No you are no longer connected to her as you once were. Yes home no longer feels like home. Yes you and your old friends are now aliens, living in two different worlds, doing things that the others can't possibly comprehend.
If you were not feeling a bit of unease over these facts I would be worried over your psychological health and well being. If it depresses you, or makes you feel incredibly horrible - you are more human and feeling than your buddies credit you with.
And - you are perfectly healthy emotionally speaking, because it does cause you great concern. There is a point where this becomes bad. Sadness is ok, grieving over this loss (Which is a real loss) is ok. If its consuming you, its not ok. And you should seek out professional help to work through it.
However distance and losing contact and losing the connection to home is all part of the growing process of life. The fact is you moved to a far remote alien outpost where you are evolving into an alien. An alien to the folk back on your homeworld where they are not evolving to meet the needs of this new, alien culture.
Lack of Empathy
I feel a great disturbance in the force around you. You feel it too, but you have a penis. So we really can't talk about it.
That penis has decided a lot of your life. Its mere existence has lead to society, your parents, your teachers and your peers to treat you far differently from those without a penis.
Think about it:
Real men don't cry. Big boys don't cry. How often is the truism repeated.
Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth. You most likely were subjected to these truisms far more than 62,400 times. Try a million or two.
Think about how society reinforces basic lies, erm I did mean truths
about how 'real men' behave and act.
From the day you were born up you were told that that penis means you are a slayer of dragons, a provider of protection, a strong person who mustn't ever show fear, mayn't cry in pubic, and must always, above all else, be in control of everything around you. The very fairytales read to you as a kid made it clear that anyone with a penis must protect the ones without penises, and must not only do it, but like it - worst - WANT to do these things.
And if you slip up and cry, or show fear, or want to be protected instead of protecting you are a
sissy.
Sissy is for all penises (yes even us gay ones) the most dreaded thing to be. Being a sissy is the worst possible thing to be.
What is a young boy to do? Why put on a penis mask.
Hide those emotions that no penis has. Hide the desires and wants that only those without a penis may have. Penises are allowed to laugh (but only at the bawdy tales and jokes, not at cute ones). Penises are allowed to get angry. In fact if you get angry when you are supposed to be sad, you are more of a man. If you get angry and charge at that thing you fear, you are more of a man.
Anger good. Very good. And we wonder why humanity is so violent.
Your mask is most likely stoic. And thick enough to hide all of your internal feelings.
You have worn it so long that now its stuck there on your face. Yeah sure you want to put your arms around someone and comfort them. But you can't - literally can't. Because you no longer remember how to give a hug.
You want to cry over the sad scenes of a movie. But you can't, because you have worn that mask so long your tear ducts won't release a tear.
You most likley want to express that rainbow of emotions you have, but you can't - that mask has been on your face for so long that you no longer
know how to do that.
You most likely get angry when sad, or fearful - Anger good - the angrier you are over sad things and fearful things the more of a man you are.
To make this all worse, you are one of them homosexuals. So every time you were told 'This makes you a sissy' you took it to heart, because deep inside you are a sissy. Sissy = Gay. Gay = less of a man, or worse, not a man at all. This being gay thing means you lack a penis.
Even before you had an inkling of conscious thought that you may be attracted to other boys - deep inside you knew at a basic level you were 'that way'. Thus being told 'You are a sissy if you ______________' resonated inside of you, making you more prone to build an uber-penis mask in order to hide the fact that yep, your a sissy (gay).
A lot of us gay men have serious problems showing our real emotions. Yes even the lispy, limp wristed ones who appear to cry at the slightest drop of a hat. They too struggle with the same "man V emotion" issue.
Its more serious for us because, being young boys in a society that made it clear that under no terms is it ok to be gay, we took these gender roles seriously - deadly serious in many cases.
I suspect that you are really empathetic. The fact you are interested in doctoring and medicine screams 'I want to help people!' Very few people get into that area for mere selfish, non-empathic reasons.
The fact that you got a certain joy over volunteer work where you are doing things to make the world a better place reveals that there is a basic need to help. It not only soothes their needs, but it also soothes your troubled soul when you can't do something to help another's pain, that you most likely feel more deeply and more profoundly than 99% of the extroverts who pretend to care.
The fact that this was a struggle for you for several days and has weighed heavily on your mind, tells me that not only do you care - A lot - you are also trapped by the expectations of society as to what your role in the world is because you have a penis.
Thus unable to confront and 'deal with' these emotions that you 'ain't suppose to have' because society told you your penis means you don't have these emotions you hid your 'problem' and tried to solve it on your own. As a real man (penis) is supposed to do by the reckoning of our sick, unwholesome society.
I fear the road ahead of you is going to be rough. Even with therapy and counseling and lots of hard work, getting that penis mask off is going to be a struggle.
I still struggle with my penis mask - almost daily. I can only cry in the shower - where the tears are hidden by the water and where the splatter of the shower hides my sobs and if anyone notices my eyes are read I can easily say 'Oh I got shampoo in my eyes.'
Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth. Once that truth is made its real hard to break.
Sagittarius
mile:
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
)
.
to the locker too. YOU CAN'T TAKE IT HOME. Hospital property, don't touch, okay? 
Just to be clear so I know which one you are referring to.