wow...I feel bad even thinking about telling you the truth....not a good sign..

ditto

I had difficulties getting through the whole story. Will try it again and see if the perception changes.

Nope, still not getting anything more than a Jerry Springer episode. Apologies.


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