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You can call this topic whatever you want..
#1
Soooo I feel like the biggest A-hole on the planet.

We were supposed to go to a hotel somewhere 2 hrs from here for the weekend. For 2 yrs we didn't do sh!t except for like 3 times clubbing and once every 2 months out for dinner.

When he noticed I was serious about moving out he suddenly changed into the "perfect" boyfriend.
He started to plan everyday for both of us to enjoy, telling me that I look good etc... I didn't get a compliment from him like a year and a half. It was a lot to take in this week. But then he suggested to go to a hotel, where he and his ex went. And for me that was a total turn off!

Me: really? Millions of hotels and that's the one you want us to go to? You could'nt find one where you haven't been to with your ex?
Him: I don't see the problem?
Me: offcourse you don't!
Him: god, your are the most difficult person I've met!

I know that it might come off childish but the reason I refuse that hotel is because in the past he already compared me with his exes, and I'll do anything in my power to avoid that from happening again!

I tried to explain to him that as his partner I deserve better than to go to that hotel. But with no luck. I even told him that I wouldn't mind if it were the second time.

Iasked him what did you tell your sister? He said,
He called his sister and said that it's not happening (she was supposed to take care of this zoo-house while we were away) but instead to tell her that something came up or whatever, he tells her that I ruined the weekend because I didn't wanna go to where he and his ex went. She told him "he is being childish"

Me: Oh is that so?
Him: yes and she is spot on!

I called her and explained her what I said above. And she said
Sister: I'm sorry I said that, I only heard his side of the story and judged you when obviously now hearing your side and I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with my brother? I didn't know it was your first time weekend away. I honestly wouldn't like it either.

So that pissed him off. He grabbed his keys and left. 5hrs later, it was 2AM he comes back home, I ask him where did you go?
Him: None of your bussiness!
Me: Ok, you're right. I simply hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

I grabbed my phone and I googled gay chats. Went to pictures and told him, so you know why I wont be up in your bussiness. And showed him a picture of chat messages. And he got mad saying I knew you were chatting this whole time with someone!

He was talking about gayspeak. He thinks its somekind of dating app. And then I googled a goodlooking guy and told him "this is my date tomorrow, incase you'd worry about me" he kept quiet and then he got tears in his eyes.... Really??? I have made it all up but he really disappeared for 5 hrs and he is the one crying...?

To make matters worse I told him, go find another victim to cry to... and he went to bed.

Ughh I don't know what came over me to behave this way but I'm so tired of taking crap from him.
#2
So since you posted this I assume you are wanting advice?
You do realize that to him:
1. You are going to visit some hot guy to date tomorrow.
2. Have been on a gay dating app "Gayspeak"
3. Just blew his vacation up that he wanted to spend with you just because he and his EX were there a long time ago and he thinks you were being unreasonable.
4. You top it off with saying things like
"So that pissed him off. He grabbed his keys and left. 5hrs later, it was 2AM he comes back home, I ask him where did you go?
Him: None of your bussiness!
Me: Ok, you're right. I simply hope you enjoyed it as much as I did."

And then when he tears up and begins to cry you
"go find another victim to cry to"

O_O wow, ok, if you want to never see this guy again continue, else go to the bedroom turn on a bedlamp or something (he isnt asleep right now I bet, after all that) and START with everything I said was a lie.
explain what all was a lie and WHY you said it then say your sorry... 50 times :/
"When you think all is forsaken,
Listen to me now
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light
" ~Disturbed
#3
Beyond all the BS you guys are slinging at each other, I have three questions:

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
Do you want to stay together?

If the answers are Yes, then it's time to call a halt to the hostilities and start to COMMUNICATE for real. I really believe that you two need to sit down with someone, a counselor or therapist.

There's right and wrong on both sides. But what I hear, above all, is pain. I think you're both in pain. If you can't stop hurting each other, eventually you'll split up. Do either or both of you want that? For real?

There's this TV psychologist who's mostly hype, but he always asks one question that I think is pertinent here - Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Your post made me feel sad. You should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart. I get that you felt uncomfortable going to that hotel because he had compared you so unfavorably with the ex he took there. I get that he's stunned and hurt by what he thinks is your online "cheating". It goes on and on, like a contest to see who can hurt who the most.

Stop. Re-evaluate. COMMUNICATE.
"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them..."
~~~~~~~~Bruce Hornsby,, "That's Just The Way It Is"
#4
In a mature relationship, you communicate honestly even when you're angry and don't want to communicate at all. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to make changes and trying to make it work. How about you?
#5
SilverBullet Wrote:So since you posted this I assume you are wanting advice?
You do realize that to him:
1. You are going to visit some hot guy to date tomorrow.
2. Have been on a gay dating app "Gayspeak"
3. Just blew his vacation up that he wanted to spend with you just because he and his EX were there a long time ago and he thinks you were being unreasonable.
4. You top it off with saying things like
"So that pissed him off. He grabbed his keys and left. 5hrs later, it was 2AM he comes back home, I ask him where did you go?
Him: None of your bussiness!
Me: Ok, you're right. I simply hope you enjoyed it as much as I did."

And then when he tears up and begins to cry you
"go find another victim to cry to"

O_O wow, ok, if you want to never see this guy again continue, else go to the bedroom turn on a bedlamp or something (he isnt asleep right now I bet, after all that) and START with everything I said was a lie.
explain what all was a lie and WHY you said it then say your sorry... 50 times :/

In all honesty I didn't ruine the weekend, I asked him to go to other hotels but he got pissed at me because I didn't like that idea. This morning he left with a parrot to exchange for another parrot, normally we do this stuff together but he left without saying a word. I had no idea when he'd be home. He left from 11Am and came back home at 8Pm. That's when I asked him what he told his sister....

And then he disappeared around 9pm and came home till 2AM.

When I created this topic I went and told him already that it wasn't true. And he was like "no shit, you think I believe that..." I asked then why did you got tears and he said, "realisation I guess"

I simply left it at that.
#6
Rather watch Eastenders tbu lol
[Image: giphy.gif]
#7
Camfer Wrote:In a mature relationship, you communicate honestly even when you're angry and don't want to communicate at all. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to make changes and trying to make it work. How about you?

This is the problem, I tried so goddamn many times to talk and listen to him and most of the time he starts yelling at me, when I ask him to stop yelling he'd be like "AM I YELLING!!!???"

I already explained in another thread how it all started.

Changes??? I understand that probably a lot of you don't know about my relationship. In short - I left my life behind moved away almost 2hrs from birthplace. Changed work. Live under his rules, with three kids who I take care of as if they were my own kids, all for "us" So with all do respect do not questioning me about making changes... Smile
#8
Gemini Wrote:Beyond all the BS you guys are slinging at each other, I have three questions:

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
Do you want to stay together?

If the answers are Yes, then it's time to call a halt to the hostilities and start to COMMUNICATE for real. I really believe that you two need to sit down with someone, a counselor or therapist.

There's right and wrong on both sides. But what I hear, above all, is pain. I think you're both in pain. If you can't stop hurting each other, eventually you'll split up. Do either or both of you want that? For real?

There's this TV psychologist who's mostly hype, but he always asks one question that I think is pertinent here - Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Your post made me feel sad. You should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart. I get that you felt uncomfortable going to that hotel because he had compared you so unfavorably with the ex he took there. I get that he's stunned and hurt by what he thinks is your online "cheating". It goes on and on, like a contest to see who can hurt who the most.

Stop. Re-evaluate. COMMUNICATE.

I actually asked him twice that we need professional help to maybe save our relationship. He then tells me "I don't need help, you need help!" -_-
#9
Ammon Wrote:In all honesty I didn't ruine the weekend, I asked him to go to other hotels but he got pissed at me because I didn't like that idea. This morning he left with a parrot to exchange for another parrot, normally we do this stuff together but he left without saying a word. I had no idea when he'd be home. He left from 11Am and came back home at 8Pm. That's when I asked him what he told his sister....

And then he disappeared around 9pm and came home till 2AM.

When I created this topic I went and told him already that it wasn't true. And he was like "no shit, you think I believe that..." I asked then why did you got tears and he said, "realisation I guess"

I simply left it at that.

I dont know either of you so i can only make guesses at whats going on in yours and his head. I can be a bit more accurate with your thoughts as you tell us what your thinking.

I wonder if him saying "realization I guess" and tearing up was his realization that you were saying those things simply to hurt him?

In any case, apologizing never hurt anyone save for pride. What you said and did was wrong REGARDLESS of what he has did it does NOT make it ok. You can only control your own actions and words, so make amends for what you did and give him space to do the same if he so chooses.

Honestly it sounds to me like all this is a big misunderstanding and your both too bull headed to give way to the other.
I may be completely off mark as I do not see these things first hand, only what you have told me.

reading over some of the stuff you two have gotten into before, he does seem to be difficult to deal with :/.
I would say still, make sure he knows you regret what you said (I think you do just from your opening line) and thats good. It shows you have a heart AND you realize you hurt him.
You can only do your best but if your relationship does get closer to an end atleast there will be no "blood" on your hands so to speak. And you can walk away feeling better about yourself and the flip side is thats one less thing he will be able to use as an excuse to make himself feel better.

I do hope you two work this out though I will keep my fingers crossed m8!
"When you think all is forsaken,
Listen to me now
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light
" ~Disturbed
#10
Oh yeah, *that* relationship. The new thread meant I didn't make the connection.


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