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Why I am still single...
#1
I want to write about this, life is a interesting journey everyday and every experience is about to make your own map, but when you already have it almost completely, became the time you have to leave it. In the beginning of the journey you wouldn't think what happens to you worth something at first, but times will be in charge to always teach you that nothing happens accidentally. Sometimes you met people that are unlike of your way of being, opposite, different, whatever, or you will pass through situations that hurts too, sometimes a lot, this things are meant just to make you know how much about something do you need on life or I mean what things you have to appreciate more, or what things you have to just apart, in order to keep your own wellness. I had being trough plenty kind of troubles like everybody else, I take resilience as one of my best friends, but between situations, this time I'm talking about people I met and what happened to made me know what I shouldn't need and after a while what do I really need as a companion to myself. lets begin with...

The egoistics:

I met people who didn't understand couple means two, the balance of two beings, remember the ying-yang? when if I'm giving, you should give to, if I support you, you should someday support me when things get tough. If I get mad, you should understand, and I you get mad I should understand...

I met the "I want everything now guy",
The "I only talk to you when I need someone or something, but then forgetting you after I get it" one,
The "I'm hanging out with you, just because I want to make my ex jealous" dude
and also the "I can be a hoe and have every hook up app, but If I see you talking with someone I'll leave you one" and their folks.

The "I don't forgive anyone, but I never ask for forgiveness"... Well I confess that when I was younger I used to be this kind of guy, but then I learned that not forgiving someone is just a demonstration of inferiority that you're giving about yourself, when you don't forgive is because your ego felt damaged because you consciously or unconsciously let this person hurt you, and If you feel that way it's because of or you have low self-esteem or you loved this person so much and really affected you the way he destroyed your confidence, and same the contrary if you don't ask to be for forgiven, even if you know you're wrong it's because you're creating stairs where you believe you are better than the other person you hurted, but still the same, you unconsciously still feeling inferior to the other person.

what I learned with time?, that I want someone to make me feel that I'm in a team, where I can give and without the need to feel scared about it, someone that I can trust (you remember the trust test when you let yourself fall and someone catch you from behind... yeah that way). and will doesn't hesitate to say sorry when he really feel it, because I'm not scared to say it when I know I'm did something wrong.


The easy love:
The guy who felt in love with you just after 3-5 days meeting you.
Yeah yeah, I know what "first sight love" is, and yeah when I was 14 I experienced that, but you know even if I know I like someone that much, I always was in a "testing the waters attitude", well also I confess that I did that more because I was an unsure guy more than a smart guy, but as I say above nothing happens without a meaning, with time I realized that this guy wasn't good for me and now I can feel a bit proud because the way I managed the situation, even if I was just lucky.

Getting back to what I was saying, I met the "I feel you're the love of my life (in one week) guy", the "intense" guys, and the "I love you (but didn't know really anything about me) guys".

What I learned? true love takes time, and yeah need to be tested, like when you taste a food you cook the first time just to be sure is fine before sharing it to someone. or like rewatching a exam you made just to be sure you didn't mistake something before giving it to your professor.


The dumb:
Maybe I'll sound a bit vain, but I discovered since I was a kid that I was a person who wanted to talk about a lot of topics, I was hungry for having always more knowledge meanwhile the other guys just was bored or conformed with the class homeworks. Mostly of my friends was adults (people of 45, 50, 55 years old) and I founded myself annoyed or bored with talking to people of my age. I was and still interested in math, physics, musics, art, science, literature, philosophy, politics, economy, medicine, sports, computers, etc.

It's not people fault to be the way they are, it's not their fault not being interested in all the same topics I am, but what can I do?
I met nice people, nice guys, but who get lost quickly when I tried a bit to stepped on the gas in the topics I really liked, and I always had to change the conversation to simple topics again, like videogames, pop music, etc.

In that moment I learned that not everyone was able to be with everyone, I realized I have a type, maybe I can understand everybody but a few can understand me, and yeah trying to sound less vain I've to say I obviously know the contrary, some people finds me boring AF hahaha.


The taken:
I confess this ones are the MOST I met. simple as the word say: the dude with a partner (always woman), engaged, married, with girlfriend... all types.
I didn't included them in the egoistics, because sometimes the situation is not that way, I met a lot of variety, the misogynists (the one who see women as an accessory... I know some famous celebrities who are like this but don't wanna say the names to avoid offend some sensibilities), the narcissistic (the guy who believe woman are meant to be in a harem for him) but also I met guys that can't get out of the situation that leads me to...


The becomings:
The men that never felt something in his life for another men since they met me... or are in the process to accept what their are, (usually bi or bicurious guys) this guys just don't know what to do, and can't properly manage what they feels, sometimes they are engaged, or in a long term relationship (rarely alone), I can't help them also, so I just walk away from them, not because is the more secure thing to do (for me) but because I don't know if it's a coincidence but sometimes these guys are the guys I like the most... but I don't like the way of their behavior, I mean this guys usually do weird things, somedays they're friendly to me, somedays don't talk a single word or just ignores me, when they're with their friends ignores me, but when we are alone approaches to me. I know that maybe they're having huge process inside but, I can't avoid feeling annoyed.

What I learned?... really nothing, the situation is just too complicated to think about it, also I think is not healthy to feel something for someone this way, so I just avoid it, obviously I don't stop to being polite with them, just I keep things to "normal". and also I believe in Karma, everything you do you will get it back to you again, if I takes someone's boyfriend in the future I believe this will happens to me... mmm but also we say in español "not because you are vegan a tiger will stop trying to eat you", but nevermind.


What I believe about love?
Love is like a building that have to be constructed with pillars and these pillars are named, Confidence, Time, Friendship, Desire, Equality and Comprehension... maybe they are more, but that are the main ones, and when is well built it will last a very long time, but if one of the pillars was not well constructed, or fall, the remaining structure will not take long to collapse entirely too.

If you didn't felt identified with something I said remember the title: "Why I am still single..." so this is the way the process are in my mind, maybe it was more easy to you to find love, or maybe you're having a kind of relationship that doesn't have the same requirements as me, It would be good to know Biggthumpup
#2
Quote:Getting back to what I was saying, I met the "I feel you're the love of my life (in one week) guy", the "intense" guys, and the "I love you (but didn't know really anything about me) guys".

What I learned? true love takes time, and yeah need to be tested, like when you taste a food you cook the first time just to be sure is fine before sharing it to someone. or like rewatching a exam you made just to be sure you didn't mistake something before giving it to your professor.

You know what? I would ordinarily agree with this 100%... except.

Gideon.

[MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] insists he knew I was meant for him from the first second he saw me. He crushed after me and secretly watched me long before we ever met for the first time. He was FAR more invested than I was when our friendship began, and also when our relationship started.

It took me a couple years to actually catch up with him, and he has remained steadfast and fully focused upon me the entire time, insisting he knows exactly what he wants and I am it.

I eventually did catch up, and now our strides concerning love are in sync. I'm just saying... sometimes that love at first sight thing? It actually does work out. It's rare, but it does. Smile

Quote:I met nice people, nice guys, but who get lost quickly when I tried a bit to stepped on the gas in the topics I really liked, and I always had to change the conversation to simple topics again, like videogames, pop music, etc.

In that moment I learned that not everyone was able to be with everyone, I realized I have a type, maybe I can understand everybody but a few can understand me

Love this. Just had to say it.

I'm not the most educated or enlightened guy in the world. And, honestly? There are times (depending on my level of emotional health at the time) that anything more than simple conversation isn't something my brain can handle. But, like you, I've found that when all my cylinders are firing? I also need someone that can keep up.

Quote:Love is like a building that have to be constructed with pillars and these pillars are named, Confidence, Time, Friendship, Desire, Equality and Comprehension... maybe they are more

Trust, Respect, Chemistry, Communication

End Game: Excellent post, man. Very personal, and insightful. I really enjoyed the read.
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
#3
[MENTION=23908]Shawn[/MENTION] Sounds a lot like me but I am partially guilty, not so much of me having a big ego but there have been a few people I just got you could say floored with. I guess it was that feeling you get when you're like ermagerd! this is it! Learning to chillax and knowing when to do something. I have in the past got a little too carried away when I really like someone. I do think I have good intuition and also a good judge of character, although a time or two I have been horribly wrong about people.

Most guys, yeah they want everything now or want to get you to say I love you on the second date. Oh God and dumb people... I had a movie date with someone who was just raving about World War Z like it was the best movie since ever. I also hate it when people are obviously flattering me thinking I'm so smart. Ok I'll give myself some credit but too much just gets on my nerve.

Right now it is finding someone close enough from home that I can date on a semi-regular basis. Just doesn't seem to be anyone who fits the bill, I'm easily bored with some guys because they have no personality.

Then again I have realize I have my flaws and I'm sure there's a reason why I don't end up dating a number of guys or why I don't get a 2nd date. However, the more I date guys the more it seems that it isn't really a fault of mine. I'm more worried about the things that most guys, if they like me, probably aren't all that worried about. However, I feel like I need to have something more, whether it is physical or in personality to "win" them over.

I do feel that to find someone you can stay with for a lifetime and truly love and be loved is pretty much like winning the lottery and sometimes I feel that the lottery are still better odds.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#4
Hello [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION]

You know what? I was talking in general, but my first boyfriend... now ex lol, I met him almost exactly the way you met yours and yeah, he wasn't the smarter or the most conversational varied, but he always made me to feel in a "warm" and joyful sensation when I was with him, even if we didn't talk only by staying with him was fine, he also wasn't my type and when he confessed at that moment I was seeing him only as a friend, but he insisted and with time he made me felt in love with him... I'm gonna write about that someday lol.

I think the least moment you expect to find love, the moment it comes into your life.

(...also this is what I'm still chilled haha.)

And yeah thank you I appreciate you read the whole thing lol
#5
Boaxy Wrote:But were gay. So fuck all that. I'm gonna start hugging random guys in the street that aren't with women and just say fuck it. Even if they aren't gay, I don't give a fuck. Never had a boyfriend. I am not kidding.

Now on internet that kind of guys are available... also some of them have a low price, some are just free, good look! Big Grin
#6
I never date and being single sometimes good for the time moment...building life n all. But meeting new people are always give me hope tht some day i will meet the right person.. it is kinda intriguing where u meet this person and there some bonding with them, hear their stories n you share yours, laugh together n all. Deep down in my heart, i hope this will works n might takes to the next phase...still waiting for that magic tho..lol.
#7
[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] Hello!, well what can I say not because you are smart means that you will never going to make a mistake.... the last one I did was so huge that I still regreting it with at least 10 trillion cells of my human being lol. and yeah was exactly the way you described your situation and yes only happened twice in my life (the last one at 21, so last year)... I forgot about everything I said in the post, I got totally carried away, I was thinking was the right one, I was totally blinded and from one day to another, I discovered everything I didn't knew... or worst I didn't wanted to knew, summing it all I felt the dumbest person ever. (maybe one of this days I'm gonna deepen the subject)

And yeah... usually smart people tends to overthink about themselves, because they understand about the way other people feels, (empathy) so usually smart people can make an sketch about how other people will see them in the way of theirs minds would. sometimes the portray is right, and some are portrayed about the way you see your own being, so when you start to recognize your own flaws sometimes you tend to believe the others can see them too... with time you learn what people see about you, are just in two main things, body language and words, and also that you can modify that in the way you want others to perceive yourself. but thats another topic too lol.

Usually people that don't have a personality or are faking one, will think that people with real ones will be boring, fearful or something else.

Also we are in the same situation haha, I want to find someone near home, or that I can see everytime without too much effort.

Winning the lottery huh? you know what's worst than that? winning and then losing it all... like if you won 1 billion and spent just 1 thousand, and then losing the luggage in a taxi to the airport.... that happened to me with somebody a couple years ago. lol
and yeah I also still thinking if that kind of things just happens once in life, or maybe if destiny can give second chances, maybe not with the same person, but to have the oportunity to find "true love" again.
#8
I hear you. I do think that I often focus on the flaws I see about myself and that might not be what someone else sees about me, all a matter of their point of view. I do think I am probably too picky and after you meet someone you think is great you tend, or I at least do, hold others guys up to the same standards.

I don't mind traveling too much, I mean I would love to meet someone I really like that is close, but if I think they're worth the distance I don't mind pursuing them. However I am finding that a lot of guys aren't.

As far as guys who lack personality. One person I spoke to and have had some dealings with I feel was more than likely a sociopath, but I can't be sure. Something definitely seemed off and a bit erie. My gut feeling was bad but my feeling of empathy said otherwise, my gut feeling seems to be right and I should have kept my distance from the start. Mind you that was just once occurrence.

Anyway I will keep my fingers crossed and hope that I end up with the right person in the end...preferably sooner than later.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#9
[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] standards?, dude imagine meeting someone you fell inlove... you're standards will be set highest as the Everest, and if you end the relationship in the beginning you will feel like there's nobody else in the world... and yeah, traveling for someone, that triggered my depression last year, well. deciding about traveling for someone and if worth or not. I was so close to do it, and I told this person I will, but few days later I discovered I was wrong, and blah blah, the things that I already mentioned.

Ok, I'm gonna confess something...

I feel that I am so used to have the things my way, that I don't accept anything that go to much outside of the way I feel things have to be.

and I think that's what I am still single,
#10
[MENTION=23908]Shawn[/MENTION] Well I know what you mean. I kind of think my standards might be to high in some regards. No so much looks, I think I'm pretty well dialed in on what I find attractive for the most part. Personality, it seems many guys lack. I find that a lot of guys just aren't interesting. I used to get myself all wrapped up in someone just because they looked cute and so on...that was for the most part the case until recently.

When you meet someone that you click with and I don't mean "Oh you like Chinese food too! That's cool," but being able to connect or feel that you're able to connect with someone on many different levels, that's another thing then there is just a way someone carries themselves maybe an unspoken self-confidence. I can't quite put my finger on it, I don't know but it's almost like you feel the warmth from them in how they act. You get a feeling about who they are and what they're about and it is pretty well a genuine thing. However, it is all but a feeling, not knowing.... That's the hard part. Not sure if any of that makes sense. I am one that often gets a gut feeling about someone, in my case it is often not good...or uncertain. I have once been talking to someone who I didn't feel comfortable with, first he wanted to come over then he tells me he had a boyfriend and he was going to come over. I didn't know either of them real well but I had heard some rumors and as soon as I got off the phone with them I blocked them on FB, phone number you name it... Just had a very bad feeling about the guy and that his motives weren't good. I could have been wrong. I guess what I'm saying is my intution is kind of like on steroids...so when i feel really good about someone...warm fuzzy feeling...they probably are a good person...could be exaggerated. No one is perfect of course but very very few have made me feel that way. Now is it something tangible, is it real, is it something that can be measured or is it all in my head....that I can't answer. All I can say is that when it is bad it is usually bad and when it is good it is usually good.

Anyway, that's enough about intuition and my ramblings...

I do think I get what you mean about having things your way sort of speak. I feel like I expect things to go a certain way, or a certain path and things usually don't. Things are easily confused.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]


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