My Experience
07-11-2012, 09:07 PM
I'm new to this forum and since I came out four months and 8 days ago (I'm pretty sure I'll always remember it) and saw all these posts with people struggling to come out. So I'll share my experience and hopefully it helps at least one person.
Basically, now that I think about it, I've always been attracted to guys, I just didn't realize it until the beginning of my senior year. Even starting sophomore year, gay porn/guys were the only things I got off too, but I told myself it was just a phase and I was just curious. I still acted like I liked girls and even had a sexual experience with one once, but I finally started to realize it was a futile "fight" to be straight.
Over christmas break, I went to Turkey with my family, and while most people would consider this an amazing vacation, it was absolute hell for me. I spent hours in my hotel room looking things up on the internet, being depressed, and hating myself. Once I came back to the states, I finally knew I was gay (not acceptance at this point, just self-realization). It got better because I had school, friends, and family to distract me, but it always stayed in the back of my mind, and at the moment that boredom started to come, these dark feelings of self-hate and depression came back.
At that point - it was about mid to end of January - I told my mom that I thought I was bi. We had a long talk and came to the conclusion that I was probably straight, and just having confusing feelings like any teenager (she is totally accepting though, she just didn't think from her experiences with me over the year, that I was gay). I/we decided to go to a therapist (not to "change" me, but to help me accept whoever I was) and after two sessions, on March 8th, I came out to my best friend.
Except that he wasn't really my best friend. He was more than a friend at the time, and I had - and still somewhat do - strong feelings for him. It was actually through a text and he was very chill about it, and didn't say much. (His brother's best friend in high school also happened to be gay so he didn't really care.) That Friday, I came out to another close friend who was also very accepting (also by text). When I came home late that night, I got a ride from another close friend and I was trying to tell him in the car, but I couldn't summon the guts to, so I texted him a little after he dropped me off.
From there, it snowballed for me. The feeling I got from friend's accepting me for who I really was/am was the best feeling I had ever experienced. I told my water polo team, my classmates, eventually my mom too and got some of the most loving responses. No one had a negative response, besides one person, who's not even really my friend anyways.
And I did all of this by text message (except for the occasional person I told in person). For me, I found that was the easiest way to tell people. I didn't feel comfortable telling them in person, but now I'm comfortable with talking about whatever and being gay with my friends. The point of telling you guys I did all of it by text was to show you guys that you can come out however YOU feel comfortable.
Last step was my family. At this point, I had completely stopped talking and hanging out with my ex-best friend, because I couldn't bear what I felt when I was with him or even talking to him. My mom caught on and after a few months of telling her we had just fallen apart, she guessed that I had told him about my feelings for him etc etc. My sisters then found out and since then my life has been great.
Unfortunately, not many people are out in high school, so I don't really have any gay friends, but now being out of the closet before college, I absolutely cannot wait. I realize everyone is not lucky enough to be living in an accepting environment or surrounded by such loving people as this, but coming out was the best decision in my life. There is nothing like truly being yourself. Good luck guys and just let me know if you want to talk more
Basically, now that I think about it, I've always been attracted to guys, I just didn't realize it until the beginning of my senior year. Even starting sophomore year, gay porn/guys were the only things I got off too, but I told myself it was just a phase and I was just curious. I still acted like I liked girls and even had a sexual experience with one once, but I finally started to realize it was a futile "fight" to be straight.
Over christmas break, I went to Turkey with my family, and while most people would consider this an amazing vacation, it was absolute hell for me. I spent hours in my hotel room looking things up on the internet, being depressed, and hating myself. Once I came back to the states, I finally knew I was gay (not acceptance at this point, just self-realization). It got better because I had school, friends, and family to distract me, but it always stayed in the back of my mind, and at the moment that boredom started to come, these dark feelings of self-hate and depression came back.
At that point - it was about mid to end of January - I told my mom that I thought I was bi. We had a long talk and came to the conclusion that I was probably straight, and just having confusing feelings like any teenager (she is totally accepting though, she just didn't think from her experiences with me over the year, that I was gay). I/we decided to go to a therapist (not to "change" me, but to help me accept whoever I was) and after two sessions, on March 8th, I came out to my best friend.
Except that he wasn't really my best friend. He was more than a friend at the time, and I had - and still somewhat do - strong feelings for him. It was actually through a text and he was very chill about it, and didn't say much. (His brother's best friend in high school also happened to be gay so he didn't really care.) That Friday, I came out to another close friend who was also very accepting (also by text). When I came home late that night, I got a ride from another close friend and I was trying to tell him in the car, but I couldn't summon the guts to, so I texted him a little after he dropped me off.
From there, it snowballed for me. The feeling I got from friend's accepting me for who I really was/am was the best feeling I had ever experienced. I told my water polo team, my classmates, eventually my mom too and got some of the most loving responses. No one had a negative response, besides one person, who's not even really my friend anyways.
And I did all of this by text message (except for the occasional person I told in person). For me, I found that was the easiest way to tell people. I didn't feel comfortable telling them in person, but now I'm comfortable with talking about whatever and being gay with my friends. The point of telling you guys I did all of it by text was to show you guys that you can come out however YOU feel comfortable.
Last step was my family. At this point, I had completely stopped talking and hanging out with my ex-best friend, because I couldn't bear what I felt when I was with him or even talking to him. My mom caught on and after a few months of telling her we had just fallen apart, she guessed that I had told him about my feelings for him etc etc. My sisters then found out and since then my life has been great.
Unfortunately, not many people are out in high school, so I don't really have any gay friends, but now being out of the closet before college, I absolutely cannot wait. I realize everyone is not lucky enough to be living in an accepting environment or surrounded by such loving people as this, but coming out was the best decision in my life. There is nothing like truly being yourself. Good luck guys and just let me know if you want to talk more
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