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I've a boyfriend, we're together 4 months. It feels wonderful with him, the time that we spend together is always great, very interesting. He has an amazing personality, it's always nice to talk to him and see his point of view on things. I love spending time with him, but when he wants to cuddle with me, it makes me feel so annoyed.
We haven't had actual sex, however when he caress me and kiss me and nuzzle my hair, I only think that that's so boring and we could do something more interesting instead. He likes to just lie in bed for hours holding me. I don't object, but usually already after few minutes I think - when will it end? When will we do something? It seems so pointless to me to kiss or snuggle together for hours when we could do something better, going for a walk, for example.
I don't know what will happen when he'll want to have sex, when I'm already annoyed by all these small physical things and I'm not one tiny bit interested in having sex. I know, he shows me his love that way, but I would be much more happy if he would take me to the seaside instead of licking the inside of my mouth.
I understand that perhaps it's important for him and that's why I don't push him away and I don't object. But I don't understand why is these physical things so important for most people? What's so interesting in kissing and cuddling and all that stuff?
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You sound asexual and I think that's going to be a problem since your boyfriend obviously wants to have sex. If you're not interested in sex at all you should tell him that, because sadly, it will most likely affect your relationship.
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Well call me crazy but it sounds to me like youre not in love, trust me when you are in love those annoying things you mentioned are the things that sweep you off your feet, its what you yearn for a touch, kiss, and sex well forget about it because its the best, ONLY when youre in love truly madly deeply in love which you don't sound to be maybe you like him as a friend more than your partner, ive been through that many times but when I get annoyed at their cuddling or touching I just let them know we should just be friends, only cause in my experience ive learned it gets worse and worse as time goes on.
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I'm not too much into these things too, but probably cause I'haven't experienced these things with the right person, so...
jogu656 Wrote:Well call me crazy but it sounds to me like youre not in love, ... maybe I'm wrong, but I had the same impression.
Are you sure about what you feel?
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I am in love with him, I know it. I would do anything for him. I definitely don't see him as friend, he's my boyfriend. I can't believe that you're only in love when you want to touch other person. Is it really so?
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I'm a : Gay Man in an Open Gay Relationship
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Anonymous Wrote:I am in love with him, I know it. I would do anything for him. I definitely don't see him as friend, he's my boyfriend. I can't believe that you're only in love when you want to touch other person. Is it really so?
Yes.
BUT some don't really like the cuddling as much as others and there are some who do not like it very much at all. Are you able to get any pleasure from hugs and gestures of affection from family members or other close people? What about through your childhood?
 Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!
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I'd recommend talking to a doctor more than anything, not suggesting you have any issues with your views on sex but perhaps its a hormone imbalance.
You could be missing out on some awesome hormones if that's the case.
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So, do you have no sexual feelings or urges? Or is it just that you aren't interested in sex with your boyfriend?
If you have sexual urges, watch porn, and jerk off, but have no interest in sex with the BF, your relationship is flawed (ie. He's not the guy for you). However, if you have no sexual desires for anyone, you should see a doctor ASAP. It's not normal or healthy to be devoid of sexual urges, and the problem could be fixed with appropriate hormone treatment.
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I don't watch porn. I've read about asexual people, but sometimes I can get turned on by something I see or hear.
My childhood was wonderful, I've the best parents in the world. I feel love and attachment when I hug my family members, I think it's normal.
I just don't understand why is sex so important. Why? What is there about it that makes it almost the most important thing for most people? Ok, I could understand straight people - sex is important to conceive a child, but gay people.... I just don't get it.
I feel much more closer to my boyfriend when we're having fun together, walking, talking, etc. not when he kisses me or slid his hands under my shirt.
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There's a difference between thinking sex is the most important thing, and not finding any use for it whatsoever. Since you have no interest in porn, and no interest in sex despite being in a loving, monogamous relationship, you should go to the doctor because that's not normal.
Sex is very important, not just for making babies. Humans are social, sexual animals, and the desire for sex is a biological force underpinned by a complex hormonal system. Absence of sex drive is very likely the result of a hormone imbalance or deficiency that can be treated. Since this same hormone system effects other things besides the urge to have sex, you've got to view the lack of sex drive as a symptom of a larger problem; one that needs your attention. Your doctor may refer you for psychological counseling as well, depending on your unique situation.
Don't let this go. The complete absence of sex drive that you describe is abnormal, and likely a symptom of a larger issue. (it's not just about the libido) Good luck, and keep us posted!
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