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People making assumptions before you even meet
#1
This post is me wanting to reach out to see if other gay guys have had this issue. Have you ever had guys make assumptions about you before you even meet them?

I feel like guys have made assumptions about me solely based on my height since I'm tall. I have some dating profiles, but there's nothing overtly sexual about them. No sexual preferences listed on my page, and no photos that are revealing or anything, fully clothed.

Here is a recent example of what I'm talking about:

This guy I matched with seemed chill and down to earth, nothing overly sexual about this guys profile either. He wrote on his profile he was into dancing (which I am to) and there was a photo of him doing a dance with a woman. So we chat for a little bit and I mention the photo of him dancing with the girl. I said "she's a lucky girl" and I meant it just as a compliment. The girl getting to dance a with a dapper guy. And this guy responded back to me with: "lol, is that what you want?"

And I was dumbfounded by his response. Like what the fuck does that even mean?

So basically I feel guys think I'm a dominant, masculine, top because I'm a tall person. And this example with the dancing guy is another example of a guy that makes an "assumption". Is there anything I can do with my online profiles to help eradicate getting assumptions from guys?
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#2
(11-12-2021, 04:08 PM)SilentFilm1988 Wrote:
And I was dumbfounded by his response. Like what the fuck does that even mean?

Exactly. What does that mean? He’s the only one who can tell you. Dating apps/online dating suffers from the problem that you can’t see someone’s face as they say something, hear the inflection etc. It’s like when you can get offended by an email off someone because they sound rude, but they had no intention to be rude, it’s just how they write. Maybe he was asking if you’d want to be dancing with him? It’s awkward getting to know someone initially through text.
Gossip is the Devil’s telephone; best just to hang up.
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#3
(11-12-2021, 04:08 PM)SilentFilm1988 Wrote: This post is me wanting to reach out to see if other gay guys have had this issue. Have you ever had guys make assumptions about you before you even meet them?

I feel like guys have made assumptions about me solely based on my height since I'm tall. I have some dating profiles, but there's nothing overtly sexual about them. No sexual preferences listed on my page, and no photos that are revealing or anything, fully clothed.

Here is a recent example of what I'm talking about:

This guy I matched with seemed chill and down to earth, nothing overly sexual about this guys profile either. He wrote on his profile he was into dancing (which I am to) and there was a photo of him doing a dance with a woman. So we chat for a little bit and I mention the photo of him dancing with the girl. I said "she's a lucky girl" and I meant it just as a compliment. The girl getting to dance a with a dapper guy. And this guy responded back to me with: "lol, is that what you want?"

And I was dumbfounded by his response. Like what the fuck does that even mean?

So basically I feel guys think I'm a dominant, masculine, top because I'm a tall person. And this example with the dancing guy is another example of a guy that makes an "assumption". Is there anything I can do with my online profiles to help eradicate getting assumptions from guys?

I think the best thing in those cases are to either correct them by telling them exactly what you told us, that you mean it as a compliment and nothing more. I think a large contributor to the problem are the stereotypes and that so many guys are looking to hookup on dating sites, even if they're aimed for those who are looking to date.

So best thing I can think of is simply state such on your profile. You don't have to put that you're "fem," if you don't classify yourself as fem, just put looking for masculine guys or however you want to word it. If people make assumptions you can correct them or tell them off. As to which you do, just depends.

That being said, it happens all the time. It's practically human nature. People read stats like height and weight and assume you're fat, anorexic, too tall or too thin, too rich, too poor. You can be judged by how you dress, might think you're a junkie or a stuck up prick. Whether people are willing to admit it or not, they're judging you, me and we do it to others based on what we see. So the best way to tackle assumptions in my opinion is head on.

Looking for guys who are worth dating and dating in general is a pain in the ass. All I can say is try not to take it all too seriously and try to enjoy yourself.
"I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime"
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