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Should i?
#1
Hello everybody. I feel really alone and sometimes depressed because of my secret. Everybody lives their lifes and happy being a part of the community. I have 3 close female friend and they believe im normal too (thats how good i can actBig Grin). But now, after all those years i want to tell someone. Im not gonna tell everybody of course. But if i can tell someone, thats gonna be one of those friends. I can wait till college, which im not really sure how can i go to a whole different country for college and even how to tell a boy who im attracted to. I'm a little worried about im gonna hide it in somewhere else too. Should i tell someone or should i wait for the one?
#2
Rumble88 Wrote:... I have 3 close female friend and they believe im normal too (thats how good i can actBig Grin). But now, after all those years i want to tell someone ...
sounds like you need, and already have the affirmation from your gf's your doing ok. Everyone has secrets, gay men just have one more, no need to share just yet if it dosnt benefit you in some way.

personally i would tell some one if i need emotional support. If your going away to college save it till then.

coming out is a personal thing. Nice to hear your doing it on your own time and for your benefit.
#3
Hey Rumble! You are who your are whether you "tell" or NOT! If "they" know or don't, so what? Once you get to college, if you find yourself in a situation where "they" assume you are straight you might tell them then, right out as a matter of fact. This practice will make it easier for you as your grow and mature to decide how to handle everyone else. Personally, I'd tell everyone before or as or just after leaving so they know when you come back. You will have developed the skills and the maturity to be you, be respectful and take no disrespect from anyone else. As you go along take care to develop and care for your supports as they will see you through without being lonely. All of the experiences, thoughts and feelings, good and bad, can help you become a wonderful adult gay man who's sexuality is no one's business except who you choose! Easy to say but probably VERY doable! Best wishes! Istanbul has both strict hatred and open acceptance similar to the US. You will be make it fine! I'll look forward to hearing how it goes here on GS!Remybussi
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#4
When you come out and to whom is entirely your decision. No rush, just do it when, where and to whom you feel safe telling. It is good to have someone you can talk with and be open with but, you're young, there is plenty of time.
#5
Thank you all for being supportive and nice. Its the only place where people told me its okay. im okay. i feel better because i can talk to you about my problems and questions. thank you all again.
#6
Rumble, it is good that you know you're gay. For others to know is maybe not always a good idea. At your age, people will tell you it's normal and they may also tell you that you'll get over it.
Maybe you will get over it, as for many boys being attracted to other boys is just a passing thing of adolescence... but it you see that you're still more attracted to boys when you are a bit older, then it may be time to come out to the people who count around you.
I agree that having a strong support group of friends (and maybe family) is important, and that is something that you can cultivate for the moment.
College sounds like a better time to come out. I don't know how difficult it is to be gay in Turkey these days, but even in countries where coming out is not much of a problem, telling people at school can still be tricky and potentially traumatising or dangerous. If you can be patient it would be best. I'm sure once you get out of school and become a student you'll find ways of approaching other men you are interested in romantically, or sexually attracted to.
#7
Usually in these matters when a person is asking 'Should I?' they are looking for someone else to decide for them.

In all honesty, I can't say what you should do in this case. I'm not you, never visited Turkey let alone live there. I have no idea of the political and social climate in your region and I have no idea what makes you tick and the full reasons why you choose to be in the closet and why you feel compelled to come out now.

I can tell you this. You are not alone in your feelings. Nearly all LGBT reach a point in their life's journey when they feel they need to come out and be who they are. Some of us do it when we are very young, some of us wait until we are near our death bed - the rest do it sometime between these two points.

Everything you are feeling about being gay(ish) - is normal. We all have had these experiences these feelings. We all worried, we all agonized, we all pondered if it was worth the risk and we all wanted someone else to tell us what we should do.

Again, I do not know the full situation you are in. If you ave conservative parents (those opposed to the whole notion of LGBT) or live in a community or society where its a definite no-no to be gay, then do not come out until you are older, and able to fend for yourself - have a roof, a job, whatever not depending on the good graces of people who might up and kick you out for being yourself.

If you are reasonably certain that the folks or who ever you feel like telling isn't going to jump up, point and scream 'Three Headed Monster!!!!' and run screaming for the hills, then maybe its time to tell them.

How do you know if others are ready or able to handle the news? You can't really tell. I have heard of ultra-conservative parents who were anti-gay, vehnantly opposed to the idea suddenly turning a new leaf when their kids came out.

I personally had what I thought was liberal minded father, after all he kept a few token gays around to demonstrate he wasn't a bigot. Imagine my surprise when he couldn't cope with my being gay (nor my brother being gay as well).

So there are no hard rules at play here. Sorry. People do strange things under different situations, more often than not they do the unexpected (and unexplained in my books).

If you are uncomfortable to the point where you can't decide for yourself, then don't push. Stay where you are and relax, don't force yourself to have to do something where you feel the risks are too great.

You are only 16. So there is really no rush come out, you have plenty of time. My Crystal ball tells me you have until age 98... Wink
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#8
Rumble88 Wrote:Hello everybody. I feel really alone and sometimes depressed because of my secret. Everybody lives their lifes and happy being a part of the community. I have 3 close female friend and they believe im normal too (thats how good i can actBig Grin). But now, after all those years i want to tell someone. Im not gonna tell everybody of course. But if i can tell someone, thats gonna be one of those friends. I can wait till college, which im not really sure how can i go to a whole different country for college and even how to tell a boy who im attracted to. I'm a little worried about im gonna hide it in somewhere else too. Should i tell someone or should i wait for the one?

Don't hide and it is no longer a secret, but at the same time you don't have to run around with a rainbow flag draped over your shoulders.

Just be yourself, you don't have to disclose to anyway that you are gay if your aren't comfortable and there is no lie or secret keeping if someone asks you why you don't have a girlfriend and your answer is 'Because I am not interested.' because that is the truth, don't have to tell them that you like boys better Wink
#9
Okay, thank you all for your ideas, they're really helping.
#10
Rumble, when is the last time someone came up to you and said " Hi I am (pick a name) and I am straight". You don't have to advertise, at my age I don't deny either but am self sufficant, James
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