Why I am still single...
10-05-2016, 04:53 AM
I want to write about this, life is a interesting journey everyday and every experience is about to make your own map, but when you already have it almost completely, became the time you have to leave it. In the beginning of the journey you wouldn't think what happens to you worth something at first, but times will be in charge to always teach you that nothing happens accidentally. Sometimes you met people that are unlike of your way of being, opposite, different, whatever, or you will pass through situations that hurts too, sometimes a lot, this things are meant just to make you know how much about something do you need on life or I mean what things you have to appreciate more, or what things you have to just apart, in order to keep your own wellness. I had being trough plenty kind of troubles like everybody else, I take resilience as one of my best friends, but between situations, this time I'm talking about people I met and what happened to made me know what I shouldn't need and after a while what do I really need as a companion to myself. lets begin with...
The egoistics:
I met people who didn't understand couple means two, the balance of two beings, remember the ying-yang? when if I'm giving, you should give to, if I support you, you should someday support me when things get tough. If I get mad, you should understand, and I you get mad I should understand...
I met the "I want everything now guy",
The "I only talk to you when I need someone or something, but then forgetting you after I get it" one,
The "I'm hanging out with you, just because I want to make my ex jealous" dude
and also the "I can be a hoe and have every hook up app, but If I see you talking with someone I'll leave you one" and their folks.
The "I don't forgive anyone, but I never ask for forgiveness"... Well I confess that when I was younger I used to be this kind of guy, but then I learned that not forgiving someone is just a demonstration of inferiority that you're giving about yourself, when you don't forgive is because your ego felt damaged because you consciously or unconsciously let this person hurt you, and If you feel that way it's because of or you have low self-esteem or you loved this person so much and really affected you the way he destroyed your confidence, and same the contrary if you don't ask to be for forgiven, even if you know you're wrong it's because you're creating stairs where you believe you are better than the other person you hurted, but still the same, you unconsciously still feeling inferior to the other person.
what I learned with time?, that I want someone to make me feel that I'm in a team, where I can give and without the need to feel scared about it, someone that I can trust (you remember the trust test when you let yourself fall and someone catch you from behind... yeah that way). and will doesn't hesitate to say sorry when he really feel it, because I'm not scared to say it when I know I'm did something wrong.
The easy love:
The guy who felt in love with you just after 3-5 days meeting you.
Yeah yeah, I know what "first sight love" is, and yeah when I was 14 I experienced that, but you know even if I know I like someone that much, I always was in a "testing the waters attitude", well also I confess that I did that more because I was an unsure guy more than a smart guy, but as I say above nothing happens without a meaning, with time I realized that this guy wasn't good for me and now I can feel a bit proud because the way I managed the situation, even if I was just lucky.
Getting back to what I was saying, I met the "I feel you're the love of my life (in one week) guy", the "intense" guys, and the "I love you (but didn't know really anything about me) guys".
What I learned? true love takes time, and yeah need to be tested, like when you taste a food you cook the first time just to be sure is fine before sharing it to someone. or like rewatching a exam you made just to be sure you didn't mistake something before giving it to your professor.
The dumb:
Maybe I'll sound a bit vain, but I discovered since I was a kid that I was a person who wanted to talk about a lot of topics, I was hungry for having always more knowledge meanwhile the other guys just was bored or conformed with the class homeworks. Mostly of my friends was adults (people of 45, 50, 55 years old) and I founded myself annoyed or bored with talking to people of my age. I was and still interested in math, physics, musics, art, science, literature, philosophy, politics, economy, medicine, sports, computers, etc.
It's not people fault to be the way they are, it's not their fault not being interested in all the same topics I am, but what can I do?
I met nice people, nice guys, but who get lost quickly when I tried a bit to stepped on the gas in the topics I really liked, and I always had to change the conversation to simple topics again, like videogames, pop music, etc.
In that moment I learned that not everyone was able to be with everyone, I realized I have a type, maybe I can understand everybody but a few can understand me, and yeah trying to sound less vain I've to say I obviously know the contrary, some people finds me boring AF hahaha.
The taken:
I confess this ones are the MOST I met. simple as the word say: the dude with a partner (always woman), engaged, married, with girlfriend... all types.
I didn't included them in the egoistics, because sometimes the situation is not that way, I met a lot of variety, the misogynists (the one who see women as an accessory... I know some famous celebrities who are like this but don't wanna say the names to avoid offend some sensibilities), the narcissistic (the guy who believe woman are meant to be in a harem for him) but also I met guys that can't get out of the situation that leads me to...
The becomings:
The men that never felt something in his life for another men since they met me... or are in the process to accept what their are, (usually bi or bicurious guys) this guys just don't know what to do, and can't properly manage what they feels, sometimes they are engaged, or in a long term relationship (rarely alone), I can't help them also, so I just walk away from them, not because is the more secure thing to do (for me) but because I don't know if it's a coincidence but sometimes these guys are the guys I like the most... but I don't like the way of their behavior, I mean this guys usually do weird things, somedays they're friendly to me, somedays don't talk a single word or just ignores me, when they're with their friends ignores me, but when we are alone approaches to me. I know that maybe they're having huge process inside but, I can't avoid feeling annoyed.
What I learned?... really nothing, the situation is just too complicated to think about it, also I think is not healthy to feel something for someone this way, so I just avoid it, obviously I don't stop to being polite with them, just I keep things to "normal". and also I believe in Karma, everything you do you will get it back to you again, if I takes someone's boyfriend in the future I believe this will happens to me... mmm but also we say in español "not because you are vegan a tiger will stop trying to eat you", but nevermind.
What I believe about love?
Love is like a building that have to be constructed with pillars and these pillars are named, Confidence, Time, Friendship, Desire, Equality and Comprehension... maybe they are more, but that are the main ones, and when is well built it will last a very long time, but if one of the pillars was not well constructed, or fall, the remaining structure will not take long to collapse entirely too.
If you didn't felt identified with something I said remember the title: "Why I am still single..." so this is the way the process are in my mind, maybe it was more easy to you to find love, or maybe you're having a kind of relationship that doesn't have the same requirements as me, It would be good to know
The egoistics:
I met people who didn't understand couple means two, the balance of two beings, remember the ying-yang? when if I'm giving, you should give to, if I support you, you should someday support me when things get tough. If I get mad, you should understand, and I you get mad I should understand...
I met the "I want everything now guy",
The "I only talk to you when I need someone or something, but then forgetting you after I get it" one,
The "I'm hanging out with you, just because I want to make my ex jealous" dude
and also the "I can be a hoe and have every hook up app, but If I see you talking with someone I'll leave you one" and their folks.
The "I don't forgive anyone, but I never ask for forgiveness"... Well I confess that when I was younger I used to be this kind of guy, but then I learned that not forgiving someone is just a demonstration of inferiority that you're giving about yourself, when you don't forgive is because your ego felt damaged because you consciously or unconsciously let this person hurt you, and If you feel that way it's because of or you have low self-esteem or you loved this person so much and really affected you the way he destroyed your confidence, and same the contrary if you don't ask to be for forgiven, even if you know you're wrong it's because you're creating stairs where you believe you are better than the other person you hurted, but still the same, you unconsciously still feeling inferior to the other person.
what I learned with time?, that I want someone to make me feel that I'm in a team, where I can give and without the need to feel scared about it, someone that I can trust (you remember the trust test when you let yourself fall and someone catch you from behind... yeah that way). and will doesn't hesitate to say sorry when he really feel it, because I'm not scared to say it when I know I'm did something wrong.
The easy love:
The guy who felt in love with you just after 3-5 days meeting you.
Yeah yeah, I know what "first sight love" is, and yeah when I was 14 I experienced that, but you know even if I know I like someone that much, I always was in a "testing the waters attitude", well also I confess that I did that more because I was an unsure guy more than a smart guy, but as I say above nothing happens without a meaning, with time I realized that this guy wasn't good for me and now I can feel a bit proud because the way I managed the situation, even if I was just lucky.
Getting back to what I was saying, I met the "I feel you're the love of my life (in one week) guy", the "intense" guys, and the "I love you (but didn't know really anything about me) guys".
What I learned? true love takes time, and yeah need to be tested, like when you taste a food you cook the first time just to be sure is fine before sharing it to someone. or like rewatching a exam you made just to be sure you didn't mistake something before giving it to your professor.
The dumb:
Maybe I'll sound a bit vain, but I discovered since I was a kid that I was a person who wanted to talk about a lot of topics, I was hungry for having always more knowledge meanwhile the other guys just was bored or conformed with the class homeworks. Mostly of my friends was adults (people of 45, 50, 55 years old) and I founded myself annoyed or bored with talking to people of my age. I was and still interested in math, physics, musics, art, science, literature, philosophy, politics, economy, medicine, sports, computers, etc.
It's not people fault to be the way they are, it's not their fault not being interested in all the same topics I am, but what can I do?
I met nice people, nice guys, but who get lost quickly when I tried a bit to stepped on the gas in the topics I really liked, and I always had to change the conversation to simple topics again, like videogames, pop music, etc.
In that moment I learned that not everyone was able to be with everyone, I realized I have a type, maybe I can understand everybody but a few can understand me, and yeah trying to sound less vain I've to say I obviously know the contrary, some people finds me boring AF hahaha.
The taken:
I confess this ones are the MOST I met. simple as the word say: the dude with a partner (always woman), engaged, married, with girlfriend... all types.
I didn't included them in the egoistics, because sometimes the situation is not that way, I met a lot of variety, the misogynists (the one who see women as an accessory... I know some famous celebrities who are like this but don't wanna say the names to avoid offend some sensibilities), the narcissistic (the guy who believe woman are meant to be in a harem for him) but also I met guys that can't get out of the situation that leads me to...
The becomings:
The men that never felt something in his life for another men since they met me... or are in the process to accept what their are, (usually bi or bicurious guys) this guys just don't know what to do, and can't properly manage what they feels, sometimes they are engaged, or in a long term relationship (rarely alone), I can't help them also, so I just walk away from them, not because is the more secure thing to do (for me) but because I don't know if it's a coincidence but sometimes these guys are the guys I like the most... but I don't like the way of their behavior, I mean this guys usually do weird things, somedays they're friendly to me, somedays don't talk a single word or just ignores me, when they're with their friends ignores me, but when we are alone approaches to me. I know that maybe they're having huge process inside but, I can't avoid feeling annoyed.
What I learned?... really nothing, the situation is just too complicated to think about it, also I think is not healthy to feel something for someone this way, so I just avoid it, obviously I don't stop to being polite with them, just I keep things to "normal". and also I believe in Karma, everything you do you will get it back to you again, if I takes someone's boyfriend in the future I believe this will happens to me... mmm but also we say in español "not because you are vegan a tiger will stop trying to eat you", but nevermind.
What I believe about love?
Love is like a building that have to be constructed with pillars and these pillars are named, Confidence, Time, Friendship, Desire, Equality and Comprehension... maybe they are more, but that are the main ones, and when is well built it will last a very long time, but if one of the pillars was not well constructed, or fall, the remaining structure will not take long to collapse entirely too.
If you didn't felt identified with something I said remember the title: "Why I am still single..." so this is the way the process are in my mind, maybe it was more easy to you to find love, or maybe you're having a kind of relationship that doesn't have the same requirements as me, It would be good to know
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Leo
