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People are Finding Out
#1
So,

Last week I bumped into a guy who used to work in my building at a gay club. I was there last night and ran into a guy who used to the music minister at the church that I used to go to. Both times were awkward at first. The guy worked with just came and said hello and then left, but the former music minister and I spent a few hours talking and laughing. I honestly felt so good about it. It gave me a chance to get things of my chest. He shared a little bit of his story and showed me a picture of his partner for the las 7 years. It was liberating. Now, with all the good comes a worry. I've now run into two people at a gay club and this could lead to rumors. I have decent amount of trust for my former church friend and maybe the former coworker. Honestly, I am becoming more comfortable with being attracted to guys and would like to be in a relationship. But since I have never been in one or had any sexual experiences, I don't want to label myself as gay yet. How should I handle this? What would you do if this information got out?
#2
In your place I'd simply label myself as gay friendly, undecided. You are exploring your sexuality and, you happen to have gay friends. Nothing wrong with that is there? If anyone asks about those supposed rumors, you can just say "Yeah, I go to gay clubs now and then, some of my friends are gay."
#3
Blue Wrote:In your place I'd simply label myself as gay friendly, undecided. You are exploring your sexuality and, you happen to have gay friends. Nothing wrong with that is there? If anyone asks about those supposed rumors, you can just say "Yeah, I go to gay clubs now and then, some of my friends are gay."

Yep if you are bothered about people knowing your are trying to figure things out then that is the best way - you have a couple of gay friends so sometimes go to gay clubs. no biggie.
#4
your meeting these people at the club so i am betting they have the same needs as you for being there. These days people dont really care if your gay. Stay away from the wackos (which is something you should do gay or straight) and everything is fine.

Its good that you explore your feelings. You really got to come out to your self and be in a state you dont care what other people say. Before that happens gay men generally frown on closet cases as relationship material.
#5
I've been to a few different gay pride festivals and luckily never seen anyone I know at them
A couple weeks ago I went to watch a much smaller gay-related event (because someone from another forum I'm on was participating in it), again luckily didn't see anyone I know (other than the forum guy). There was an after-party for at a gay bar...that I didn't go to since I had to get home.

If any of that info ever got out it'd be a very bad thing, I honestly don't know what I'd do if it did happen...
...In reality I shouldn't even be taking those risks by going to such events...
#6
72jay Wrote:... taking those risks by going to such events.
your gay so you want to be in an affirming crowd, even just for a few hours to just be your self.

72jay Wrote:I've been to a few different gay pride festivals and luckily never seen anyone I know at them ... went to watch a much smaller gay-related event ... luckily didn't see anyone I know If any of that info ever got out it'd be a very bad thing, I honestly don't know what I'd do if it did happen ... shouldn't even be taking those risks by going to such events...
-i temper this by saying i dont know who you think you are but most or all of us here are part of the 47% that no cares about. That may be the only thing saving us. This is an age where anyone can take a pic or video. Your tagged buying gas, get groceries, walk the dog. You go to a website nytimes.com and only a small % of the content comes from the Times news paper. The reset of the stuff is un controlled. Americans think the free stuff is really for free, NOT.
-it takes a huge amount of personal bandwidth to appear straight. Your missing that space and it may make you short tempered, what ever odd behavior.
-You might let your guard down just for a short time just a few times a week and look at a guy's ass. People notice.
-people that are near you notice and suspect the single man.

I am not saying it is necessary to be out and I know your aware either way the swirl of stuff around you.
#7
pellaz Wrote:your gay so you want to be in an affirming crowd, even just for a few hours to just be your self.
probably something along that line is the best way to say it

Quote: -i temper this by saying i dont know who you think you are but most or all of us here are part of the 47% that no cares about. That may be the only thing saving us.
As to who I am all I can say that I'm an average nobody .. something nobody in the general public would care about
Its family/neighbors/co-workers that I wouldn't want finding out about that stuff

Quote: This is an age where anyone can take a pic or video. Your tagged buying gas, get groceries, walk the dog.
True there are cameras everywhere, but that recording at stores/gas-stations/city-sidewalks/etc is for the most part not released to the public (even if it was, no big deal if someone saw I went to the store and bought lightbulbs or apples or whatever LOL)
On a related note. I was looking through pictures from that event in the city I went to a couple weeks ago .. and came across one which I'm in ( :eek: f--ing scary shit :eek: ) but by looking at it you can't tell its me - I'm in the background and at the edge - I know its me since I know what wearing / exactly where I was standing (for my own knowledge I'll have to see if I got a picture of the picture-taker there).


Quote: -it takes a huge amount of personal bandwidth to appear straight.
You do what you can to keep that appearance / deny things if ever asked.

At very worst say the 'wrong' people did find out/things go bad.....assuming someone doesn't um "take care of you" then you can always find a bridge and jump (or whatever)..personally I'd rather not think about when/if that day comes....
#8
Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I figure if anyone asks, it's probably good to be somewhat honest. Although, if certain family members found out they would try to talk m out of it. So in that case I would probably say that I have some friends. If it were friends, I could actually feel more comfortable saying that I'm attracted to guys and that I'm exploring this side of me.
#9
Yes that's what my family did to me. You be strong.........say what you need to say and enjoy your life. Don't get hung up about having to do this or that......just relax and you will find the right time to say what is needed.........

All the best with it all..........


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